Random Midnight thoughts....

Real love can't be turned off or on. It exists and shines forever. It may dim sometimes, but never EVER does it die out. Lust flickers off and on like club lights they will be on for awhile, but eventually the party will end. An nothing will be left but, darkness and smoke. 

So what position is your light switch in?

???

T-Pain's new tattoo. Ummm well He does have a point here and it's far better than the ice cream cone on Mr. Psych ward Gucci Mane's face, but no matter how you look at it....smh yall' doing too much.

The deal breaker

Disclaimer: I like to ask questions about relationships. I'm big into being apart of a great, loving, dedicated, faithful, and honest relationship. So I ask a lot of questions. Of almost everyone around me. Even at the age of twenty nine it amazes me on how much opinions differ. One thing remains to be true. We all have needs. Needs that if aren't met will send us looking for "the one" who can meet them. So just recently I asked my friends of facebook, "What is considered a deal breaker in relationships for you?" Me personally. I don't like a man with long hair. Well at least not longer than mine. But what is the one thing (or many) that will make you say, "Oh hell nawww" and pretend to be sick on the first date?


First let's flashback to hmmmm 1997, maybe 1998. I was a very impressionable high school student whose life revolved around my friends, school, my job, and MTV. My favorite show being The Real World. Boston to be precise. There was a black girl named, Kameelah on there that had a list of what her perfect mate would be.
 

It was extremely long. She wanted the best. Made sense to me. So I discussed it during bible study and sunday school with my sisterfriends. As a group we decided to make our own lists. And our Sunday school teacher would keep them until our wedding day. Needless to say....my list is still in her possession. Actually only one of us has received our list. *shrugs*  I however made two copies. As the years go by I review. I noticed the things that mattered to me at 17 didn't matter at 21. Or 25. Or 29. It makes me wonder. Am I just drifting out of my idealistic stage? Or am I just settling?

So back to my facebook responses. Everyone wanted someone with a job. Or at very least an education. And that makes complete sense. I will admit that my longest relationships were with men who didn't have the same hustle and drive in the job keeping department that I had. It made for issues. Serious issues.  Next was smokers. I have dated my fair share of smokers. I even momentarily became one. It is something that I don't like, but unfortunately I have learned to accept. My twenty-two year old nephew informed me that too much makeup and a woman equal to his weight or beyond is a turn-off. Some said lack of Common sense. Many women explained how a man not being able to accept their child(ren) was a no-go. I even heard things as simple as basic hygiene. And as complex as religious issues. "He doesn't have to be a church going man just open to a relationship with Jesus".

That's when I started to realize. What are deal breakers really? It's something we use to put a wall up between ourselves and another person. A reason to stop getting to know someone who for all logical reasons seems like a good person. Every person has a "flaw" something that is just a tad bit different about them. Let's just say that the men I dated chose NOT date me because I was a plus size girl. Or not date me because I was darker-skinned. Or not date me because I was a blue-collar girl. They would have all missed out on the ride and adventure that is falling in love with Valecia. I don't say that to toot my own horn, but honestly every man I have dated leaves that relationship a far better man because of my love. And just think me and these gentlemen would have missed out on a profound moment in BOTH of our lives had we stuck to the petty notion of whats's a hell no. I have dated them all. The man who wanted me to cook, clean, stay at home, and push out his babies. The man infatuated with my ass. The ex-con with seven kids. The broke southern gentleman. The jealous white boy. The Extra tall working bum. And The OCD Atheist.

 All of which had a "hell no huge deal breaker" sign on them from the gate. Most girls would have ran. But I didn't I stayed for the sake of the adventure. And perhaps my desire to find the one. And even though I'm not sure if I may have found him or not I do know that being so quick to say no just might leave you alone in life.

No one is going to fit everything on my list. Not even the 2011 revised version. The goal is not to focus on what things they don't fit. But decide how important are the things/characteristics that they do fit. When you think about it. Suddenly a sexy dread doesn't sound so bad.

Butt.......

 Yep.....my butt is.....BIG

??

So apparently your sister "almost" getting raped in the projects, allowing you to be on the news, somehow making you a viral internet video star makes you famous enough to buy ya mama a house, get some high quality indian hair and a louis vuitton bag. This is not hate...just mere...confusion

Congrats Antione Dobson you are on the come up!! You are a star! 

*steps of soapbox and drops mic*

smh Hide ya kids, Hide ya wives....oh...and ya husbands cuz apparently they rapin' errybody out there!

