Black girls....trapped in a box

SCENARIO:  Early Thursday morning. 8:30 am to be exact. I walked the streets of W. Wisconsin Ave. in Milwaukee. I felt pretty cute. Nice neutral eye. Cute black sweater. Fitted black dress pants. Brown heels and my signature brown bag cradled in the crook of my left arm. Starbuck's Tall Chai Latte secure in my right. I was headed to an interview. An interview that I felt I had in the bag. I was all smiles. I nodded a pleasant hello to various people walking my way. One young man in particular smiled my way and said, " Well good morning beautiful".  I looked up to find a short cropped, messy blond with a beautiful smile and teeth.  Was he cute? Gorgeous to be precise. Like David Beckham in a peacoat with a backpack. I smiled and thanked him. "My pleasure entirely sweetheart", he responded. We walked away slowly smiling. Well.....I'll be honest. I was Cheesing, but I did feel some kinda way. I combination of happy and weird. Weird because ummm he was white. And I don't mean that in the ewww he was white way, but the well that was different way. I had to stop and ask myself why is this weird to me? I see it everyday. My answer was: yes, just not really with black women.

R & B Artist Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton

I have been guilty of being that woman. The one with the snide comments when I saw a black man with a white woman. (or woman of any race other than black). Somewhere down the line I stopped caring. I started seeing the situation for what it was. There is someone for everyone. Race shouldn't be the factor. However I wondered...what is stopping sistas from "venturing" out and seeing other men as love interests. I have always seen my life as one daydream or pleasant montage after another. I dreamed what my high school days would be like, what college would be like, how great my twenties would be. I have daydreamed everything down to my possible pregnancies. And I always viewed my wedding cake with two little brown faces on top of the cake. Why? I can't say. But that was always apart of the dream. I actually had a lot of crushes on white boys, but I always felt like my husband would use Dax and a wave brush. *Shrugs* Go figure. 

R & B Singer Heather Headley and husband former NY Jets player Brian Musso

As I get older I realize finding the right person has a lot less to do with color and far more to do with your heart. I rarely ever hear a black man say they won't date a white woman. Better yet I hear them give me a list of reasons why they would or why they feel like black women are now the obsolete option. I wont go into detail about that for a few reasons. 

• That ish is angering
• It's disrespectful
• And...it's neither here nor there, because we are not discussing exclusion we are talking about expanding options. 
• I'm not into making generalizations here.

Looking around I see a large portion of African-American men in prison, or have no act right, are married, with white women, are homosexual, or are in hiding where I just can't snatch them up. Because of this a lot of sistas seem to feel as if their pickings are slim. In some cases they are correct. So they choose to take sub-standard relationships in order to be with "the black man". I understand their train of thought, but sub-standard relationships never become what you want. They never flourish into the beautiful wedding and dreams you hoped. It just keeps dragging on into the land of sub-standard-dom. It's not my job to hold my brothers up. It's my job to live a happy, fulfilling, God- filled life with someone who loves me and understands me as much as I love and understand him.

South Park Co-Creator Matt Stone and his wife Angela

We seem to be so caught up in the specifics. Who cares if he's a chicken parmigiana guy and I'm a collard greens and cornbread girl. Those are all things that will work themselves out. The right guy will love me when the sink is filled with shedding remy weave anyway. In the year 2011 we are still trying to figure out one another when there isn't really much to learn. Everyone for the most part is the same. We all just have different life stories. 

Grey's Anatomy star Justin Chambers and wife, Keisha

So as of today I vow to keep my options open. I will be open to love from whatever tree it's leaves may fall from. Because the honest to God truth is on my wedding day it doesn't matter if the hand I'm holding is ivory and I'm staring into some piercing blue eyes, or he's a caramel brown brother with a beautiful dark brown pair. All that truly matters is the words, "I do". And the fact that he means them as much as I do. 

Ladies and gentleman........

I am now currently having a real life shoe-gasm...

#thatisall

And you wonder why we call you bitch: Females and friendship

Scenario 1: I'm in the gym working out and sweating my ass off. It doesn't mean a thing to me that I'm the only black female in the gym. I've been a member for a few months now and I like it. I'm quite comfortable there. I make an effort to smile or nod at everyone coming in even at my hardest resistance in those last few hard minutes. I never asked to be the welcoming committee I just do it, because I'm in a good mood and feeling polite. So along walks in two young black girls. About my age, about my height, and about my build. Lace front wigs blazing, false eyelashes fluttering, and long ass acrylics waving back and forth. Let's not even talk about why you would be in a gym with a wig on. As always I wave. They look at me, look at each other, and Give me a funny ass "who does she think she is?" look as if how dare I have the audacity to smile at them. Well damn. 

