The makings of....the footstool

I have a confession. I believe in revenge. Never quite acted on it, but I have spent quite a large portion of my days and nights fantasizing about the havoc I would reek upon those that have wronged me in life. Some people are okay with letting God handle their dirty work. I guess I'm included in that circle, but I do find it emotionally satisfying to see people get what they deserve. Fucked up? Perhaps. Selfish? Quite possibly. But all in all? Human. As complex as my thoughts are they're pretty simple. Revenge is necessary. It restores order. And we do all need order...right? Well to some extent. What I discovered recently is fate, destiny, karma, kismet or whatever clever term you'd like to use it real. Real. And much bigger than any revenge plot you could ever dream.


 Now I will never claim saintdom. I can be messy, emotional, bitchy, and just scandalous at times. I have my faults like the next person, but one thing I am is dedicated to my relationships. Not just romantic, but family, and friendships. If I take time to classify someone as an important piece of my life they are truly important. As sure as rain is wet those people will hold a special place in my heart, and though I'm not perfect I will always attempt to make them feel appreciated and loved. I've been known to drop the ball, but what I would never do is intentionally hurt someone I love. I'm a sensitive little brat. I'm just not built for that emotional chaos. Somehow my concrete exterior gets broken down and somewhere in there shows pillow soft me......and alas I get hurt. Not always, but in life it happens. When it does I'm generally distraught. Like broke up two days before homecoming and we're the king and queen distraught. Childish? Maybe. But my heart takes things seriously. No matter how old I am I always find myself asking God the same question, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why would he/she do this to me after how nice I was to them?"



 The better question would be, "Why not?" What real love and dedication, trust, and appreciation, sacrifice, and commitment can't be questioned, pushed to it's limits, or abused? You can't find out if the people you ride for will truly ride for you if all there is is sunshine. Sometimes the wrong people in your life simply drift out. Other times things need to happen, they need to be exposed. With that generally comes some hurt and pain. One of the biggest kicks in the teeth is watching someone that hurt you move on with their happy existence as if you two never shared laughs, secrets, or time. It becomes disheartening to know that people can rip the very heart and soul out of someone and then go on a picnic the same day without a thought. Everyone's mental mechanics are not the same, but whether or not they feel bad for their actions one way or another those actions will greet them again.

Romans 12:19

King James Version (KJV)

19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

I believe it all comes back. It might take days, weeks, months or even years, but it all most definitely comes back. Womanizing men have raised daughters that fell into the hands of womanizing young men. All those fathers could do was just give their young girls advice and shake their head as they watched the games they once played be recycled on their innocent daughters. That's God coming into play. It took awhile for me to realize the concept of handing it over to God. Maybe one of the hardest things I've ever done. There were times when I just wanted to knock the taste out of his mouth, or rip her eyelashes off..or some far worse ideas that I'll keep to myself for lack of the desire to be judged.

 In due time it all came my direction, better than I could've ever imagined. Not only did the people who hurt me reaped what they sowed, but eventually they had to come back and ask me, the person they treated like nothing for my help. I could've reminded them of all the tears and pain I endured. I could've refreshed their memory of all the times I was mistreated, but i chose another route. I chose to help them. On my terms of course, and that was just enough right there to be the perfect form of God given vengeance. That was enough for me. It was an unspoken kiddie tongue out, a silent I told you so, a mute "see that's what you get", and honestly it spoke so much louder than me saying anything. As I sip my drink and kick my feet up in comfort I'm reminded of exactly how this came about, what it took to get here, and where I'm sitting in this situation now,

Acts 2:34-35

King James Version (KJV)

34 For David is not ascended into the heavens: but he saith himself, The Lord said unto my Lord, Sit thou on my right hand,
35 Until I make thy foes thy footstool.

The art of falling off.......

Anyone that follows me on Facebook is aware of the fuckery in my stats. Some for humors sake, but all in all centered in honesty. On a cold fall day in late October like the cheap psuedo writer I am I walked into Starbucks with my laptop, and enough change for one birthday cake pop, and a venti blond roast. While walking in I noticed a ridiculously huge billboard promoting a performance by Ashanti in a casino up north. My initial response? To jump on my laptop and post about how her upcoming Ho-Chunk Casino performance was the ultimate fall off. Damn.....my girl has officially fell all the fuckin way off. Even shook my head and giggled a little bit. About six weeks later I found myself asking to punch out early so I could find an outfit to see Ms. Ashanti in all her glory. Needless to say I had to eat my fucking words and suppress my childish hater-filled giggles. Even if she had fallen off she convinced a self-proclaimed non-fan such as myself to pay my hard-earned money to see what she had in-store. Hell I really only wanted to hear her sing, "The Way That I Love You". Yep I paid fifty bucks to hear one song LOL. Not bad for a chick who had fallen off. Which made me ask....really what does it mean to fall off? Who makes that decision? Do we really know another's struggle?  

