Friday, May 6, 2011

The Demise of the Ride or Die Bitch

We all know her. She will rip a weave out the "other chicks" head about her man, bail him out with her gas bill money, hide the white from the feds for him, try to talk her Nana or Big Momma into putting the house up for his bail, she's there every Sunday morning for jail/prison visits, or she'll give him her tax refund to "pursue his dream" or even worse "to flip". We all know her. She is in it for the long haul. She can be a hood rat, a college educated sister, white or black. Hell she can be you or me. She's the main chick, the "one", the "wifey". The Big Tymers called her "a Hot Girl". I tend to love the Ruff Ryders term for her, "A Ride or Die Bitch". It was a song by The Lox feat. Eve. I remember it being my jam my freshman year of college. That is before I really paid attention. Here's a refresher...........
I look back on it now and all I like is Eve's makeup

ride or die chick613 up77 down
A chick that ain't afraid to be down with her man she'll do anything her man needs her to do.

Anywho. Flashback to Early 2000. At the time I was an eighteen year old college student. Over 600 miles away from home. For the first time in my life I became a hot commodity in my little Mississippi college town. Around me were scores of beautiful, smart young black women. And a very slim amount of attractive, smart, young black men. I believed a woman had to PROVE herself to be a keeper. At that time I saw nothing wrong with the Ride or Die Chick mentality. Not only was it ok. Unfortunately I became one. I wasn't just one for one man in my life, but many.

 I cooked, cleaned, paid all the bills, bought his clothes, bought his weed, picked him up, dropped him off, paid OUR way, and fought bitches that "compromised" my position. Don't get it twisted, I wasn't ho'ing around. I was proving my dedication to a man I thought I loved. Later I see most of these situations weren't even about love. It was more so about my relationship validating me. If I kept him that meant I was worthy. If he left it proved what I believed....that I wasn't good enough. And even though in the back of my mind I felt like an idiot. I felt like the end justified the means. He would eventually be my husband. Needless to say,  I am not nor have I ever been married. So not only did I not get the ending I would have hoped for. I was left with a naked ring finger and a lot of heartache. Did I put two and two together and got four? Yes. But did I stop immediately? No. It wasn't something I could stop cold turkey. It seemed almost ingrained in me.

Mrs. T.I aka Tiny, being comforted by Monica as they leave TIP's last court hearing before heading back for 11 more months of prison time

But it did eat away at me. Giving one hundred per cent of myself became a full-time job. More than I could handle. Especially when I realized in most cases I hadn't received fifty per cent in return. At one point I felt like I was nothing. My sanity was holding on by a thread. In 2005 I felt my ex was slipping from my hands and there was nothing I could do about it. He demanded that I cut my hair. So the day before my grandmother's funeral I cut off all my hair. To pacify and keep a man not worth keeping. To be honest I hated my short hair. It was hot. But not me. The hair cut was an extension of him.. It just happened to be that I was wearing it. Due to the fact that he lived next door to my salon he kept tabs on when I got it done. As weird as this sounds he wasn't very controlling. At the time I did it willingly all in the mindset of keeping him.

Most women don't realize that they take on the ride or die mentality. We can't make these men seem like the bad guys. Yes they can be sometimes, or good guys that make bad choices, or just current bad choices to be with. We as women however make the choice to stay, support, and pacify these men in there behaviors. I slowly began to realize that this wasn't working for me. While doing everything and being the super heroine I realized I wasn't that man's princess. I wasn't being cuddled and showered with gifts. I had nothing to show for my hard work. So I left that relationship. Still not leaving the mentality.

How I killed my ride or die bitch

So in 2008 I started a new relationship. Taking away some of the things I did , but still keeping a lot of qualities. I accepted less than respectful behavior, got loud and grimey with a chick or two. Rather than see it for what it was. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a supportive girlfriend. Nothing. But this there to the end mentality is no longer for me. I have officially rejected it. I am in it until my common sense and heart tells me to stop. No longer can I be Ride or Die for people who have never been ride or die for me. I can only now just love as a heart and woman loves. And give up when it is time to so. Does that end my dedication? Loyalty? supportiveness? No. No. No. It just ends a hard core senseless dedication to it. I am happy to say I am no longer a ride or die chick. For some women this could end in marriage and a happily ever after. Good for them, but for me....I just can't do it. I'm just Valecia. A good woman. Who has a starting point and stopping point with my love. And I know the stopping point aint death. LOL.


  1. I love true. I had to retire my ride or die mentality also..LOL

  2. Not when death means you are the one who is slowly dying. Good post



Related Posts with Thumbnails