Wednesday, May 12, 2010

In search of the five letter word.........

DISCLAIMER: I'm a believer in love. Love and a good wholesome, healthy, honest relationship has ALWAYS been my goal. As I get closer and closer to thirty I look at the relationships I'm surrounded by, and the things I've experienced and wonder.....where is the healthy BLACK relationship? Where is the five letter word? What word you ask???? Trust. Most relationships don't have it. Or they make a mockery of it, or better yet someone in the relationship (maybe even on both sides) has done something to destroy it. But when it's been destroyed is it possible to rebuild it?

Trust may refer to:

I don't consider myself to be naive.  I look at every side of a situation before I jump into it. I acknowledge the pros and cons, but I'm always hopeful that they will land on the positive side of the fence. My trust in a person doesn't happen magically overnight. They have to prove themselves to be trustworthy. In the case of a relationship a man would have to be honest with me on every level to gain my trust. Or at least make me believe he is honest. When situations arise that lead me to believe that he is not the trust begins to dwindle away. I may not say a word to him about it, but everyday thereafter my trust in that man will be drastically altered. I have never made an effort to rebuild before. I just let it dwindle until I walk out and give up. I've given up on a lot of people. Mainly for small mistakes. Now that I'm feeling the need to give it ANOTHER chance I'm on uncharted territory. So I guess I need to know.....

How do you REBUILD trust?
Or better yet...can you? I have heard of couples trying and it not working. I understand why. When a person has been wronged, neglected, or hurt it is hard to pretend like it didn't happen. It's hard to not be apprehensive about it happening again. We all forgive. NO ONE truly forgets. So after you know a person is capable of that is love truly enough to make you put what pieces are left back together and give it another try?

Love is strong it helps you endure some tough situations, but I know you can love someone and not trust them. It's a fucked up place to be, but it is very, very, very VERY, possible. It's not a happy place to be. I had a boyfriend years back that I loved with a fiery passion. I also had such a lack of trust in him I followed him in the bathroom when he pee'd. Yes, I'm serious. I wouldn't do that now, but that was the situation then. Needless to say after the a few bathroom trips with me sitting on the edge of the tub and he was outta there. How the fuck do you start over...with someone you already know anyway. I'm sure someone has done it before and made it work...I wish I could find that couple and ask them some questions?? Your answers are always welcome on this quest......

1 comment:

  1. Good read, good post. Trust is difficult to rebuild. It takes a lot of time and energy but you have to remember whether or not you are willing to let go of the past and start all over. It's hard to do that b/c at times, you'll have those "what if's" and doubts that he's doing this or he's doing that. I believe that it is possible to regain trust. You can give it a try and if it just doesn't feel right or if you're feeling those doubts again, then you haven't let go of the past and you are not ready to. My advice is that you take that chance, give it a try, and see if it works out for you. Good luck.



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