Monday, January 18, 2010

*pouts* I really want it *stomps*

Disclaimer: We could take this title and make it mean a lot of things...some of which are perverted. LOL Let your mind wander far off into the gutter. Go ahead. I can wait. LOL

So I'm kinda getting the shakes. Yes, the shakes. Those old drug-induces shakes. I really want to buy some new clothes! I sit and stare at fly ass knee-high boots on EVANS, cute plaid tops on Wet Seal, or Torrid. This is sooo pushing up on my "Get The Hell Out Of Racine" funds. Not to mention my hot, sweaty unquenchable desire for the Tiffany heart bracelet and necklace. Oh....did I mention I am STILL carless. Sheesh, will I ever control myself? Grrrr.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

any day is a good day for spring cleaning

Even through a dirty mirror you can still see yourself. So in the midst of lies, there is always a little truth.

I keep it real with myself, therefore it's easier to keep it real with others. I have many not-so-hot characteristics. I have many that I am very proud of. Due to a lack of time let's talk about those that make me stick my chest out just a bit. I am loyal. Almost to a fault. If you are a friend I will stick with you for years, even if you are on some SERIOUS bull shit. I have been working at an IHOP for almost five years. I'm sure I can find something better, but I love my job. I have also made it work for ME. If I am broke it's because of poor financial decisions on my part, NOT because I didn't make the money. So I don't walk away from anything easily. People know that they can turn to me during hard times. I have never been a fair weather friend. Don't even know what it's like to garner those shady ass characteristics. I do however know a few people who got more shade than a lamp, umbrella, and wide brimmed hat in the summertime COMBINED.

And they forced me to do some MASSIVE spring cleaning. BTW Spring cleaning can be done during any season. I just used the term spring, because when you're done what's left is a cleaner, fresher, brighter life and existence. Similar to that of...uhhh, yep you got it, spring!

Why do we have such bad tendencies to keep toxic people in our lives? When I say toxic I mean shady ass friends, unethical people, cheating boyfriends, leeching family members, and the like. I am very upfront about my feelings. When I love someone I want to keep them in the circle for as long as possible, but sometimes I don't notice what actions are telling me. When people are doing wrong by you they are basically saying, "I don't want to be apart of your circle anymore". Maybe they are in denial, or too scared to walk off on their own. Who really knows what makes them stay? I don't. What I do know is they don't wanna.

So I let them go.... it hurts a bit., but it's necessary. I let a friend go recently that I had been friends with so long I couldn't imagine us NOT being friends, but the attitude I got from her said, "Everyone else in my life is more important than you". So I gave her space and opportunity to spend time with those EXTRA important people. It was weird. I thought I was going to miss her to the point of tears, but honestly...I don't give a fuck. My life feels less.....chaotic now. It feels good. So the question is who are you holding onto that you shouldn't and exactly what is it going to take for you to let go? It's a new year and decade don't you want to start off fresh and clean?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

All my Plus size girls STAND UP!!!!

I am so excited about the upcoming V Magazine issue that hits tomorrow.Don't know about it???? Well here you go!

These ladies are HOT! Can't wait to see more! So just in case you were wondering beauty doesn't stop at a size 6. Thankyouverymuch!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

"She even wear her hair down her back like mine"

Don't get it twisted I love my baby to bits and pieces. My E.B. (Estranged Boyfriend) as I affectionately call him loves me too (I guess), but there's one thing we don't agree on. My love of wigs and weaves and no matter how hard I try to go without them for the sake of a happy home I can't. I just can't. I love me and I think I'm by far one of the coolest chicks on the planet, but I'm not as pretty without long hair. Yeah. That's a fucked up thing to say, but it's true. It's my truth.

"You make sure your hair looks pretty. Always have presentable hair. It's one thing to be fat, another to be black, but NEVER be fat, black, and bald-headed."

Those words came from the mouth of my mom when I was five. I will remember them for the rest of my life. I'm already a chubster. Even when I lose weight I will be happy at 175-180, and at my height (5'4") that will Still make me a chubster so fat is basically my life. I'm a dark ass girl. I'm ok with that. Ain't a bleaching cream in the world gonna change it. Nor do I want to change it. I'm a dark chocolate princess. A plus-size barbie. I'm a diva. A Bad Bitch, but not so much when I look like this.


