I got a crush on......

My style is pretty eclectic. It fits all parts of my life. The clothes I like. My personality traits. The music I dig. It's all one big hodge podge. Including the men I find sexy so just to give you an idea of what I deem attractive here's just a few of my crushes....I will update as I find more attractive men..... LOL

Top Row: (L to R) Usher Raymond, Jon Stewart, Trey Songz

Middle Row: (L to R) Justin Timberlake, Maxwell, T.I

Bottom Row: (L to R) Anderson Cooper, Robin Thicke, Steven Colbert

By the way I am more than aware that Anderson Cooper doesn't like my gender, but I find him attractive regardless. Maybe it's the white hair, the journalistic integrity, or just plain cuteness, but he does something for me. 

All of them do something for me in a different way. May it be humor, intellect, maturity, manly ruggedness, style, class, southern charm, or just a good ol' petty lickable six pack. 

So......

Who rubs you the right way???

That's Real: The Chris Brown Edition

 This was the best Micheal tribute!!! This tops everything BET did to honor Michael put together times two....in comparison to last years' fiasco. Say what you want to about this child (yes I refer to him as a child), but that performance was heartfelt. Who knows what was going on in his head and heart, but he left it out there on that stage and I loved it, because.....THAT'S REAL.

the swizz beats/ A. Keys lifetime collabo....my thoughts

Okay she is absolutely beautiful and downright stunning. I could only hope to be half as pretty in my possible future pregnancy, but when I look at these I can't help, but think, "Awwwww how cute....lil' slut homewrecker!"

So sue me!!!

 My blog my effin thoughts!! Who gives a fuck about a grammy? Not I. She's talented. Beautiful. and Morally Bankrupt. smh. *steps off soapbox* Can't wait to see how this pans out. 

Honestly the hardest battle to fight in is the battle within yourself. 

Heart vs. Mind is a hard war to win. 

What is right doesn't always feel good. 

And...

What feels good is definitely not always right. 

She Micheal Jackson bad.

*stands up and claps*

Give it up to the plus size model, Anansa Sims. Beautiful. Sexy. Gorgeous. Larger than most. But just as beautiful (if not more) Than the smaller. Just gotta rep my plus size beauties. Dope fat girls....please stand up!

So I was thinking.....(a random inebriated rant) The "my life" version

So drink in hand I go back to rambling....... I don't know why I like doing this so much, but it's fun.....either I'm annoying the fuck outta you or you're laughing along. Either way this is a high point of my day. And if you don't like it......well you know what the hell to do. 

So we all know that I decided that before I bring myself to nervous breakdown status I'm going away for a while. Not to an insane asylum or a home for women with "broken relationships" (though I'd swear I'd go if they had one). I'm spending exactly six months living in the Windy City with my bestie, Donna. (insert adorable pic of us here)

Yeah.... Chicago for rejuvenation and relaxation you ask??? Yep. ya damn right. Seems a little ass backwards I know, but it's a chance to forget the things that have happened and make some new fabulous things happen. When you're a small town midwest girl like myself. Chicago is kinda like our New York. 

......concrete jungle where dreams are made of......there's nothing you can't do....

I'm currently planning my 29th birthday/going away party while packing and securing a Chi-town gig. It's all alot, but the most difficult part is leaving my mommy. We almost NEVER see eye to eye, but she is my rock. She's not happy to see her baby go, but *sigh* some moments are uber necessary. 

Rocking the natural hair this week. Hmmmm no comment. I need my ends trimmed but weaveless feels strange. My head feels......light LOL.

So it's been MONTHS since I got my eyebrows done...yet and still my nails are done bi weekly...tootsies done monthly smh....don't ask.

Anyone seen the commercial for the new game show Downfall??? WTF is Chris Jericho hosting a game show??? Why???

So I'm looking for a pair of bad ass pink gladiator heels for my party to no avail....Blah...that sucks....

You know what else sucks.....I'm going to miss my job and co-workers something awful....they are my family...I am with them all EVERYDAY

I can NOT stop playing Nicki Minaj's "I get crazy", Kanye West's "Power", and Lyfe Jennings "Statistics" All for different Reasons. Ummm yeahhh hot shyt.