    Well first what does it mean to "fall off"? Falling off is the term used for someone who was at the top of their "game" (dope, entertainment, sports, etc). Top dog. The best. The most popular. And fast forward is a footnote. Now when their name is brought up it usually is followed by, "What happened to them?" I classify plenty as a fall off: Allen Iverson, and 50 cent to name a few, but what they hell do I really know?

   One day while being messy with my ex's new girlfriend we somehow found ourselves in a HER end initiated Facebook inbox argument. I was being asshole me. Antagonizing the hell out of the girl merely because I could. She contacted me asking me about the "relationship" between me and my ex knowing that he was man handling her snatch while he and I were still together. She deserved what pain and lies she received and I found a certain amount of humor and vindication in her hurt and anger, so I replied with responses that only added fuel to the fire. I was winning messy bitch points at their finest until she responded with a message that read: Who the fuck are you...you ain't got shyt. You're just a waitress. In hindsight I could've  told her that I have never made less than $35,000 a year as a waitress, that I have never had a bill late unless it's because I'm just irresponsible and it's pretty easy for me to make 175 in tips, not work a full eight hour shift and still find time for her "boo" to face dive on my clitoris. Instead I moved onto other insults.

   Days later...that convo still bothered me a bit. Not because of the sheer messiness of it all, but because I felt as if I had fallen off. Had I? Nope. I'm still doing what I want to do, how I want to do it, and taking care of home with it. But it bothered me that a woman who didn't know anything about me outside of what my lying ex had told her and what she learned while lurking on my social media sites had made a twisted assumption about me. Suddenly it became bigger than her. Who else felt like I was nothing because of my job? Shiddd I make good money!!! I wanted to somehow prove that...till reality hit. What was making me feel a need to show someone who meant nothing to me the balance in my checking account? Did it really matter what anyone thought? If I had fallen off in no way would she be of assistance to pick me up. I had to reprogram my mind. She had no real understanding of me or my life. An outsider looking in and seeing very little of the picture. No different than the judging I was doing of others. Which probably meant I too had no fucking clue what I was talking bout.

  On a freezing cold December 7th night I ran all over the city completing the ultimate concert outfit, and creating the perfect face of makeup. I got ready for the concert while listening to my best of Ashanti mix. My cousin and I got in the car and drove a painstaking, scenery lacking two and a half hours and bounced up and down with teenage excitement the entire time. When she hit that stage I jumped up and screamed like everyone else. I closed my eyes and drifted back to past hurt when she sang, "Rain On Me", damn near cried when she belted out, "The Way That I love you". And somehow magically knew her new unreleased tracks. When the lights went up and everyone left the theater I was reluctant to go. Not bad for what I classified as a fall off. As I did the math...she managed to pack that theater making no less than $20,000 that night. My $175.00 a day doesn't compare, but just like myself she damn sure hasn't fell off. If that's what it means. I can take that. Hell sign me up for one right now. Or I can erase it from my vocabulary altogether.

This nigga right here.....smh

While trying to knock out two miles of running this morning I cringed while listening to my favorite donkey of the day, Kanye West get ripped a new asshole by my fave chocolate dj, Charlamagne da God. Kanye's rambles sounded like that of a minister trying to lead the masses. Not any minister, more like a Jim Jones type of minister. This kool-aid I will not be drinking. 

 


Upon showering, dressing and heading to work I heard his interview with Sway which he basically said the same well rehearsed bullshyt the only difference is he decided to turn up on Sway in a way he didn't have the guts to do with Charlemagne......

leading me to believe...........

THIS NIGGA IS BAT ASS CRAZY

...and the truth shall set you free

I consider myself  a conscious woman. Not one of sainthood, perfection or deity, but a conscious woman. I understand life, reason and the yin and yang of life. More so relationships. I've done some dumb shit. Most in the name of love, and even in it's sheer stupidity I stand by everything I've ever did with not an inkling of regret. I've learned over the years that somethings about life and love lack rationale. That somethings are just done based upon what your heart feels is best. When it comes to everyday business and money I move strictly off rationale and what makes the most sense. When love is involved I let my heart do all the work.... and it normally doesn't make any sense, but dammit...it feels...so right.


