So I was thinking.....(a random inebriated rant) The "my life" version

So drink in hand I go back to rambling....... I don't know why I like doing this so much, but it's fun.....either I'm annoying the fuck outta you or you're laughing along. Either way this is a high point of my day. And if you don't like it......well you know what the hell to do. 

So we all know that I decided that before I bring myself to nervous breakdown status I'm going away for a while. Not to an insane asylum or a home for women with "broken relationships" (though I'd swear I'd go if they had one). I'm spending exactly six months living in the Windy City with my bestie, Donna. (insert adorable pic of us here)

Yeah.... Chicago for rejuvenation and relaxation you ask??? Yep. ya damn right. Seems a little ass backwards I know, but it's a chance to forget the things that have happened and make some new fabulous things happen. When you're a small town midwest girl like myself. Chicago is kinda like our New York. 

......concrete jungle where dreams are made of......there's nothing you can't do....

I'm currently planning my 29th birthday/going away party while packing and securing a Chi-town gig. It's all alot, but the most difficult part is leaving my mommy. We almost NEVER see eye to eye, but she is my rock. She's not happy to see her baby go, but *sigh* some moments are uber necessary. 

Rocking the natural hair this week. Hmmmm no comment. I need my ends trimmed but weaveless feels strange. My head feels......light LOL.

So it's been MONTHS since I got my eyebrows done...yet and still my nails are done bi weekly...tootsies done monthly smh....don't ask.

Anyone seen the commercial for the new game show Downfall??? WTF is Chris Jericho hosting a game show??? Why???

So I'm looking for a pair of bad ass pink gladiator heels for my party to no avail....Blah...that sucks....

You know what else sucks.....I'm going to miss my job and co-workers something awful....they are my family...I am with them all EVERYDAY

I can NOT stop playing Nicki Minaj's "I get crazy", Kanye West's "Power", and Lyfe Jennings "Statistics" All for different Reasons. Ummm yeahhh hot shyt.

One thing someone told me the other day that was oh so true. "It isn't necessarily what it is....it's what it's perceived to be".

I have no real direction with Chocolate Girl Wonder, but she's mine. My baby. And this blog has helped me through some rough times. Thanks to all who have followed my random antics...LOL

My fear of animals is ridiculous....I mean off the chain. I'll leave it at that Especially rodents and vermin. *shivers and squeals*

My landlord was here today and he laid his tools down right next to my wig. ROTFLMAO Can we say very uncomfortable middle aged Caucasian male??

Those that truly love you will always be there. Always. This Chicago thing is for me to get me together, but I will also be able to see whose still around when I return. Either it will be stronger or it wont be. I will only place 100% folks in my life from here on out. Ninety-nine and a half won't do.

I got a text this morning that read: Real talk i kinda miss you a bit. Don't tell nobody. Smile!
(my response?? Of course you miss me. Why wouldn't you? And you should wanna tell the world) LOL


Ummmm *licks lips* rapeable...yes I said that rapeable....that man is yummy and I stand by this staement  with not an ounce of shame.....Loves me some Trey!

I'm craving a Coke Zero something awful so......that's all....LOL

Confessions of a bitter bitch.....Pt. 1 My Almost Demise

I've been hurt, cheated on, and lied to. Many times. Yet I continued to believe the power of love would prevail over all. I believed the promises of change, the belief that things would get better, the idea that every thing was something that could be fixed.

So I forged ahead in this murky water of a relationship. Until I couldn't even see where I was going anymore. And worse off.....I couldn't even see my hand in front of my own damn face. I was so stuck on forging ahead I couldn't see myself. I lost the most important person...me. And when I lost her..me, my main bitch...all hell broke loose. My ability to be logical and rational flew out the door. I began to blame everyone else for his infidelities...even myself. The other woman became the enemy even though she was just as clueless as I was. I wanted to go to war. I wanted destruction and blood on the pavement. I wanted heads to roll and people to feel as bad , hopeless, useless, destroyed, and torn down as I felt. I wanted someone to feel the emptiness I felt in my heart. That nulling pain that I filled with alcohol all day. I needed someone to feel that lump in my throat that caused me to eat one meal every other day. I needed someone else to lose sleep and cry. I needed someone else...anyone else to pay. To pay for my heartache. I became elusive, distant, cold and callous. I closed my eyes and envisioned my lover meeting his demise at my very own hands. I had planned at very least giving him the ass whooping of a lifetime. Hospitalization included of course. Breathing tubes and all. And while setting up in my head this crazy plan, sitting silently, methodically on my bed. Letting my thoughts brew and fester that would lead me to becoming the next new SNAPPED episode.... I STOPPED.