One thing someone told me the other day that was oh so true. "It isn't necessarily what it is....it's what it's perceived to be".

I have no real direction with Chocolate Girl Wonder, but she's mine. My baby. And this blog has helped me through some rough times. Thanks to all who have followed my random antics...LOL

My fear of animals is ridiculous....I mean off the chain. I'll leave it at that Especially rodents and vermin. *shivers and squeals*

My landlord was here today and he laid his tools down right next to my wig. ROTFLMAO Can we say very uncomfortable middle aged Caucasian male??

Those that truly love you will always be there. Always. This Chicago thing is for me to get me together, but I will also be able to see whose still around when I return. Either it will be stronger or it wont be. I will only place 100% folks in my life from here on out. Ninety-nine and a half won't do.

I got a text this morning that read: Real talk i kinda miss you a bit. Don't tell nobody. Smile!
(my response?? Of course you miss me. Why wouldn't you? And you should wanna tell the world) LOL


Ummmm *licks lips* rapeable...yes I said that rapeable....that man is yummy and I stand by this staement  with not an ounce of shame.....Loves me some Trey!

I'm craving a Coke Zero something awful so......that's all....LOL

Kanye West - Good Morning

I decided every once in a while Im going to post a video that I'm feeling at the moment.....I don't know if it's the college dropout bear, the message, or the entire video, but this was kinda callin my name this A.M. soooooo......Good morning!

The age factor

The last time I checked women go into menopause generally around the mid forties to mid fifties stage. Until then their ovaries and other baby making organs are hard at work...doing whatever it is they generally do. I say all that to say I am NOT in any form of menopausal or pre-menopausal stage. So why when people figure out that I'm a twenty-eight year old black woman whose not married, intelligent, not crazy, and NOT A MOTHER I get that "really that's odd" face. Like I said I have one eye, two noses and three ass cheeks.  WTF is that about? Why does society expect me to be a single mother? What happened to being wives, and then mothers. Or even just having a child that's planned rather than being unpleasantly surprised? So let's discuss the age factor. What it's like to be an almost thirty childless woman in a world of under drinking age baby mamas. 


  First things first I am not disrespecting my single mothers. You work magic everyday and deserve all the accolades that are due. I just find it odd that I'm expected to be one. The looks, stares, glares, and eventually smiles I get when I say I have no kids. The funny things is the majority of the off looks come from women. Like once I admit to being childless I am no longer apart of the sisterhood. I get this face of shock as if I just revealed on Maury that I'm a man. It seems to abruptly change the tone of the conversation and sometimes downright ends it. Especially with girls younger than me. I believe that sometimes they look to me for this motherly know it all advice, but then second guess me as naive, or young or not as experienced in life. The fact of the matter is if you're looking to talk to me about childcare, potty training techniques, your child's behavior at school, or breast feeding I may or may not be of help. You want to talk to me about a good crease brush, a mixed drink recipe, the pros and cons of OPI vs. China Glaze, who in the city does a great full set and design, money management, or wine decisions I am your girl. It's not that I'm immature. I am actually very mature, but maturity level hasn't reached parent stage yet. And you know what???? It doesn't have to. I'm still allowed to be selfish, because I have no responsibilities. The fact of the matter is I have had many, many life experiences. Child birth and motherhood is just a few that I haven't had. It doesn't make me inexperienced when it comes to life. I'm waiting for that experience I know it will trump all others. 


  I had to first decide whether I even wanted to be a parent. After years of debating I decided that I wanted to. Then I have to find a suitable father. And then we have to have sex. See??? I know how it works I'm just pacing myself. LOL For me it makes sense to enjoy my twenties. I enjoy quality time to myself. Quiet. Peace. Doing what I want to when I want to. Being selfish. Then.....I will venture out into making a family. That I plan with someone I love. Or a sperm bank. LOL Who the hell knows, but the people around me aren't going to force the issue for my life. Not even my mother who whines constantly about wanting grandbabies. No one has more say about my goodies than me. I know the clock is ticking, but I'm no where near out of time.

Ummmm yeah so I had a little party this past weekend.....and no one was invited.....yep I did that damage all by myself *shrugs* yeah I think I'm done for awhile. 

