So I was thinking.......( a random inebriated rant): The love/sex/relationship version

Excuse me while I fill my special Moscato glass. This rant is going to go everywhere so......if you're into structured blogging might I suggest you move to St. Elsewhere. And this will not be a G rated discussion.....so ummm you have been fully warned. This could get a little crude, crass, gutta, and whatever other euphemism you may use for unlady like tackiness. Let the show begin.

I could shave my goodies into a cute little heart, maintain all body hair to a low if not non-existent stage, maintain flawless sexy bouncy hair at all times, cute pedicured toes, a hot wardrobe, a cute face, and a sick shoe game, a beautiful mind, and a sexy plump body, with earth-shattering good va-jay jay and I will still be in the club/church/museum/casino/library/___________(fill in blank with any location women go hopelessly looking to meet men) searching. I wont spend another second looking for him....






TELL THAT MUTHAFUCKA COME FIND ME

Maybe love is not for me. MM told me that I give the best love to the worst niggas. Hmmm soooo what you're trying to tell me is to stop being who I am??? Stop being a good woman. Or pick better men??? Well in my defense the men I date don't tend to show that they are sub-par until after I put all my energy and good loving on em'. Yeah after I've stroked there ego and done many "good woman" acts they then want to jump out of the proverbial birthday cake on some "Hey baby I ain't shyt/I got issues/I'm a fixer-upper/I'm crazy/I'm a hoe" type shyt. SMH I'm thinking about becoming asexual. (Look it up) This is just becoming too much. But wait...where will I get sex? Never mind. I'll just do porn.....and remain single j/k.
I am proud to say at the age of 28 I have finally learned how to differentiate between love and sex. It took a while, but I finally understand it. The person I love has some pretty kick ass sex. If I could continuously give him the na-na without being reminded of the love I'd do it, but I can't. The love part is FAR more confusing than the good old bump and grind sooo... I'll just have lonely na-na. (Jeez that sux!) Ladies please learn the difference it will save you a LOT of unnecessary heartache. 
Oh and while I'm going on about "doin' it" yall wrap it up!!!! Hoes are on the prowl!!! Life is far more fulfilling than an orgasm. And I heard single parent-hood ain't too fun either!
Some people tend to believe that fat/chubby/curvy girls aren't cute enough to have men/boyfriends/potentials/suitors/etc. I have heard some go into detail about how unattractive, unappealing, and undesirable a plus-size woman is to them....ummm ok babes that is your opinion. Hold onto it for dear life but you will never make me believe that this chick right here aint the hottest fat girl alive.

And I can give you a front and back list of men who feel the same. It has nothing to do with being even an ounce of conceited, but it has everything to do with being sexy and confident. I know that any real man wouldn't dare dream of fucking off on this girl....as MM would say unless he was on his, "Hoe nigga shyt".
I'm not the baddest chick in the game, but my exes always leave me for some extra lame ugly bitches....ugh WTF are THEY on???? smh They must got bank!!
Who fakes orgasms??? *hand up* I do!! The male ego is a delicate thing. If you tell him he's the shit he will act accordingly. If you tell him he bang like he just discovered he even had a penis you will get nothing, but a man that's scared to try again....so I do what I gotta.....when I gotta. 
Every woman should know a few great sexual tricks. Use them accordingly. Every man don't deserve the "taj Mahal" some just need to get the state capital.
The next man I seriously date has to bring so much to the table all I need to do is pull up a chair and feast! I'm not at all a gold-digger, but if I gotta donate to his fund...I am done. I'm on my Tierra Marie shit. I'm trying to find myself a sponsor.....
Don't be fooled by this ramble sex isn't the ruler of my existence. Love is. I'm just a tad bit (understatement) disillusioned by the relationships I've been in. Some things will never change. I'm a princess. I still want a prince. A real one. 
One thing I have never been able to do. Make myself stop loving someone....hmmm??? Is it really even possible?? If any of you have tried and succeeded. Teach me. Please?
Why are so many men ok with being rebounds. It makes me wonder.....do you really want my exes bitter ass leftovers? 
Ummm I learned the hard way...it really is the motion of the ocean. Cuz everyone that fills a gold wrapped condom isn't beating down walls...smh I would explain, but I don't wanna pull up that sad memory.And even worse incriminate myself. 
I digress I am no longer against cheating... a woman's reason is never the same as a man's. I know. I shocked myself when I came to this conclusion. It's still not right, but *kanye shrug*
I can't stand a liar..I guess it's the truth. Men lie. Women lie. Numbers don't. 
Sometimes I want to be a hoe just to see why niggas like doing it so much, but then I realize I have a full time job. It takes too much effort to remember which men I'm turning down. Who the hell has time to accept them all and date them all. Hell I do got to sleep!
I'm waiting. The man upstairs is going to give me a man that is everything I wanted, and some of the things I didn't know I wanted and I'm going to love him long time. And dammit he will feel the same way about this chocolate girl. The love will be amazing. The Sex will be amazing. And the relationship will....be amazing. With a trifecta like that we will be unstoppable. Until then.....I just have to be unstoppable....by my damn self.