I'm full of questions. The person I'm dating has to learn to live with this line all the damn time, "Can I ask you a question?" Whatever the answer may be it still will be followed by another question. Why? Because I'm an open book and the man I potentially give my goodies and heart to needs to be the same. I wanna know everything about you from where did you get that scar on your arm to where your nickname came from to do you prefer Family Guy or American Dad. Why? Well the real question is why not?

As women we become so enthralled in the man in front of us, the sexiness he exudes, the love he professes, his touch, feel and general manly awesomeness that rarely we ever get to know this "Adonis" before he lays down in our beds. Some of us have wrapped our lips willingly around a penis or spread our legs eagle for a man whose middle or last name was completely unknown to us. Simply because it felt something like love. We've yelled from the hilltops he was our man yet was never invited into his home. Or didn't know the full story. Why? Because of desperation. We've all been there. He's so great that you just gotta jump on it, things are moving fast and you just go with the flow even though shit just doesn't make sense. Now fast forward you've fell in love with someone that's not quite up to par. Or you realized that he was a cheater, or liar, or couldn't keep a job, or even worse all three. Then who is really to blame?? Only ourselves for not finding out the truth.

Truth is generally easy to find. It's never hidden very well. It's always right in front of you and when you realize that it was it has less to do with it not being visible and more to do with you choosing to have selective vision. True you won't get all the answers right away. Hell they might even lie to get you. But any smart woman has intuition. In retrospect there's absolutely nothing about my ex's behavior that shocked me. Why? When a man tells you he's cheated numerous times before you can't be naive enough to assume you're lucky number slevin, or that you are so much more awesome than these past women that you won't meet the same fate. I pulled out every sexual trick I had and though he was satisfied wandering penis remains just that.

  My current beau has passed many a test with me he has maintained a sense of transparency with me that sometimes I can't match or rival. We each lay ourselves out on the table and allow the other to determine if our idiosyncrasies, faults, and secrets are enough to run each other away. And that is what has kept me there these past few months when I knew I was scared of jumping into something too fast. When someone gives you the honesty you've so desperately craved......it's something amazing. New. Refreshing. A slow dive into someone's real world and knowing that what's in front of you is truly the real them. Does that make him a keeper? *shrugs* who knows. I will climb that mountain when I get there.

So ask the questions that are rattling your mind. Fear of being nosy is much easier to deal with than the pain of being deceived or hurt. Everyone deserves the truth....and it shall set you free.

Losing.....to Win?

Nothing lasts forever. You can't make someone love you. And being a good person is just not what everyone is doing.

 I have used Chocolate Girl Wonder many times to sing the praises of my relationship and cry the tears of the frustrating moments in it. Now that thus said relationship has been over for a little over six months I will use this entry to express what I've learned from my five year union, and most importantly what I have learned in these six months without (what I thought) was the love of my life.

 I'm a fairytale girl. I believe in forever. The flowers, the courting, the proclamation  of undying love, the down on one knee with the family watching, the stand by your man kinda girl. Forever in my head....meant forever. Even when the person didn't deserve forever. Didn't even deserve a now. So like all naive, good, overachieving women I chose not to give up. Unfortunately after accepting years of lying, cheating, and mistreatment the tables turned....and surprisingly....HE chose to give up. Talk about a broken heart!!!!! What a knife stab!!! Walked right out of my arms and into someone elses'. And this is what we call turning the rusty knife. That day, April 13th, 2013 I walked into my apartment after a crappy day of work to find the house rearranged and his things missing. As if the past 5 years were just a figment of my over productive imagination. His closet empty.....void of his possessions...leaving nothing but a keychain, the iron, and....the kick in the heart....a picture of me.

I could type for hours and never truly describe the emptiness I felt that day. I felt hollow as if the wind had been punched out of me and somehow I'd been stripped of my very soul. I was alone, single, and even though we'd ended it thousands of times, my conscious told me it was over...forever. Did I call, text, email and honestly damn near beg him back? Yep. My pride doesn't have a problem admitting that, because love will make you sit pride down, like a purse so you can simply fight it out for what you want. All that contact was pointless we were no longer an item and it was way past time I picked up the pieces of me. I felt a void in my soul. My apartment was so quiet I could hear my neighbors cell phone vibrate. The silence was disheartening. Truly the worst days of my life.