So I was thinking.......( a random inebriated rant): The love/sex/relationship version

Excuse me while I fill my special Moscato glass. This rant is going to go everywhere so......if you're into structured blogging might I suggest you move to St. Elsewhere. And this will not be a G rated discussion.....so ummm you have been fully warned. This could get a little crude, crass, gutta, and whatever other euphemism you may use for unlady like tackiness. Let the show begin.

I could shave my goodies into a cute little heart, maintain all body hair to a low if not non-existent stage, maintain flawless sexy bouncy hair at all times, cute pedicured toes, a hot wardrobe, a cute face, and a sick shoe game, a beautiful mind, and a sexy plump body, with earth-shattering good va-jay jay and I will still be in the club/church/museum/casino/library/___________(fill in blank with any location women go hopelessly looking to meet men) searching. I wont spend another second looking for him....






TELL THAT MUTHAFUCKA COME FIND ME

Maybe love is not for me. MM told me that I give the best love to the worst niggas. Hmmm soooo what you're trying to tell me is to stop being who I am??? Stop being a good woman. Or pick better men??? Well in my defense the men I date don't tend to show that they are sub-par until after I put all my energy and good loving on em'. Yeah after I've stroked there ego and done many "good woman" acts they then want to jump out of the proverbial birthday cake on some "Hey baby I ain't shyt/I got issues/I'm a fixer-upper/I'm crazy/I'm a hoe" type shyt. SMH I'm thinking about becoming asexual. (Look it up) This is just becoming too much. But wait...where will I get sex? Never mind. I'll just do porn.....and remain single j/k.
I am proud to say at the age of 28 I have finally learned how to differentiate between love and sex. It took a while, but I finally understand it. The person I love has some pretty kick ass sex. If I could continuously give him the na-na without being reminded of the love I'd do it, but I can't. The love part is FAR more confusing than the good old bump and grind sooo... I'll just have lonely na-na. (Jeez that sux!) Ladies please learn the difference it will save you a LOT of unnecessary heartache. 
Oh and while I'm going on about "doin' it" yall wrap it up!!!! Hoes are on the prowl!!! Life is far more fulfilling than an orgasm. And I heard single parent-hood ain't too fun either!
Some people tend to believe that fat/chubby/curvy girls aren't cute enough to have men/boyfriends/potentials/suitors/etc. I have heard some go into detail about how unattractive, unappealing, and undesirable a plus-size woman is to them....ummm ok babes that is your opinion. Hold onto it for dear life but you will never make me believe that this chick right here aint the hottest fat girl alive.

And I can give you a front and back list of men who feel the same. It has nothing to do with being even an ounce of conceited, but it has everything to do with being sexy and confident. I know that any real man wouldn't dare dream of fucking off on this girl....as MM would say unless he was on his, "Hoe nigga shyt".
I'm not the baddest chick in the game, but my exes always leave me for some extra lame ugly bitches....ugh WTF are THEY on???? smh They must got bank!!
Who fakes orgasms??? *hand up* I do!! The male ego is a delicate thing. If you tell him he's the shit he will act accordingly. If you tell him he bang like he just discovered he even had a penis you will get nothing, but a man that's scared to try again....so I do what I gotta.....when I gotta. 
Every woman should know a few great sexual tricks. Use them accordingly. Every man don't deserve the "taj Mahal" some just need to get the state capital.
The next man I seriously date has to bring so much to the table all I need to do is pull up a chair and feast! I'm not at all a gold-digger, but if I gotta donate to his fund...I am done. I'm on my Tierra Marie shit. I'm trying to find myself a sponsor.....
Don't be fooled by this ramble sex isn't the ruler of my existence. Love is. I'm just a tad bit (understatement) disillusioned by the relationships I've been in. Some things will never change. I'm a princess. I still want a prince. A real one. 
One thing I have never been able to do. Make myself stop loving someone....hmmm??? Is it really even possible?? If any of you have tried and succeeded. Teach me. Please?
Why are so many men ok with being rebounds. It makes me wonder.....do you really want my exes bitter ass leftovers? 
Ummm I learned the hard way...it really is the motion of the ocean. Cuz everyone that fills a gold wrapped condom isn't beating down walls...smh I would explain, but I don't wanna pull up that sad memory.And even worse incriminate myself. 
I digress I am no longer against cheating... a woman's reason is never the same as a man's. I know. I shocked myself when I came to this conclusion. It's still not right, but *kanye shrug*
I can't stand a liar..I guess it's the truth. Men lie. Women lie. Numbers don't. 
Sometimes I want to be a hoe just to see why niggas like doing it so much, but then I realize I have a full time job. It takes too much effort to remember which men I'm turning down. Who the hell has time to accept them all and date them all. Hell I do got to sleep!
I'm waiting. The man upstairs is going to give me a man that is everything I wanted, and some of the things I didn't know I wanted and I'm going to love him long time. And dammit he will feel the same way about this chocolate girl. The love will be amazing. The Sex will be amazing. And the relationship will....be amazing. With a trifecta like that we will be unstoppable. Until then.....I just have to be unstoppable....by my damn self.