This look describes how I felt perfectly!

I am almost thirty years old. Which means I have had a lot of time to deal with people. I learn something new about myself everyday, but I have people (for the most part) figured out. I am a people watcher. I generally size people up for months before I really, REALLY begin to let them in. I watch for lies, reactions, opinions. What they say about others, do they take the blame for their mistakes or is it always someone else's fault, are they hard working or are they petty. Do they show themselves respect, do they respect me, and do they hold up their end of the bargain. Are they one dimensional in their opinions and views or willing to look at a picture in it's entirety. This is not what I look at to determine a friend. It's merely what I look at to see if you're even worth being an associate. This doesn't apply with women. Me attempting to build a new friendship with a woman is a thing of the past. 

Women are the nurturers of the earth. Emotional creatures that are known to be the most loving sex. But women can be some of the meanest, most trifling, cattiest, backstabbing, and jealous individuals on the planet. 

See what I mean????

Scenario 2: In high school I was apart of a clique. Not the mean girls type, but a crew of kids that were all raised in the same neighborhoods, elementary, middle and high schools all our lives. We had all the same extracurricular activities, and attended the same church. I didn't need to go looking for friends. I didn't need them. I had something better. A family. There were only two females in this group of  fifteen to twenty. We bumped heads here and there like any other teenage girls did, but till this day she is still my heart. It was the "other girls". The other girls who wanted to date my "brothers". The girls that had crushes on them and saw me and my homegirl as a threat. Or girls who didn't understand why we chose to hang with the guys. So we became all kinds of names. Hoes. Sluts. Nasty bitches. Not because we actually were. We weren't, but because the words helped these chicks sleep better at night. It couldn't possibly be that he didn't like you because your breath smelled like hot garbage. Or he didn't like you because you had a super unlady like cussing issue. Or better yet he didn't even know you liked him. It was always because those two bitches must be fucking him. Really??? I think not. Had you maybe took a moment to befriend me or perhaps get to know me I would have thrown in a good word for you. Now all my "brothers" are either married or engaged to some great stand-up women. Women who accept and appreciate the friendships we share with them. 

Scenario 3: I remember being a fresh, happy Sunday school teaching twenty-one year old college junior. I was in love with a man thirteen years older than me. He had seven kids and five baby mamas. (LOL I know that was dumb on my part). I thought we were going to be together forever. So I made a point to get to know his children and family quite well. It was odd and more than I should have gotten into at that age, but I always made sure I showed the mothers of his children respect. Besides whether me and him made it together or not those chicks were gonna be around in some way shape or form forever. So I always said hello, smiled, asked how were they doing. All of them on a face to face level thought pretty highly of me....or so I thought. One day one of the chicks felt as if the conversation she was trying to have with my then boyfriend wasn't as important as the fact that he was currently on the phone with me. "You can get off the phone with that bitch and talk to me please?" Really? I'm a bitch. Hmmm. ok. I had a baby mama (different relationship) once tell my boyfriend that she thought she looked better than me. I dated a guy who refused to bring me around his son's mother because she was that crazy. She knew I existed. I could hear her on the phone one time saying, "When you gonna let me meet ya new girl so I can check this hoe". I snatched the phone and gave Ms. Indignant a piece of my mind. That night was our last date. I don't play that shit. Apparently these are the things that make them feel better about me riding there exes into oblivion every night. Especially when I'm nothing, but respectful to these women. 

You can say that I'm exaggerating, but women are vicious creatures. Men don't try to throw a drink on a guy at the bar if he has on the same shirt as him. Men rarely (make that never) fight over women. Men don't give a flying fuck about any of that. Shit like that is such a small part of life and they are more likely to look at the bigger picture. Unless we are discussing bitch made niggas. Then it's a totally different situation.  Women have an innate fear of people in better positions. I believe everyone is like this to a certain extent. Females however are more prone to showing this trait. Anytime they see someone doing good, or having something they want, that person (usually another woman) becomes the "ultimate threat". It is too much like right to say, " That's a nice car go head girl". Or "Look at you you've lost so much weight congrats" or ___________________ (fill in space with anything positive that you rarely hear women say to each other). It's a tad bit easier for hater blood to run through female veins. I don't know why. It just is. 