Workouts have just gotten underway and I am doing pretty good. I am busy trying to perfect this mess that is Valecia. There are so many topics I have in my head that I would love to discuss on my blog, but I have a lot on my hands right now. My emotions are all over the place so once I get myself in order I will be back 100% I will be getting to all of them each fairly soon once I start some sort of schedule and regularity to my life. As for right now I just want to post a video. That is a bit different, but means a lot to me. It speaks of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going.....have a great day everyone. 

??

I mean seriously??? Really?? Umm sir are you for certain??

Ahhh eff it *drops mic and walks away*

1.11.11 The Game

Are you guys ready???? Cause I damn sure am....can't wait for tonight. Kettle Corn. Beater and boyshorts and my favorite California football team. Is Melanie and the baby mama gonna have drama? Are things really patched up between Kelly and Tasha? What is gonna go on??

The single girl Chronicles

DISCLAIMER: As of this Friday I am now a single woman. For all logical reasons please don't feel bad for me. These past three years went from bad to worse and being the hopeless romantic I am I believed that love will conquer all. Love does not conquer all. Common sense does. Is it somewhat painful? Yes. But it was necessary. Did I cry? Yes, but I believe that phase is quickly over. Now I'm on to the most important part. Focusing on me. The woman I lost. The woman I hope to gain. I made my fair share of mistakes. The biggest being not walking away at the first sign of chaos, lies, and deceit. I won't go into the sordid details. I will just motivate, uplift, and love what remains. ME. So I introduce my new segment: The single girl chronicles. The journey from my low point as I strive to get as high as I possibly can.


And to celebrate this new found singledom I want to dedicate a song to my ex. A song that is really helping me through this right now. My Chocolate girl Wonder followers probably remember me posting this a few weeks ago, but this live performance of the song is much better. Enjoy!






Tell me why I'm living? some days my work seems so in vain.
I talk to you, you dont here nothing I say
What's up with this game?
Why am I so forgiving?
Why am I always checking for these fools?
If he ain't hearing none of home girls rules
Why do I play?

I'd rather play alone
Oh, I can't play a fool anymore, no
No, I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you go be a zero
Ohhh, I'd rather play alone, Oh, I can't play a fool anymore
Noo, no I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you goin be a zero
I'm playing the goodbye game,

Hit the highway, call you a cab, gimme back my keys
Goodbye to baggage you ain't bagging me,
I'm gonna smile when I wave, goodbye baby
I'm gonna take the low road,
Ain't got no pride I ain't putting up fight
Get out the boxing ring it's T.K.O tonight.
walk that way,

I'd rather play alone, Oh I can't play a fool anymore
No I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you go be a zero Ohh, i'd rather play alone,
Oh, I can't play a fool anymore, No, no I don't need a game anymore
You can play the fool, i'ma play my hero, you go be a zero
I'm playing the goodbye game,

We play the game until we lose it
I'd rather leave you before I do. I'd rather say I left a cheater and be a quitter, I'm still a winner

Ohhh, Ohh sing oh oh oh oh oh Ohh Ohh if it hurt so bad say oh
Oh, Sing one more time with me,
Oh, oh, oh, I just can't say the way I feel right now
Say oh, oh
One more time, oh
i'ma play alone
Oh,I can't play the fool anymore
No, I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you gonna be a zero
I'd rather play alone, I can't play a fool anymore
I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you go be a zero
I'm playing the goodbye game




yes...We play the game until we lose it
I'd rather leave you before I do. I'd rather say I left a cheater and be a quitter, I'm still a winner

Sharing is caring???

DISCLAIMER: A few days ago I had a conversation with one of my facebook/twitter/blog pals about relationships. I love to hear the male opinion. It helps me understand them a tad bit better. After long chats with him I walk away with a little enlightment and just a bit less anger or disappointment in my own love life. This time however I walked away with that hair blown back look they so often use in the Trojan commercials. The things that come out of men's mouths are so confusing and hilarious. He informed me that he is a consistent cheater. He has almost always cheated on his mates. And informed me that if I wanted to do so as well (which I don't) that the person I was cheating with...as well as myself had to follow the cheating rules. Rules?? There are rules to cheating??? Ok I have fuckin heard it all. That led me to another thought. How I am unwilling to knowingly share a man. But deep down inside I believe we all have. So is sharing......really caring??