 

Kissing you..........

Someone gave me an old High school flashback so I had to revert to a good ol' nineties songs. Cause honestly right now I'm missing those lips.....and yeah I wanna kiss him *wink* Lol

The question is......who is HE????????? *sly grin*

Confessions of a bitter bitch.....Pt. 1 My Almost Demise

I've been hurt, cheated on, and lied to. Many times. Yet I continued to believe the power of love would prevail over all. I believed the promises of change, the belief that things would get better, the idea that every thing was something that could be fixed.

So I forged ahead in this murky water of a relationship. Until I couldn't even see where I was going anymore. And worse off.....I couldn't even see my hand in front of my own damn face. I was so stuck on forging ahead I couldn't see myself. I lost the most important person...me. And when I lost her..me, my main bitch...all hell broke loose. My ability to be logical and rational flew out the door. I began to blame everyone else for his infidelities...even myself. The other woman became the enemy even though she was just as clueless as I was. I wanted to go to war. I wanted destruction and blood on the pavement. I wanted heads to roll and people to feel as bad , hopeless, useless, destroyed, and torn down as I felt. I wanted someone to feel the emptiness I felt in my heart. That nulling pain that I filled with alcohol all day. I needed someone to feel that lump in my throat that caused me to eat one meal every other day. I needed someone else to lose sleep and cry. I needed someone else...anyone else to pay. To pay for my heartache. I became elusive, distant, cold and callous. I closed my eyes and envisioned my lover meeting his demise at my very own hands. I had planned at very least giving him the ass whooping of a lifetime. Hospitalization included of course. Breathing tubes and all. And while setting up in my head this crazy plan, sitting silently, methodically on my bed. Letting my thoughts brew and fester that would lead me to becoming the next new SNAPPED episode.... I STOPPED.

Only then had I realized what this situation had done to me My bitterness was seconds away from eating me alive. The tears began to fall and I couldn't catch my breath. I felt trapped. In a relationship that would never be right, in a relationship that was killing my very existence and spirit. I picked up the phone and called my best friend. "I'm not strong enough to leave", I cried. "I need help". And together in and hour and a half we devised my getaway plan. A plan that requires me leaving my home, my city, my state. Which all may seem drastic, but the plan also included, the most important elements: Regaining my life. Nurturing my soul. Rediscovering Valecia. Picking up the pieces. And making me whole again. So now I prepare myself for a new home and for the healing to begin. This will not be easy. But my God it is so necessary. Am I still hurt??? yes. Angry?? Damn right!  Bitter? Most definitely. Time to heal..... I'm so ready for the process to begin.  I no longer want to be...bitter.

Runaway..........