I have NOTHING in common with the above two girls. They look like me, but yet just an uglier version of myself.

Call it a warped sense of self-esteem if you want, but it's all apart of a look. And I know exactly what look works for me. I do what I must to make myself feel beautiful. Maybe he feels I am beautiful without it, but I have learned over the years you can't change things about you for someone else's happiness. Even though it's nice to have other's love you. I like the love I have for myself a hell of a lot more. I like to get ready for work, look in the mirror, and know that when I get on the bus all the perverted men will be looking at me, because I'm THAT damn well put together! And I don't feel that way when it comes to the hair that grows out of my head. Sorry!

This girl is me....synthetic half-wig happiness and all
So do what makes you happy...Wayne said, "She even wear her hair down her back like mine". But he didn't say shyt about how she got it! LOL

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I got 99 Problems...: A Look at the sanctity of love and relationships

Disclaimer: I am NOT a relationship expert by any means. My own current "situation" is sooooo "effed up" I would be the last person to point out another person's "room to improve". What I do know is love, how it feels, and what I expect. And Honestly that's all I can discuss.

Who knows... maybe you've been under a rock and didn't know that "Mama Creole" aka Tina Knowles aka Beyonce mama has filed for divorce from husband of 29 years Mr. Matthew Knowles in late November. Matthew is currently fighting a paternity suit from a Miss Alexsandra Wright who claims to be the mother of his latest project, a child. There have been rumors milling around about Mr. Knowles for years. From him attempting to ruin the careers of others (i.e LaTavia and LeToya), a possible yayo addiction and a giving penis (i.e he likes to GIVE it to Everybody). Well from the looks of it it has all finally caught up with him. I'm not posting it to begin my celeb-parents gossip dish, but to say this. Is there respect or sanctity in love and marriage anymore?

It seems that men and women are not content coming home to the same person each day, and making love to the same person each night. People have taken on this "variety is the spice of life" mentality. Most of the time they forget to let their partners in on this new-age train of thought. Maybe I'm just a good-girl gone bad. Raised in a Wisconsin church with what appeared to be good, stable, old school marriages around me. People who stuck it out over many a rough spot, but made it out of the turmoil together just as smooth as silk. Maybe I saw too much of that and expect the same in my life. Maybe I want too much. Or is it that people currently don't want enough from their relationships?

I refuse to go into details about how much this man has screwed up

I decided to send out a random text/facebook/twitter question today: Is there ever a time cheating is acceptable? The answers were pretty much what I expected. The ladies ranged from it's okay if it's a vengeful payback cheat, no, no and hell no! The gentlemen (and I use that term loosely for some) had more to say. I got a flat out no, a yes if she's not giving me oral and a.........
Yes. If it's a payback. Or the other person is a 10. Or if you've cheated w/ this person before. Or if you're out of state. Or if you're drunk. Or if you don't remember.--my manwhore bud, David

So in a nutshell men have a tendency to believe that their are legitimate reasons to cheat. So where does that leave a relationship? If you can't promise you body to one person, then why promise your heart? Why forge ahead into a long relationship or marriage that you aren't ready to be apart of?

explain to me how did a married man go from.......this

to this...without a slight thought of divorce until AFTER he was caught! smh

Hmmm Go figure! Does the world find sanctity in love anymore? Why couldn't Mr. Knowles say, "I have been with this woman for over twenty-nine years, I have 2 daughters one that I have famously pimped all over the damn planet (oops forgive me lol) and she deserves more respect than this". People forget that the main attribute of love is respect if you can't respect a person, and their wishes, you both should leave before it gets messy. Love is a very touchy emotion. When it's good it's GOOD and when it's bad please believe it's BAD. Hurt feeling lead to bruised some cases. So think about it. Exactly who and what do you hold dear to you? And be woman or man enough to let everything else........go.

Turning the page: A new Life

Warning: I have lived enough life to know a thing or two, but I also have lived enough to know in the whole span of it all I don't know a damn thing. It's true to say when you feel like you know everything. More than likely you don't know squat. At least the person who doesn't have the answers is still trying to find them. That takes some humbling and intelligence.

I am what I like to call the outcome of a Mississippi-Tennessee collaboration, that just happens to be Wisconsin born and raised. Racine, Wisconsin to be precise. Home of kringle and the team that won the Championships in the 1992 motion picture A League of Their Own.