I live in a fairly small.....uhhh we'll call it a city. It's far bigger than a town, but it is not a metropolis by any means.As a matter of fact U.S. Census Bureau has a calculated at a whopping 199,150 sad ass people.  With all that being said dating picks are very slim here. They fall into these categories: You have slept with them already, you tried to date them and they are "undateable", your family member or friend dated them, they are a hoe, or they are related to you. After you ensure that they aren't one of those five you begin to feel them out. After a few long phone conversations, (you know the great ones where you don't want to get off the phone until the sun comes up) a couple romantic dinners and movie dates you have found yourself in a relationship. An honest relationship. Congrats hun. You now have a boo.


Then the changes kick in. The routines begin to change. He never leaves his phone up anymore. His friends seem really uncomfortable around you like they are watching their words closely. Dates are canceled. Arguments ensue. And then you become.....the female Inspector gadget. With a little investigatory work you start to see things. He doesn't even show a relationship status anymore. The mutual friend you guys have on FB that refers to him as "Boo". You start to watch her statuses closely...wait a fuckin minute....she is claimin yo man....and all hell is about to break lose. Or is it? Well where I'm from not a damn thing happens. You might have a couple heated convos referring to each other as bitches and hoes. You might post a childish status that reads: "Fuck you bitch he tells you what you want to hear, but he comes home to me".It's quite common in my area to have two female friends on your status claiming to be Mrs. Bryan (hypothetical story and name yall). So without actually saying it you have both accepted that he is a shared boo. You would rather share him with "that bitch" than not have him at all. Really hun? You've just put fuel on his already blazing fire. You just told him without saying it "sharing is caring". And that he can keep fuckin off and you.....yes YOU will accept it.

So the question is...when did we begin to lower our standards so damn much? I'm not talking polyamory, or relationships that aren't deemed exclusive or serious. When did we allow Mr. Zero to  think that he was such a hero that he could save every woman within a thirty mile radius and still lay in the sheets with us. Without so much as a question? When did being in a relationship become more than self respect?

Now lets get something straight. Mama aint makin' fun of you or looking down on you. I've been there. Done that. Refuse to be so low that I'm willing to do it again, but I know from experience there is a certain low you are at when you accept less than your best. I've been there. Everyone else was at fault except that person. He was not being held accountable. And until I opened my eyes and held this man accountable for his actions I wouldn't be doing myself justice. 

I was raised with two older brothers. They were fifteen and seventeen when I was born. Therefore I kinda consider myself to be an only child. This has helped me be just a tad bit selfish. A trait that I will never apologize for. The person I choose to make my mate will never have to share me with another man. Therefore I refuse to share him with another woman.  Is sharing caring??? Maybe for someone.You're just not caring for yourself. 

recap of me......

So hey sexies! How has twenty-eleven been treating you all??  I've been working on a few me projects lately and thought it would be nice to let you all in on a few:

* I'm currently fighting with myself HARDCORE about going natural. My natural hair is however a bit difficult to deal with. I am almost five months post relaxer, but I flip flop with my opinions on it so much that there is a huge chance I will relax within the next three weeks. Either way it has put me in a position to pay better attention to my hair....even if I almost never rock it. 


* Next week starts my new workout regimen. Me and a couple of girls I work with decided to band together and be workout buddies. It helps me be far more accountable than I would have been alone. I don't really have a weight goal in mind. I'm aiming to just be healthier, a little more *cough* flexible, and regain some of my fine-ness that was lost behind some of this excess flab. I'm starting with thirty minutes of cardio and thirty minutes of weight training three days a week.


* I'm working on strengthening my relationship with God. It takes time. Of course not on his part. Solely on mine. I have this part time bad girl thing going on. I need to shake it ASAP. SMH.


* Scared as all get out about turning thirty in August. It just reminds me that the list of things I wanted to have accomplished by now have very few things scratched off. *shrugs* I'm working on it. In due time I guess. 


* My new place. Outside of the master bedroom it is fairly empty. I need to get to antiquing, rummaging, and Ikea shopping ASAP. 


* Some of my relationships are growing by leaps and bounds, others are at a stand still, and some are are malnourished and slowly dying. Time for me to get real with myself and determine what's worth keeping. 


* My blogging has been ummmmm  sporadic at best. Working on locking it down a bit. At least two posts a week. Can't make promises about the content though. This is my playground of expression and my thoughts are all over the place. Yep. Straight scattered. 

Hope you will partake of this interesting journey with me. Until then......take care! *MUAH*