Ok I'm obviously NOT married, or in the market to be, but the stress, hurt, and issues keep piling up...and what the hell am I going to do you ask?? What all weak women do when pinned up against the wall. I'm running away. Figuratively and literally. Just a period in time where I can get my mind right. And rekindle love with my first boo, my damn self. I'm really thinking about putting all my stuff in storage, and leaving for six months just to......breathe. Moments like these I'm so glad I don't have kids... because A) Their mama is in a fucked up place thought-wise right now and B) We all know fucked up mama's lead to fucked up kids. So I think I saved a generation..personally. But even the idea of running away is done quite methodically so I won't be going anywhere immediately but when I go you will know........it's time for the stress to end and the adventures to begin. And hopefully when I decide to pick up the pieces that are my normal life again the pieces will fit perfectly and there won't be any jagged pieced left to hurt me....maybe. Or maybe I will just deal with things better. But yes before I have a nervous breakdown I would much rather hit the road. And I hope you all come along for the trip. <3

The Heart Of The Matter

I can't think of a song that describes where I am right now more than this


"The Heart Of The Matter"
[originally performed by Don Henley]

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore 

Behind the mask......

DISCLAIMER: I'm not really sure where this is going to lead me, but it's what my heart says needs to be done. I feel like I am so easy to figure out. I'm what I like to call simple complex. There are so many levels to the woman I am, but I'm not hard to understand. Or so I thought. I'm obviously very wrong. My thoughts are always construed. The opinions of me range from psycho, crazy, demanding, anal retentive, bossy, bitter bitch to cool, funny, silly, relate able, honest, smart, a great friend, an even better confider,  authoritative, level-headed and supportive. These are ALL true. Too a certain extent. Personally I thought I fell somewhere in the middle. I feel so misunderstood. So...allow me to reintroduce myself. Chocolate Girl Wonder. The Dark Chocolate Princess. Valecia. On a work day just, V.  This is who I am. Behind the Synthetic Freetress, The Milkyway 1B, and the MAC. Even behind the words on this page. Let's discuss the woman behind the mask.







MYTH #1 : You're a bitch!
I am hyper sensitive. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions in my pocket. A harsh word. A slight sharp look. A sour critique. And my day is virtually ruined. I try not to be that sensitive, but it's who I am. I am very good at hiding it. When I was little I was the brunt of a lot of jokes. I'll say between the ages of 4 and 7 I got picked on a lot. The funny thing was I was always picked on by 12 and 13 year olds. I quickly learned how to build up an exterior. First I learned how to fight. Warrior fight. To the point where I had fear of no one. Not a soul. Then I became quick-witted. I could shut down a person with my words without thinking. I began to make grown men cry with my words. Some of the things that came out of my mouth would even startle me. After that I was left alone. But I think the years of fighting, animosity, and resentfulness had just made me mean. But that all came from protecting myself. That's all I have is me. If I can't protect that I'm hopeless. I've seemed to have mastered the "I don't give a fuck" demeanor. The real story is I give a fuck too much!  If I had it my way the world would be my friend. We would all hold hands and drink Coke. I'm just not that lucky.I personally think it's a better look to be caught checking somebody than crying. I just don't want to be SEEN as weak. Even though I have just admitted enough to be seen as weak. *shrugs*

MYTH #2 You fake!!!
 If you mean fake as in hair and acrylics then hell yeah I am....and proud, but if you mean fake as in phony, not being honest about who I am then obviously you haven't read this blog for long. If I died knowing that I only had one redeeming quality it would be that I'm honest. I can't pretend to be someone else. I am who I am. I could attempt to make the story look better, but it is what the hell it is. I'm what people may sometimes call blunt. If you're looking for someone to tell you the truth I will. So why would I lie about myself for. Here's some honesty ready:
; I am typing this while drinking a bottle (yes bottle) of Moscato. I could very well be considered a functioning alcoholic.....
 I have never really seen me as pretty...ever! I saw myself as incredibly photogenic in the right light
 I just can't seem to lose any weight lately I think I'm gonna give the fuck up
; I dropped out as a college junior with a major in Journalism, I now serve pancakes for a living.
 I blog like I talk so proper grammar is not a priority.....
 anything else I need to expose about me??? Hmm??? Maybe this comes from people who look at my facebook pictures and then see my plump body and shiny ass face out and about who knows what the fuck it is, but I am far from fake....be like Nicki Minaj and Roger that shit!!

MYTH #3 You're a loner!!
 Ummm yes and no! I'd rather surround myself with people I love. If you are someone that I consider a friend, but not a close one start acting funny. I will not even think about questioning your actions I will just cut you from the list. I rather have no one on my list than some attitudinal sometimey ass people in my life. I was born alone and will more than likely die alone. Why not get some "me" time in between?