Oprah and Gayle--lesbian lovers or NOT these two have done something phenomenal.
Maintained a friendship throughout the years. 

The Flipside: I don't think it's impossible for two females to have an honest upstanding good hearted relationship. As long as the two people involved are honest, upstanding, good-hearted women. That is the only way it will work. It's impossible if only one person is. I feel like the friends I have are the ones I have. I don't desire at this age to make any new ones. Respect however is something I give to every woman I meet. I just find it so odd how it kills a woman to give that back in return. I know this isn't the complete way of life, but it's what I've been seeing the most lately. However there are always a few positive people who don't get their just credit. 

Scenario 1: While sweating and panting on the stairmaster an older black woman with a neat little afro stopped and smiled at me. She tapped me to signal she wanted to say something. I hit pause on my ipod long enough for her to say, "Baby I see you in hear all the time". "Keep it up you'll be where you want to be real soon". I smiled and thanked her for the encouragement. Oddly enough she walked up and said that right behind the lace front duo. Maybe there is hope after all. Maybe. But I'm not holding my breath. 

The deal breaker

Disclaimer: I like to ask questions about relationships. I'm big into being apart of a great, loving, dedicated, faithful, and honest relationship. So I ask a lot of questions. Of almost everyone around me. Even at the age of twenty nine it amazes me on how much opinions differ. One thing remains to be true. We all have needs. Needs that if aren't met will send us looking for "the one" who can meet them. So just recently I asked my friends of facebook, "What is considered a deal breaker in relationships for you?" Me personally. I don't like a man with long hair. Well at least not longer than mine. But what is the one thing (or many) that will make you say, "Oh hell nawww" and pretend to be sick on the first date?


First let's flashback to hmmmm 1997, maybe 1998. I was a very impressionable high school student whose life revolved around my friends, school, my job, and MTV. My favorite show being The Real World. Boston to be precise. There was a black girl named, Kameelah on there that had a list of what her perfect mate would be.
 

It was extremely long. She wanted the best. Made sense to me. So I discussed it during bible study and sunday school with my sisterfriends. As a group we decided to make our own lists. And our Sunday school teacher would keep them until our wedding day. Needless to say....my list is still in her possession. Actually only one of us has received our list. *shrugs*  I however made two copies. As the years go by I review. I noticed the things that mattered to me at 17 didn't matter at 21. Or 25. Or 29. It makes me wonder. Am I just drifting out of my idealistic stage? Or am I just settling?

So back to my facebook responses. Everyone wanted someone with a job. Or at very least an education. And that makes complete sense. I will admit that my longest relationships were with men who didn't have the same hustle and drive in the job keeping department that I had. It made for issues. Serious issues.  Next was smokers. I have dated my fair share of smokers. I even momentarily became one. It is something that I don't like, but unfortunately I have learned to accept. My twenty-two year old nephew informed me that too much makeup and a woman equal to his weight or beyond is a turn-off. Some said lack of Common sense. Many women explained how a man not being able to accept their child(ren) was a no-go. I even heard things as simple as basic hygiene. And as complex as religious issues. "He doesn't have to be a church going man just open to a relationship with Jesus".

That's when I started to realize. What are deal breakers really? It's something we use to put a wall up between ourselves and another person. A reason to stop getting to know someone who for all logical reasons seems like a good person. Every person has a "flaw" something that is just a tad bit different about them. Let's just say that the men I dated chose NOT date me because I was a plus size girl. Or not date me because I was darker-skinned. Or not date me because I was a blue-collar girl. They would have all missed out on the ride and adventure that is falling in love with Valecia. I don't say that to toot my own horn, but honestly every man I have dated leaves that relationship a far better man because of my love. And just think me and these gentlemen would have missed out on a profound moment in BOTH of our lives had we stuck to the petty notion of whats's a hell no. I have dated them all. The man who wanted me to cook, clean, stay at home, and push out his babies. The man infatuated with my ass. The ex-con with seven kids. The broke southern gentleman. The jealous white boy. The Extra tall working bum. And The OCD Atheist.

 All of which had a "hell no huge deal breaker" sign on them from the gate. Most girls would have ran. But I didn't I stayed for the sake of the adventure. And perhaps my desire to find the one. And even though I'm not sure if I may have found him or not I do know that being so quick to say no just might leave you alone in life.