The realization in that was.... I got so caught up in an us that I forgot about me. I forgot what Valecia liked, loved, needed, and wanted. I forgot what I deserved. Was I the perfect girlfriend? Nope. But I did love without condition, wholeheartedly with every drop of me that was able to love. Truth being it wasn't enough for him...or better maybe it was too much. And maybe just maybe that love I was dishing out on him so recklessly....was practice for when the right man will cherish it. Does he still have a piece of my heart? Of course. I wish I had the super powers to turn my love off. It would be much easier on my heart, train of thought and ego if I could, but unfortunately for me I'm not built that way. He hasn't fully left my life of course. Like magnets we find ourselves pulled together in the most destructive ways, coming together like a molotov cocktail. Simply to remind ourselves what we loved about each other....and what we hated.

Everyday I'm reminded by Fantasia's lyrics, "sometimes you gotta lose, to win again"

Single In The City: What Are The Rules To Casual Sex?

Single In The City: How can you NOT be bitter?

WTF??

Okay I'm a bad blogger. I haven't blessed you with my presence in a VERY long time. A lot has happened since I last let acrylics hit keyboard. I took a new position in a new city, moved to thus said city, position ended up being pure horse shyt, and now I'm in thus said city doing a new job which is my old job in the new city. Follow that? LOL Anywho because I'm no longer on a dumb schedule and I'm spend more cyber world time I will be blogging much more often. So in in normal random chocolate girl wonder behavior I'll post a song I'm feeling right now...enjoy.

Delta Rae-Bottom of The River

BROTHAS....learn how to use your words.....

a former co-worker introduced me to this song. I listened to it a total of 5 times until I realized he basically just told a girl, "Your juicebox is the shyt". LOL Kinda like "Afternoon Delight" is really "Let's bang in the daytime" LOL. Seems like some men are better at lowkey refrences.

What's wrong with being the fat girl???

Disclaimer: Today I have eaten about 1500 calories....not enough do to me sleeping in earlier. I have however taken in a HUGE amount of fruits and veggies. I knocked out 45 minutes on the elliptical and 15 on the treadmill. I faithfully log my eating and exercise victories and mishaps with my Myfitnesspal app daily. Why? Because it's time to get healthy. I need to drop poundage because the weight I stand at at my stature is just not good. Not to mention now that I'm in my dirty thirties that whole time waits for no man statement means a hell of a lot more. I maybe doing it to tighten up some areas as well but my goals are pretty low. I've always been a heavy girl. From childhood on up. I can't even fathom myself wearing a pair of jeans under a size fourteen. And I'm cool with that. I say all that to say this. Dropping your BMI, weight, and blood pressure can be very important to your health and livelihood. But when its not really connected to that....what's wrong with being the fat girl?

Maybe you watch MTV (I really don't because I'm just over that shit) and got a chance to catch the show Chelsea Settles.

 It was about a plus size girl who was looking to make it big in the fashion world, deal with an unsupportive boyfriend and lose weight in the process. It revolved around the already beautiful young ladies struggles with her career, relationship and weight. I admit her weight was unhealthy as she did weigh in at 324 pounds and much like myself she has an admitted food addiction.

Honestly I gave this show the side eye. Not because I'm pro-obesity, but much like MTV's Fat Camp show both seemed more about the hip, vibrant, youthful MTV generation image rather than about healthy living. If the weight loss is about being hot well then I'm hot in a spanx, leggings, heels, and form fitting top. I gave this show a whole episode and magically forgot about it. Until I saw these pics earlier this week.

and

All I could say was wholly fucking Hotcakes with butter and Karo syrup!!!! Is that even the same effin dame??? The beautiful Chelsea now looked like a super fashionable Natalie Nunn!!! I mean that in a good and bad way. Her weight loss is phenomenal and I am oh so proud of her, but boy is that drastic. Like Jennifer Hudson, Raven Symone, America Ferrera, and so many others. It kinda made me feel some kinda way. Like it was wrong to be me. And that my friend is a lie. What's wrong with being the plus size girl.

I don't ever want to get rid of my thick shapely hips and thighs. My ass is popular all on it's own. My curves are what I adore. I have my problem areas and issues, but I am content right in the plus size section. I'm ok with double digits stitched in my clothing tags and a butt you can sit a drink on. It's never made me any less dateable (well to the ones I would deem date worthy), or smart or talented. As I drink my 10th 20 ounce bottle of water I must admit I am on a quest for a healthier lifestyle, but the plus size vixen I am is the one I will always be....just weighing in at a lower number. So what really is wrong with being the fat girl? We if my life doesn't depend on it.....absolutely nothing.