 I know I haven't even delved into half of it, but I tried. Maybe someday I will be understood....maybe.

Life as a fat girl Part 3: The relationships and the men that made them....

DISCLAIMER: It's been a looooooong time coming. Not quite sure why I left you hanging, but I'm picking up where I left off back in *turns and coughs* March. LOL Sorry about that. As I raise my glass of Moscato we can get into the stories of life....and the best parts...LOVE. So...let's begin shall we.....

Soooo in August of 1999 I stepped out of my God mother's Cadillac into a hot unbearable heat in a tiny nowhere town called Senatobia, Mississippi. Before that...I had a hard time getting boys to look at me. Wait I take that back. I had a hard time getting boys I LIKED to look at me. I was a college freshman 642 miles away from home. If I didn't do anything else I was going to have a good time. And I did. I had a date damn near every night first semester. This was soooooo new. By Thanksgiving I had settled on a cutie we will call A.H (Almost Husband) I was 18. He was 17. He was a senior who took classes part time at the community college I attended. We worked together at the local Burger King and somehow became inseparable. He was everything I wanted a boyfriend to be (or so I thought). As the days went on I realized Community college wasn't really my bag. We mutually agreed that I would go back to Wisconsin and attend the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. I did however come back to Wisconsin an engaged woman. Yes I was going to marry A.H even though I didn't know a damn thang about life or love yet. I just knew I had found the first boy who really liked me. And maybe...just maybe even loved me. We stayed together. Somehow. Until I met my first love, MM (You remember him fondly as Master Manipulator). That's when everything changed. I broke off my long-distance relationship for what stood in front of me. A strong, gorgeous, chocolate, sexy straight out of prison co-worker. (Yeah I see you shaking your head) Say what you want. He was breathtaking and he wanted little ole' college girl me. To him I was a sexy ass chocolate girl. Yeah I know it's all talk, but when you don't get praise. That shit meant everything.

That relationship was volatile at best. Constant lying, cheating, and of course manipulation on his part. I was dating a man thirteen years older than me. Even being the book smart college junior I was, my book smarts was no match for his street knowledge. I felt trapped. I felt like I had to stay because no one made me feel as special, but then again no one tore me down as much. I felt like I couldn't do any better. We went back and forth for almost five years till finally I realized I couldn't beat myself up anymore. I actually could find better. It wouldn't be the next day, but it would DEFINITELY happen. If I let M.M go.

So I enjoyed about a year of the single life. It was nice. Vacations. Time with friends. Discovering ones self. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Singleness is not my thing. I was left to my own devices and not to mention no regular cuddling and sex. Jeez that sucked, but I made it through with a lil' help here and there *wink* and found myself with a suitor...

Now at 26 the fairy tale of love should have been clean over, but the little girl in me never quite gave up the dream. Enter E.B (Estranged Boyfriend). Massive flirting. Lots of phone calls, one visit, and BAM!!! We were a live-in couple......well kinda. Our bodies were in the same location for the most parts. Well rarely. But our minds were somewhere else. I spent a large portion of time trying to get used to living with a man. He spent a large portion of time trying to get the hell out of the house. Anywhere that wasn't there. Was there love there? Hell yeah. But the differences were too strong. I take pride in saying I loved hard. Harder than I knew I was capable of. I loved him as is. He had issues with me as is. I gave all of me. But.....we all know we can't make people treat you the way you need. It faltered. Even though I gave my all. It wasn't enough. Do I feel bad? No. I did all I can do...It happens that way sometimes.I will never talk bad about him. That love for me was amazing it brightened my life. We just couldn't make that shine last. The famous two words are always....LESSON LEARNED.

 There were some guys in between these three, but these gentleman have yet to be rivaled in the effect they placed on my life. The emotion, the growth, the tears, the love, the anger. Not bad for the little, short, fat black girl with slightly askew hair. Who thought know one would like her...not because of the hair, but the whole short, black, fat thing. The men are still coming and the story still continues..... it's always interesting....in the life of a fat girl