Only then had I realized what this situation had done to me My bitterness was seconds away from eating me alive. The tears began to fall and I couldn't catch my breath. I felt trapped. In a relationship that would never be right, in a relationship that was killing my very existence and spirit. I picked up the phone and called my best friend. "I'm not strong enough to leave", I cried. "I need help". And together in and hour and a half we devised my getaway plan. A plan that requires me leaving my home, my city, my state. Which all may seem drastic, but the plan also included, the most important elements: Regaining my life. Nurturing my soul. Rediscovering Valecia. Picking up the pieces. And making me whole again. So now I prepare myself for a new home and for the healing to begin. This will not be easy. But my God it is so necessary. Am I still hurt??? yes. Angry?? Damn right!  Bitter? Most definitely. Time to heal..... I'm so ready for the process to begin.  I no longer want to be...bitter.

Things my Mama Taught me: Unheeded Good advice on Loot, Life, and Love Vol. I Pt. 3

Disclaimer: This segment has always been called, Things my Mother Taught me, but this one right here. This life altering advice came from both of my parents. It's the reason why I'm standing tall today. My dad (R.I.P) was as big a part of my life as my mother. Unfourtunately he never lived to see his hard work grow. Miss you daddy.

I work and will work anywhere. Any job is a job as long as it's legal and I can go to bed with my morals still in tact. I don't knock a stripper,  or even a "call girl" for that matter. Work is work and whatever pays your rent is YOUR business. Morals are a personal matter. What is okay for others is too much for the next. All that was said to get to:



Lesson 3: Independence aka "No one will take care of you better than you do yourself"

Let me back track a little and give you a small dose of family history. I am my mother's only child and I'm my dad's youngest and only girl. That combination allowed me to get everything I wanted as a little girl. I do mean EVERYTHING! One day out of the blue he handed me a gift boxed wrist watch and before I could get the box out of his hand he tugged on it a little tighter. He looked me in the eye and said, "I'll always do for you, because I'm your daddy and I love you don't expect another man to take care of you make sure you take care of yourself". At the age of five that was a lot to take in, but I always remembered it.

My dad passed away when I was seven, my mom who always treated me like an adult sat me down and discussed finances with me. I was a pretty hot at math so she had me add up all her paychecks for a month then subtract it away with all the bills. Yep, there wasn't a lot left. However she took what she had and made magic with it. Everyday, week, month, and year. She made magic out of what she had. I never went without clean clothes, good meals or anything else. If that meant her ten year old got a new pair of Levi's and she wore a Hanes sweatsuit she did it.
 
Which leads me to the way I live my life. I have been raised by two very hardworking self-sufficient people. Who showed me how much hard work pays off. I am not a gold-digger and I have never asked for anything from a man in my life.


I watch shows like "The Bad Girls Club" and look at broads like Natalie and wonder is some misguided young girl watching this and thinking that she'll become rich and be on television by laying in bed with an athlete? Why not have the dream to actually BE the athlete? Or Hell the person that owns the station?

I once had a twenty-two year old associate (who was pregnant w/ second child) tell me she only dated ballers. She also worked as a factory worker and occasionally stole toilet paper from her job. Question of the day: Why the hell would a baller want her? If I was rich I would want to associate with other rich people and talk about rich things. My boyfriend and I would go rich places and make love on rich sheets. Not date non-rich people and make them rich by romantic association. I can't discuss bad day of tips with my pediatric surgeon boyfriend! It just seems wrong! Bad combo!

But better yet there's this sense of pleasant entitlement when I pay my electric bill and have ten dollars for the rest of the week. Why? because I did it myself. No one paid that bill, but me. No one helped me, just like Daddy said it would be and that's just fine by me.