The All-American Girls Professional Baseball League

1945 Racine Belles

Yep, that's all my city really has going for itself. I have lived here for my entire life, and though it's home it's also......stagnating. If you ever want to know what it's like to live in a town full of people with a crab in a barrel behaviorism come check us out. If not keep it moving. I have decided to move. Not far away. My dream would be to land in Memphis, or Atlanta. Somewhere where all my cute chubby existence would be sopped up biscuit style by all the hot guys, but instead I'm moving about thirty minutes north. Destination: Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Not familiar with Milwaukee? Let me help you out...LOL

I could go as far as Happy Days and the like, but you get the point. LOL

Why Milwaukee? Well E.B. ,the love of my life requested it. And I need something new. I've been an independent woman damn near since birth, but sometimes when you have something on your mind you really want to do you need a push. My push was his request. It's the place where he was raised and though I am not normally a fan of women making moves like this I'm making it on my own terms. It's kinda scary to do, but I'm so excited! I need a bigger city. One with cool organic grocery stores, hundreds of coffee shops, more than one mall, and it's own basketball team!

Part of me is kinda scared too, but I am bubbling over with excitement at the same time. Time for something big, something new and something.....better!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Things my Mama Taught me: Unheeded Good advice on Loot, Life, and Love Vol. I

I have learned a lot from my mom......well NOT exactly. I've learned a lot from life's experiences. Unfortunately for me they were all things my mom had warned me about before hand. I was just too damn stubborn to listen. Teenagers know every damn thing. Chicks in their early twenties seem to as well, but when you reach my age (28 shhhhh) you look back on situations differently. I do wish I would have heeded all the warnings given to me as a young woman, but honestly the ride of life is far more interesting with a few good stories and a little heartache. I can't appreciate the stories without a bit of experience. I'm re-dispensing it hoping someone will hear me out.

I have dated my share of broke ass men. Hell I'm a waitress. I don't think I'm exactly what a stock broker is looking for, but when I say broke ass men I mean.....
"Let's split a soda with two straws not because it looks cute, but because I honestly can't afford to buy you the Coke Zero you want right now".

Yes sir and maam..THAT kind of broke. I won't knock these guys completely. At first glance they were the ones that treated me the best (noticed I said at first) the broke ones also had the biggest tendencies to be cheaters, but that's neither here nor there back to the subject.

Generally these guys meant well, but when shyt hit the fan they didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. They always wanted to take me "somewhere" nice, but that was always placed in their "one day" file. Along with "pay off child support" or "get a phone in my own name". It generally starts with you being sympathetic to their plight. You pay for a meal here, a pack of cigarettes there, a bag of green from his favorite local supplier (whhaaaa??? So I'm the only one?), buy him a pack of boxers or socks, and before you know it BAM!!! Congratulations, you are now having a sexual and romantic relationship with what you might as well consider your own damn child. Grown men take care of themselves. I have been a victim of this.....more than once. Never again. I flaunt my money in relationships...let them know exactly whats popping off in my checking and savings and when they put their hand out....I say Hell No! See I'm not a skinny girl, but I'm not Rasputia huge either. I once had a guy say to me "Damn so you make good money in that place huh? Well do you pay like you weigh?"

to those that don't get it the asshole asked me do I supply my boyfriends financially in an even ratio to my weight

Needless to say the square got punched in his damn face. But the comment lingered in my head for a while. Who wants to pay for companionship? What type of shyt is that. So I keep my wallet closed. Similar to my legs....cause everybody don't get the goodies. And they sure as hell don't get my cash!

Ne-yo and Mr. Curtis Jackson got girls wandering around looking and being downright silly. "Have a baby by me a millionaire?" GTFOH! Ladies you really think 50 hoppin' in bed with ragamuffin, hoodrat, hip-hop groupies and making their financial dreams come true? Please be serious. He made that song so some random guy could tell you that a few times, get you a couple of shots of Nuvo and knock you up. Trust me next year sometime you'll be in child support court realizing he ain't even a thousand-aire, and the apartment with the private balcony is really the 2 bedroom house he stays in with his Grandma. (He has his own private entry so he don't have to hear her mess!)

In parting.....Think wisely in this day and age your credit score and ability to take care of yourself will last far longer than the average marriage. my mama put it.....

....ain't nobody gonna help you like you help yourself!


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