No one is going to fit everything on my list. Not even the 2011 revised version. The goal is not to focus on what things they don't fit. But decide how important are the things/characteristics that they do fit. When you think about it. Suddenly a sexy dread doesn't sound so bad.

Butt.......

 Yep.....my butt is.....BIG

Throwback Thursday

I am a music freak. Most importantly and R & B freak. I can attach a song to almost every important part of my life. Exes. College. Jobs. Friends. It all is connected to a song. So I thought what better way to go down memory lane than start a new feature simply entitled, "Throwback Thursday". Now this isn't the 106th and Park tacky ass Throwback Thursday. This just a time to reflect on some of the best music and times of my life with my followers. Well the first TT goes to one of my faves RL (from the 90's R & B group NEXT). I recently just started following his very sexy arse on twitter and it reminded me how great his music was. That lead me to pick this video. 


June 1, 2002 I moved into my very first apartment. I lived in a third floor studio in old historic set of gorgeous apartments. I felt so....confident. Between my car, new apartment, pending junior year of college, and full-time job I felt unstoppable against the world. I still had a lot to learn, but at THAT moment I was on top of the world.  Almost every night that summer I would step out on my fire escape merlot in hand and listen to Midnight Love on BET (if you're old enough you know, if not don't bother). One warm summer night there was a thunderstorm, but I sat out there anyway....I turned around to see this beautiful video and song. 


By the time the video was over my face was mixed with raindrops and teardrops and since I have been in love with him and this song.....Throwback Thursday. RL. Good Man. *sigh* Real Music.

I am a rock....I am an island

You hear it on the streets, in songs, and it's your favorite rappers favorite line. It is the stuff 99.9% of the content of the songs on 106th and Park are made of. They all love to talk about keeping it real. Their swagger comes in second. People who "keep it real" feel the need to discuss to the world that they do. They wear it loudly and proudly like a badge of honor. They find one thousand different ways to say it, (i.e "I keeps it one hunnid" or my personal favorite term "trill") but yet and still find some difficulty living it. 

Hey it's okay we're all working through something. I just never thought that the one of the many things I was taught to uphold would be looked at as a difficult trait to have. What is the world's issue with honesty? I refuse to crown myself with undeserved saint-dom and say that I have never lied. If my life is at stake...ummm yeah! As a child if a pending ass whooping was on the table??? Of course. In awkward situations where I'm trying to shake off a clingy guy?? Damn right! The one thing I do however refuse to lie about is....the woman I am. My life, My struggles, my "profession", my looks, my loves, my belongings, my morals, my high points, my low points, my triumphs, and my mistakes. 


Too many girls in my city spend their days on facebook letting the world know about their new this or new that (which aint true), arguing over men that half the female population in the city limits underage sixty have had and professing to be the realest bitch this side of the Mississippi. BTW You can't tweet that you're at the Trey Songz concert from your living room (it tells me you're tweeting from a computer lame). 


Many women are comfortable swimming in groups in the treacherous waters of lies, denial, envy, and deceit. I however prefer to sunbathe on the quiet sands of real bitch island. Where there aren't a lot of us, but we prefer quality over quantity. And most importantly where we know "keeping it real" with yourself makes it easy to keep it real with others. 


Where is this "real bitch" island you ask?? Where ever honest, intelligent, upfront, outspoken, opinionated, bold, brash women reside. I can't take any credit for this brilliant ass term. The first time I heard of real bitch island it came from one of my favorite bloggers/tweeters Ms. Brook lynne Carter  She is effin' brilliant, beautiful and no holds barred. By all means check her out. In a land of internet stars who are generally nobody 9 to 5- ers why do you feel a need to lie about who and what you are? Who are you impressing? Some person you will NEVER meet? God forbid you do. Just think how disappointed they will be when fallacy gets demolished by reality. 


How unfortunate to be caught in the sea in a storm you created yourself. When if you simply swam to land you have your very own island.....that is if you're dare I say.....REAL. 

Excuse me while I spaz out: Keepin' it Real aka I keeps it 100

I blame this bogus term partly on the hip-hop community. If I hear someone say keep it real one more time my head might cave in. The fact of the matter is the people who scream about keeping it real lie more than a rug. Examples???

"This is the realest shit I ever wrote" -Young Jeezy

So what was the rest of your album?? Fluff? Bullshit? Garbage? A complete and utter lie? Or are you saying that it was real, just not as REAL as the aforementioned written rhyme? Hmm... I wasn't aware that their were degrees of realness. I was under the impression that it was either the truth..or a lie. Good thing I know how to think for myself. If we could get our kids to read a book instead of watching wack ass Terrance and lame ass Rocsi on 106th and Park everyday they would be able to differentiate the fantasy from reality. Let's help out a bit. 



