...and the truth shall set you free

I consider myself  a conscious woman. Not one of sainthood, perfection or deity, but a conscious woman. I understand life, reason and the yin and yang of life. More so relationships. I've done some dumb shit. Most in the name of love, and even in it's sheer stupidity I stand by everything I've ever did with not an inkling of regret. I've learned over the years that somethings about life and love lack rationale. That somethings are just done based upon what your heart feels is best. When it comes to everyday business and money I move strictly off rationale and what makes the most sense. When love is involved I let my heart do all the work.... and it normally doesn't make any sense, but dammit...it feels...so right.


I'm full of questions. The person I'm dating has to learn to live with this line all the damn time, "Can I ask you a question?" Whatever the answer may be it still will be followed by another question. Why? Because I'm an open book and the man I potentially give my goodies and heart to needs to be the same. I wanna know everything about you from where did you get that scar on your arm to where your nickname came from to do you prefer Family Guy or American Dad. Why? Well the real question is why not?

As women we become so enthralled in the man in front of us, the sexiness he exudes, the love he professes, his touch, feel and general manly awesomeness that rarely we ever get to know this "Adonis" before he lays down in our beds. Some of us have wrapped our lips willingly around a penis or spread our legs eagle for a man whose middle or last name was completely unknown to us. Simply because it felt something like love. We've yelled from the hilltops he was our man yet was never invited into his home. Or didn't know the full story. Why? Because of desperation. We've all been there. He's so great that you just gotta jump on it, things are moving fast and you just go with the flow even though shit just doesn't make sense. Now fast forward you've fell in love with someone that's not quite up to par. Or you realized that he was a cheater, or liar, or couldn't keep a job, or even worse all three. Then who is really to blame?? Only ourselves for not finding out the truth.

Truth is generally easy to find. It's never hidden very well. It's always right in front of you and when you realize that it was it has less to do with it not being visible and more to do with you choosing to have selective vision. True you won't get all the answers right away. Hell they might even lie to get you. But any smart woman has intuition. In retrospect there's absolutely nothing about my ex's behavior that shocked me. Why? When a man tells you he's cheated numerous times before you can't be naive enough to assume you're lucky number slevin, or that you are so much more awesome than these past women that you won't meet the same fate. I pulled out every sexual trick I had and though he was satisfied wandering penis remains just that.

  My current beau has passed many a test with me he has maintained a sense of transparency with me that sometimes I can't match or rival. We each lay ourselves out on the table and allow the other to determine if our idiosyncrasies, faults, and secrets are enough to run each other away. And that is what has kept me there these past few months when I knew I was scared of jumping into something too fast. When someone gives you the honesty you've so desperately craved......it's something amazing. New. Refreshing. A slow dive into someone's real world and knowing that what's in front of you is truly the real them. Does that make him a keeper? *shrugs* who knows. I will climb that mountain when I get there.

So ask the questions that are rattling your mind. Fear of being nosy is much easier to deal with than the pain of being deceived or hurt. Everyone deserves the truth....and it shall set you free.

Gold digging 101

You've heard the term tons of times. Hell Kanye made a song about it. Gold digging is synonymous with prostitution (kinda) they go hand in hand. On several occasions I have had exes date questionable women. When I say questionable I mean when I think of what the hell he could see in her I'm stuck with this face.

 You know the type. Sloppy. Unattractive. Dumb. Uncouth (yes a bitch said uncouth), basically just a run of the mill (insert Lil' Duval line here) basic bitch. I can't speak for any other woman, but that shit bothers me. To no end. To the point where I have to be me and pick up the BB, facebook, hop on twitter or whatever way hell pigeon if need be and contact this lousy ex. The convo generally goes like this:

ME: hey I'm sure you don't wanna talk to me and I really don't wanna talk to you, but I gotta quick question

EX: Nahhh it ain't like that what's up ma?

ME: Since there is no better way to put it...what the phuck do you see in this bitch???
EX: What bitch??

ME: You know what bitch ya girlfriend the ugly, dumb one. It must be good sex or good convo or something!

EX: *laughs* Nah it ain't none of that. Honestly She buy me whatever I want.

ME: *after a 5-10 second pause* Well damn I can't compete with that. I was just wondering bye.

There is a skill to everything.  Golddigging included. Most women have it all down pat. I have been blessed with gifts by many male "courters" as my grandma would say. But I have never asked for anything, nor did I ever come to the table expecting anything, or did I have to "pay" for the things given to me. It's the male gold diggers that are fucking the game up. "Falling in Love" with these hoes the week before they get their W-2's and falling out of love with them right as them steak dinners transform back to hamburger helper dinners again. When the H & R Block card runs outta steam so will Lil' mama's love life. Men tend to get hearts and emotions all involved. When emotions get involved people get hurt. Emotionally. If it's me....hell maybe even physically. I bust heads about my feelings. Shid. In this being Gold digging season (tax time). A refresher course seems fitting. Take a pen and paper and let me show you how it's done.  

Rule #1 Have an understanding. 

