Thursday, January 6, 2011

Sharing is caring???

DISCLAIMER: A few days ago I had a conversation with one of my facebook/twitter/blog pals about relationships. I love to hear the male opinion. It helps me understand them a tad bit better. After long chats with him I walk away with a little enlightment and just a bit less anger or disappointment in my own love life. This time however I walked away with that hair blown back look they so often use in the Trojan commercials. The things that come out of men's mouths are so confusing and hilarious. He informed me that he is a consistent cheater. He has almost always cheated on his mates. And informed me that if I wanted to do so as well (which I don't) that the person I was cheating well as myself had to follow the cheating rules. Rules?? There are rules to cheating??? Ok I have fuckin heard it all. That led me to another thought. How I am unwilling to knowingly share a man. But deep down inside I believe we all have. So is sharing......really caring??

I live in a fairly small.....uhhh we'll call it a city. It's far bigger than a town, but it is not a metropolis by any means.As a matter of fact U.S. Census Bureau has a calculated at a whopping 199,150 sad ass people.  With all that being said dating picks are very slim here. They fall into these categories: You have slept with them already, you tried to date them and they are "undateable", your family member or friend dated them, they are a hoe, or they are related to you. After you ensure that they aren't one of those five you begin to feel them out. After a few long phone conversations, (you know the great ones where you don't want to get off the phone until the sun comes up) a couple romantic dinners and movie dates you have found yourself in a relationship. An honest relationship. Congrats hun. You now have a boo.

Then the changes kick in. The routines begin to change. He never leaves his phone up anymore. His friends seem really uncomfortable around you like they are watching their words closely. Dates are canceled. Arguments ensue. And then you become.....the female Inspector gadget. With a little investigatory work you start to see things. He doesn't even show a relationship status anymore. The mutual friend you guys have on FB that refers to him as "Boo". You start to watch her statuses closely...wait a fuckin minute....she is claimin yo man....and all hell is about to break lose. Or is it? Well where I'm from not a damn thing happens. You might have a couple heated convos referring to each other as bitches and hoes. You might post a childish status that reads: "Fuck you bitch he tells you what you want to hear, but he comes home to me".It's quite common in my area to have two female friends on your status claiming to be Mrs. Bryan (hypothetical story and name yall). So without actually saying it you have both accepted that he is a shared boo. You would rather share him with "that bitch" than not have him at all. Really hun? You've just put fuel on his already blazing fire. You just told him without saying it "sharing is caring". And that he can keep fuckin off and you.....yes YOU will accept it.

So the question is...when did we begin to lower our standards so damn much? I'm not talking polyamory, or relationships that aren't deemed exclusive or serious. When did we allow Mr. Zero to  think that he was such a hero that he could save every woman within a thirty mile radius and still lay in the sheets with us. Without so much as a question? When did being in a relationship become more than self respect?

Now lets get something straight. Mama aint makin' fun of you or looking down on you. I've been there. Done that. Refuse to be so low that I'm willing to do it again, but I know from experience there is a certain low you are at when you accept less than your best. I've been there. Everyone else was at fault except that person. He was not being held accountable. And until I opened my eyes and held this man accountable for his actions I wouldn't be doing myself justice. 

I was raised with two older brothers. They were fifteen and seventeen when I was born. Therefore I kinda consider myself to be an only child. This has helped me be just a tad bit selfish. A trait that I will never apologize for. The person I choose to make my mate will never have to share me with another man. Therefore I refuse to share him with another woman.  Is sharing caring??? Maybe for someone.You're just not caring for yourself. 


  1. great post!!! I don't think sharing is caring... It's more like sharing is risking. I never understood why people cheat... there are many reasons but isn't a relationship based on communication, honesty, and trust? Ugh... relationships are difficult to understand PERIOD!

  2. Sharing is NOT caring... Well, not when it comes to this subject.

  3. Walking away feels good and no matter how slim you think the pickings are, you find the one who only wants to be with one woman. Clearing the bones and scraps from your plate makes room for a heaping helping of something delicious.



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