.....hotness

I'm starting to love Melanie Fiona not to mention this song is pretty life appropriate....

I shouldn't admit this but.......

Right now I am all kindsa digging me some Diggy Simmons. Something about this song makes me feel all warm and gooshy.....all high school crushy and ish..LOLand I love the fact that the love interest was a chocolate girl..... <3 Diggy

....and I know this much is true

I can say many things about 2011. How great it was. How horrible it was.How much I lost. How much I gained. What I sought to learn, but most importantly what I really took from it. I can take this moment to go into a drastic tunnel of retrospect, but I won't. I won't. I won't dwell with what it was but I can deal with what 2012 it can be.

So as we may (or may not know) I'm 30 now. That's that age where you're old enough to not fuck up anymore, but young enough to still party like a 18 year old as long as you keep your body full of b12. Young enough to still fall head over heels in love, but old enough to look before you allow yourself to fall. When work becomes necessity. And family (or lack thereof) becomes priority. That age where tears take a backseat to creating solutions. The stage where irrational, illogical emotional decisions and thinking will destroy you. Well the age that brings along all those things........that is now where I reside. I want to look back at my twenties and think of all the mistakes that put me in a rut at thirty, but once again I can't do that. All I know is that I have to make this next ten years as amazing as possible. Let all the things that were negative fade into the background of memories. Let all the tears dry on my proverbial pillow and create the best possible life for myself that I can. No heartache excuses, No job excuses. No allowing myself to be my biggest setback. This much I know is true. It's time to take control. The best way I can. The only way I know how. Yes...and I know that this much is true.

R.I.P Heavy D

I was raised on hip hop.....real hip hop. And the overweight lover, Heavy D was part of that genre. Heavy D, (better known as Dwight Arrington Meyers) died in his home yesterday of what is still to be considered unknown causes. As of yet its been reported that no foul play has been suspected. Just another unfortunate great loss in the hip-hop community. My adolescence was filled with Heavy D songs.....and this one in particular video was part of the first homemade mixtape I popped into the cassette player of my stepdad's car at the age of 16. Still the jam. Rest In Peace Heavy......the overweight lover will never be forgotten. 

#random

30 or not crushes are the shyt.....LOL and for that reason....my little girl giddiness has me going back to my old middle school crush songs...

What the lick read?? The birthday girls' life

Somewhere someone is saying, "Where the fuck is Chocolate Girl Wonder"? Well....maybe. I'm not quite. Maybe you could probably not give a rat's ass, but let me let you know what's going on in my hum-drum life.

• I lost my job. No I didn't get fired. After 6 years of faithful serving, managing, training and exuding divaness throughout my employment my job unexpectedly closed with a 24-hour notice. Two weeks ago to be precise. Yep so I'm searching for work. It blows.

• I've been freaking out about the above. I am the most experienced person in the store, but I have yet to find a job. Grrr....girls I trained are already back up and running. *sad face*

•  And.....today is my 30th birthday. *fake cheer* yeahhhh

R.I.P Amy....

She gave people a lot to talk about. A lot. That style. That hair. That life. Most importantly to me was.......that voice.

R.I.P Amy

Put a ring on it????

I've been watching these things around me. Listening to the conversations taking place and just taking in my surroundings. One strange conversation that continues to pop up lately is marriage. As the "dirty 30" soon approaches I look at my list of relationships, romances and the like. I must admit I am a bit disheartened at the idea of being a non-married woman at this stage, but I know I have my reason for being one. It's not that I'm not pretty enough, or smart enough. I'm not ratchet. I don't have a house full of kids. I make my own, I'm honest, faithful, and loyal (almost to a fault) and I am a good woman. I love my man (if I'm with a man at the time), I'm supportive, and I expect the same things that I give. Yet and still my wedding finger remains empty. I have my own beliefs as to why I'm not married, but I got into a convo with a few ladies who are in my boat. There reasons are a tad bit different. Some responses were as petty as: I'm single because I have kids, or because I'm fat. Everyone else believed that they just haven't came across the right one. So the questions still remains.....

What's the road block for you???

I know me. I know what I want. I know what I'm looking for and most importantly what I deserve. I have a realistic view of what relationships are. The happily ever after view I had as a teenager and a young woman has been thrown out with my tennis skirt, my Hi-five, cassette, and sock bun. I used to believe that all it took to make a relationship work was love. Love was the answer to everything. The shyt is far more complicated than that. Men by nature are always looking for better. Even when they don't deserve it. Even when the woman in front of them that is willing to give her hand should be the one looking for better. Women spend that same time trying to make a man whose obviously not on the same page into a husband. Trying to pull a man that's running the other direction into a divine sacred ring of holy matrimony. So in the meantime we as women play the waiting game. Trying to figure out what's wrong with us...why we aren't the marrying kind. By the time we give up or have that magical a-ha moment we have wasted a good portion of our lives. More than likely living in a state that does not consider us a common law married couple. And that leaves us......where exactly.??