I am a chronic dater. I date when I'm single and I date when I'm in a relationship. As in date others. I don't like to be stuck in the house all lonely so if some guy wants to ask me out to dinner and some drinks and my boyfriend is being an ass will I turn him down? No. Will he think he has something coming in return? Quite possibly. Will I set the record straight? Ya damn skippy. And I will still have a great date. Why cause I let them know what the situation is. They respect it. Not only do they respect it. I have never had a man ever get mad and refuse to pay or catch an attitude and bounce. Why? I make it clear from the gate that I don't need or want a damn thing. So them not footing the bill won't make or break me. Hell so you took me to Dave and Buster's? What the phuck do you expect? I create a balance of honesty. Either you want me for my great company and infectious personality or ya don't. Point Blank Period.

Rule #2 Don't ask for shit!!!!!

A dumb broad will tell you a closed mouth won't get fed. That's some bullshit if I have ever in the history of life heard some bullshit. Go ahead and ask for something. Whatever your heart desires. But be prepared to pay back in some kinda way. So don't be shocked when he or she pushes your head down and tells you to get to work. And don't jerk back up looking all shocked and overly pious. Just open your mouth and get to work. Ya did it before now it's time to do it again. Bet next time you won't ask for shit. If you're okay with that then....you're just a hooker. Besides I don't want anyone asking me for shit all the time. Why would this person? That's the quickest way to make a person stop fucking with you. Don't believe me? Start begging. Folks will bounce before you fill in the blank on, "Can I have ________?"

Rule #3 Be gracious and thankful about what you do get

Last year on Valentine's day a gentleman I casually dated out of boredom ran into me at the mall. Right as I was about to pull out some hard earned dollars to buy myself some pink Air Force Ones he struck up a conversation with me. While chatting about my lack of Valentine's excitement he snuck and paid for my shoes. Awwwww utter sweetness. Did I tell the world? No. (Well now I did) I just called him. Thanked him and moved on. And I never brought it up again. Even after more dates.Why? Because continuously talking about it makes it look like you ain't never had shit. Somebody who ain't never had shit is bound to beg for more shit. Feel me???

Rule #4 Don't expect a damn thing

I am a princess.....in my on mind. I deserve the world. As a child my father cemented that thought process in me. He was also smart enough to tell me that I would have to go out in the world and get that shit for myself. Men love a hard-working woman. They will give her their last. No doubt. After two weeks of working fifty five hours I was tired as all hell. A guy friend took me out for my favorite meal, the movies, and out to my favorite martini bar for the night. As I thanked him for an amazing night with a little lip action (kissing you dirty pervs) he said, "You work hard you deserved it". "Had you been one of these lazy begging hoes I wouldn't have bought yo ass a McDouble". Harsh as phuck right? True? Yes indeedy. 

Please keep in mind these rules apply to each specific situation. Class is now 

Dismissed

I am a rock....I am an island

You hear it on the streets, in songs, and it's your favorite rappers favorite line. It is the stuff 99.9% of the content of the songs on 106th and Park are made of. They all love to talk about keeping it real. Their swagger comes in second. People who "keep it real" feel the need to discuss to the world that they do. They wear it loudly and proudly like a badge of honor. They find one thousand different ways to say it, (i.e "I keeps it one hunnid" or my personal favorite term "trill") but yet and still find some difficulty living it. 

Hey it's okay we're all working through something. I just never thought that the one of the many things I was taught to uphold would be looked at as a difficult trait to have. What is the world's issue with honesty? I refuse to crown myself with undeserved saint-dom and say that I have never lied. If my life is at stake...ummm yeah! As a child if a pending ass whooping was on the table??? Of course. In awkward situations where I'm trying to shake off a clingy guy?? Damn right! The one thing I do however refuse to lie about is....the woman I am. My life, My struggles, my "profession", my looks, my loves, my belongings, my morals, my high points, my low points, my triumphs, and my mistakes. 


Too many girls in my city spend their days on facebook letting the world know about their new this or new that (which aint true), arguing over men that half the female population in the city limits underage sixty have had and professing to be the realest bitch this side of the Mississippi. BTW You can't tweet that you're at the Trey Songz concert from your living room (it tells me you're tweeting from a computer lame). 


Many women are comfortable swimming in groups in the treacherous waters of lies, denial, envy, and deceit. I however prefer to sunbathe on the quiet sands of real bitch island. Where there aren't a lot of us, but we prefer quality over quantity. And most importantly where we know "keeping it real" with yourself makes it easy to keep it real with others. 


Where is this "real bitch" island you ask?? Where ever honest, intelligent, upfront, outspoken, opinionated, bold, brash women reside. I can't take any credit for this brilliant ass term. The first time I heard of real bitch island it came from one of my favorite bloggers/tweeters Ms. Brook lynne Carter  She is effin' brilliant, beautiful and no holds barred. By all means check her out. In a land of internet stars who are generally nobody 9 to 5- ers why do you feel a need to lie about who and what you are? Who are you impressing? Some person you will NEVER meet? God forbid you do. Just think how disappointed they will be when fallacy gets demolished by reality. 


How unfortunate to be caught in the sea in a storm you created yourself. When if you simply swam to land you have your very own island.....that is if you're dare I say.....REAL. 

That's Real: The Chris Brown Edition

 This was the best Micheal tribute!!! This tops everything BET did to honor Michael put together times two....in comparison to last years' fiasco. Say what you want to about this child (yes I refer to him as a child), but that performance was heartfelt. Who knows what was going on in his head and heart, but he left it out there on that stage and I loved it, because.....THAT'S REAL.