Everything in a video ain't real

 Video vixens (we'll use the nice term) get paid to be in these videos. Some (and notice I use the term some) of these women are successful and quite intelligent in their own right. Do you really think they want the likes of...say FABOLOUS?





That's a negative Boo... the beautiful Ki-toy Johnson owns her own company..take that...
Artists make the majority of their money doing shows. Half of the shyt they rap about owning is something they got for FREE simply for being an entertainer. Either that or....they save their pennies (doubtful). They invest. Or they dumb asses are in debt. I typed three words on google. Rappers. Homes. and.. Foreclosure. I got back...... Dame Dash. DMX. Xzibit. Doug E. Fresh. Wyclef Jean. Just to name a few. It's all about perception people. They want you to see them as something they are not. So let's begin the process of heading back to the REAL version of keeping it real. Or let's use it's original term, Honesty.

People are willing to kill, steal, and ruin the lives of our people for an image. To impress people on this earth that aren't worth impressing. So let me be the first person to hit you with some honesty.


 I am a waitress for a living. My money is not long and I don't claim to be balling out of control. I can pay my bills on time and put gas in my tank. If I want some four hundred dollar weave, bad ass purse, or much needed vacation I'm turning to Well fargo online to help me save for it. Or I'm looking for a second job. Anybody wanna pop shyt about it, be my guest, but that's my 100. That's me.....keeping it real. Try it amongst yourselves.

In search of the five letter word.........

DISCLAIMER: I'm a believer in love. Love and a good wholesome, healthy, honest relationship has ALWAYS been my goal. As I get closer and closer to thirty I look at the relationships I'm surrounded by, and the things I've experienced and wonder.....where is the healthy BLACK relationship? Where is the five letter word? What word you ask???? Trust. Most relationships don't have it. Or they make a mockery of it, or better yet someone in the relationship (maybe even on both sides) has done something to destroy it. But when it's been destroyed is it possible to rebuild it?

Trust may refer to:

• Trust (social sciences), reliance on another person or entity. Having faith in others and believing them.

I don't consider myself to be naive.  I look at every side of a situation before I jump into it. I acknowledge the pros and cons, but I'm always hopeful that they will land on the positive side of the fence. My trust in a person doesn't happen magically overnight. They have to prove themselves to be trustworthy. In the case of a relationship a man would have to be honest with me on every level to gain my trust. Or at least make me believe he is honest. When situations arise that lead me to believe that he is not the trust begins to dwindle away. I may not say a word to him about it, but everyday thereafter my trust in that man will be drastically altered. I have never made an effort to rebuild before. I just let it dwindle until I walk out and give up. I've given up on a lot of people. Mainly for small mistakes. Now that I'm feeling the need to give it ANOTHER chance I'm on uncharted territory. So I guess I need to know.....

How do you REBUILD trust?
Or better yet...can you? I have heard of couples trying and it not working. I understand why. When a person has been wronged, neglected, or hurt it is hard to pretend like it didn't happen. It's hard to not be apprehensive about it happening again. We all forgive. NO ONE truly forgets. So after you know a person is capable of that is love truly enough to make you put what pieces are left back together and give it another try?

Love is strong it helps you endure some tough situations, but I know you can love someone and not trust them. It's a fucked up place to be, but it is very, very, very VERY, possible. It's not a happy place to be. I had a boyfriend years back that I loved with a fiery passion. I also had such a lack of trust in him I followed him in the bathroom when he pee'd. Yes, I'm serious. I wouldn't do that now, but that was the situation then. Needless to say after the a few bathroom trips with me sitting on the edge of the tub and he was outta there. How the fuck do you start over...with someone you already know anyway. I'm sure someone has done it before and made it work...I wish I could find that couple and ask them some questions?? Your answers are always welcome on this quest......

Make it like it was.......

"Said I've been in love a time or two, but in the end I still chose you no one could ever make me feel this way that's why it's killing me what we're going through Somehow I thought between me and you our love would stand the test of time and never ever fade" - Dru Hill "We're not making love no more

So there's this boy. And I love him. Like fat kids love cake, like sunsets, and roses, like a fierce shoe, a cooling summer breeze, a warm hug, or a glass of merlot after a long work day. Like all of those things. MAGNIFIED. Three times. And more. He stole my heart and has yet to return it. And I'm not sure if I want it back.