Women take this super personal. Men see marriage quite differently than we do. Some see it as damn near the end of their lives. Some see it as the biggest decision they could ever possibly make (which they do have a point). So they take it very seriously. Some just can't think of possibly giving up a world of women so that they could cuddle with the same one...even after she gets crow's feet and her breasts hang to her knees. Some are forever unready and unsure...even down to the seconds before their parched, shaky mouths open and say, "I do". Marriage is the one topic that men tread on very lightly while women jump into head first. Look at it this way. A man can be with the same woman for twenty plus years and after babies and  after the changing of office of four presidents still never give that woman his last name.

Case example: Rocker Gene Simmons', his girlfriend of 26 yrs. Shannon Tweed and their two adult children

A woman can marry a lifetime sentence carrying prison pen pal whom she doesn't even get to kiss at their prison house wedding. She will be just as content to carry #214529"s last name as if he was the king of France. Even when there is no hope in it.

Desperate times call for desperate measures when you're a woman with a wedding dream and a biological clock that's ticking.You start to get ahead of yourself and think..."OMG I might never have a husband and family wtf am I gonna do?" You rationalize the situation and feel as if you have to "make it happen". If you're like my friend Chrissy Lampkin here you will run to the hottest jeweler with a large chunk of your savings and get your boo a rock that is to die for. Invite all your friends and fam to the spot, drop to one knee, and with tears in your eyes ask him to make your five year plus union New York state official. And in return being that very official brother he is he will look you in the eye and say something like..."I'm withchu". Excuse my french but, what the fuck was that shyt? Once I step out on the proverbial love limb and offer my all in the form of a high carated piece of finger jewelry and an offer to be with you forever I need a much more solid response. Especially when my family and friends are watching. That's a new form of embarrassment. One I pray I will never have to endure.

Sometimes my desire to have kids gets the best of me and I feel it's time to pull a Chrissy, but I realize that I am not married for many reasons. The right ones. If I married today I nor my mate would be in the best financial position. We wouldn't be at our strongest place in our relationship, or honestly the timing would probably just be wrong. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in the title of it all that we don't appreciate the relationship we have in front of us. Marriage is a beautiful thing if you have it with the right person, but if you don't......smh that can be hell. So I suggest ladies we not worry so much about why we aren't and enjoy the status we have. Acknowledge when you're ready, and be real with yourself when you know that you're not. In the meantime.....yes it takes a lot more than love to make a relationship work....but put your heart into making each other happy. Loving each other and appreciating your here and now is a lot less chaotic than trying to reach out to a finish line that is miles away. Divorce rates are so ridiculousy high now because people don't think about the future. People are so wrapped up in the here and now and the great feeling of love at that moment that they don't acknowledge that there will be a day when bills pile up, he/she will be getting on your last nerves, and he/she will be thirty pounds heavier. That's when you have to forget about all that extra and remember that person is still the same person you loved  that special day long ago.

I refuse to take the change of my last name lightly. So I guess in my case he has to do a whole lot damn more than like it to put a ring on it.........he has to be committed to this Chocolate Girl Wonder forever. Forever-ever. Forever-ever.

I'm sorry......kinda

I am so sorry for the post delay guys. I can give you a hodge podge of excuses, but the fact of the matter is.....it's the summer. Who in the hell has time to sit in front of the computer all day?? LOL Not I said the cat. Well honestly I'm back working 6 days a week, enjoying this great Wisconsin weather, and relishing in my last final weeks as a twenty-something. I must say I am pretty excited to hit the dirty 30. In the meantime here's a pictorial. LOL

I'm having way too much fun partying with these skinny mini youngsters I work with. But they are wearing my old ass out. They seem to have partying energy that goes on for effin ever. *sighs* ahhhhh to be twenty one again.  Nonetheless a lot of BS and tomfoolery has been going on around me so trust that I have new topics to bitch and moan about as well as to explore. 

Lupe Fiasco - Words I Never Said ft. Skylar Grey [Music Video]

"First they came for the communists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me

and there was no one left to speak out for me."

- Martin Niemöller

Words I never said