Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The age factor

The last time I checked women go into menopause generally around the mid forties to mid fifties stage. Until then their ovaries and other baby making organs are hard at work...doing whatever it is they generally do. I say all that to say I am NOT in any form of menopausal or pre-menopausal stage. So why when people figure out that I'm a twenty-eight year old black woman whose not married, intelligent, not crazy, and NOT A MOTHER I get that "really that's odd" face. Like I said I have one eye, two noses and three ass cheeks.  WTF is that about? Why does society expect me to be a single mother? What happened to being wives, and then mothers. Or even just having a child that's planned rather than being unpleasantly surprised? So let's discuss the age factor. What it's like to be an almost thirty childless woman in a world of under drinking age baby mamas. 

  First things first I am not disrespecting my single mothers. You work magic everyday and deserve all the accolades that are due. I just find it odd that I'm expected to be one. The looks, stares, glares, and eventually smiles I get when I say I have no kids. The funny things is the majority of the off looks come from women. Like once I admit to being childless I am no longer apart of the sisterhood. I get this face of shock as if I just revealed on Maury that I'm a man. It seems to abruptly change the tone of the conversation and sometimes downright ends it. Especially with girls younger than me. I believe that sometimes they look to me for this motherly know it all advice, but then second guess me as naive, or young or not as experienced in life. The fact of the matter is if you're looking to talk to me about childcare, potty training techniques, your child's behavior at school, or breast feeding I may or may not be of help. You want to talk to me about a good crease brush, a mixed drink recipe, the pros and cons of OPI vs. China Glaze, who in the city does a great full set and design, money management, or wine decisions I am your girl. It's not that I'm immature. I am actually very mature, but maturity level hasn't reached parent stage yet. And you know what???? It doesn't have to. I'm still allowed to be selfish, because I have no responsibilities. The fact of the matter is I have had many, many life experiences. Child birth and motherhood is just a few that I haven't had. It doesn't make me inexperienced when it comes to life. I'm waiting for that experience I know it will trump all others. 

  I had to first decide whether I even wanted to be a parent. After years of debating I decided that I wanted to. Then I have to find a suitable father. And then we have to have sex. See??? I know how it works I'm just pacing myself. LOL For me it makes sense to enjoy my twenties. I enjoy quality time to myself. Quiet. Peace. Doing what I want to when I want to. Being selfish. Then.....I will venture out into making a family. That I plan with someone I love. Or a sperm bank. LOL Who the hell knows, but the people around me aren't going to force the issue for my life. Not even my mother who whines constantly about wanting grandbabies. No one has more say about my goodies than me. I know the clock is ticking, but I'm no where near out of time.


  1. haha I just had this conversation with a friend today. She said I was still young and not to rush into having babies. Well, I haven't rushed thus far and I'm seriously the only child in my family who doesn't have kids. Count 4 brothers and 3 sisters and I'm daddy's lil girl. No Kids. I want that to change eventually. What I hate most is people who are miserable telling me that my entire life is going to change once I have children. DUH, I do believe that. They always say, "enjoy your life without kids." and that irks me more than the side eye I get when I tell people I don't have children at the age of 28. I mean, not everyone that has children is miserable. Life changes, yes, but you adjust and go on. Some people LIKE having kids, they are a blessing. I'm ready for a family, not a baby daddy. I'm ready to establish my own traditions and family things...but that will come later down the line. ;o) No worries, our eggs are still good well into our later 30s!! haha

  2. oh you are def right. the right time is when you feel it is. if i could turn back time i would had waited before i had my daughter. in no way do i regret her, but i stress to many people i know to just wait. kids are not something to rush...take your time chica. btw...lovin your blog!

  3. you are o.k. the way that you are ,
    you have been made this way !
    you have a nice smile and that makes a woman a woman !!!!!
    ;-) greetings from Germany



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