March 2008

However this road called love has not been easy. I have not always been happy and can't say that I'm very happy right now. We have faded out of each others lives a bit. Correction. A lot. We used to be under the same roof everyday. Now we dwell in two separate cities. With very little face time. And for a girl who needs not all, but a strong portion of her man's attention this is a no go.That's how I created the term Estranged boyfriend or E.B for short.  Being away from each other has created a breeding ground for arguments, jealousy, frustration and tears. On both sides of the fence and it makes me wonder is this really all worth it.

" Love can be a many splendid thing can't deny the joy it brings a dozen roses diamond rings dreams for sale and fairy tales It will make you hear a symphony and you just want the world to see but like a drug that makes you blind it will fool you everytime The trouble with love is it can tear you up inside Make your heart believe a lie it's stronger than your pride The trouble with love is it doesn't care how fast you fall and you can't refuse the call see you got no say at all" - Kelly Clarkson "The trouble with love is"

January 2010

So I have been occupying my time with "other things". Work, my pending move, a few scattered friendly dates, friends, family, and whatever else can hold my attention for a few minutes. It works for the most part. Till I'm alone, and then I just want my baby back. I'm not one too become too attached. I can handle breakups, hell I've suggested it NUMEROUS times, but this isn't a break up it's something different. Something chaotic, and completely out of place. This is NOT how it's supposed to be. And I need that old thing back.

"We been to strong for too long and I can't be without you baby and I'll be waiting up until you get home cause I can't sleep without you baby Anybody whose ever loved you knows just what I feel Too hard to fake it Nothing can replace it Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby"- Mary J. Blige "Be Without You

I miss coming home after a long day of work and complaining about my boss and coworkers. I miss jokes about my green smoothies, hours of late night sex, and cuddled up asleep all morning after. I miss our lives working together. I miss emotion, conversations, laughs, even arguments I miss...LOVE.

So there's this boy. And I love him. Like fat kids love cake, like sunsets, and roses, like a fierce shoe, a cooling summer breeze, a warm hug, or a glass of merlot after a long work day. Like all of those things. MAGNIFIED. Three times. And more. He stole my heart and has yet to return it. And I'm not sure if I want it back.

A Case Of The EX

So there's this guy and we used to date. For like 5 freakin years!!! It's what television talk shows call a tumultuous relationship. No matter how horrible things got (and it was pretty freakin' horrible) we would always find our way back to each other. Not anymore. Thank God, but it was what it was. Or shall I say it is what it is. Let's call the ex MASTER MANIPULATOR. Better yet MM for short.

So MM and I kept our distance for at least three years and in those three years I'm happy to say I fell in love with someone else. I love my boyfriend. Like fresh air, sunshine and life itself. But lately he has placed me on this list. This list of importance. I think I place tenth. Somewhere behind family, friends, his music, his laptop, liquor, fresh socks, twitter and discussions about the Illuminati and New World Order. I don't know if it's intentional or just a male oversight, but I have become pretty unimportant. Just recently a very "warped" friendship has been rekindled between MM and myself. Notice I didn't say love, romance, or relationship. Just a very odd friendship. And we both feed off of it.

He gives me advice on my current relationship. Let's me know when I'm just being a girl and overreacting, or when my emotions and reasoning seem on point. He checks on me when things are rough and he keeps it real with me. For the most part. I provide for him the same.

I don't know if any of you have ever been in a predicament such as this, but I notice I get my best relationship advise from MM. Yes he's a middle aged, womanizing, man-whore, jobless asshole. A liar and manipulator at it's finest (thus the name), but he knows me. And that was the relationship that brought me from naive college junior to GROWN ASS WOMAN. Opened my eyes to how hard love really is. Not only love, but life. Not only does he know me. Let's not get it twisted he knows I'm the SugarHoneyIceTea, but he also knows that ship has sailed. But he's seen the growth and changes I went through and he seems to be the best person to give me advice. He's supportive, cool, and on point. When I need him he's a phone call away. And there aren't many I can say that about. Which leads me to ask. Can exes become friends? Not "friends", but friends. It seems like the most obvious thing. Who can know you better than a person that's seen your highs and lows and knows you dare I say....biblically. And can you maintain a relationship and this friendship at the same time?

Or is this just naive wishful thinking????