Mars and Venus: Is there a good excuse???

It seems lately like a lot of my blogs center around relationships. Or the lack there of. That's not all I am about, but it's the topic that always seems to rear it's ugly head into my life. I just find the relationships between men and women amazing. 


I don't lump myself into categories with other women. I'm special. Not better just cut from a different cloth. I was raised the youngest and only girl. I spent my young days climbing trees with the boys. Rolling to the football games with the guys. Hanging out with my God brothers. Even now when I date men. I find more enjoyment hanging out with my guy and his friends than I do the women they are dating. It's opened my eyes to so many different things. Yet and still the male mind never fails to confuse the hell out of me. 


I have a touch and go friendship with one of my exes. I have brought him up in this blog before. I refer to him as Master Manipulator. MM for short. Anyway this touch and go friendship is that way because he.....well he's him. He always wants another shot...that doesn't exist. It makes things weird. Who the hell wants a weird friendship? So I jet. Last night I called him to say hello. Give a little support for a family loss and basically just catch up. The convo was light until he blurted out the craziest thing. "I cheated on you because you were too good for me". Five seconds of silence. "And that was my way of telling you to move on without me I'm sorry". 
My response? I hit the little red end button on my phone and put it back on the charger. So I sat there on the end of my bed looking bewildered. For lack of better words. Who the fuck does that? 


Then of course. I called back and let him have it. I asked, "What kinda excuse was that?" Through mumbles and apologies he tried to explain hisself to no avail. 


We all have excuses for what we do. I have had friends use them all: I was drunk. He doesn't do what he used to. He cheated on me. I just wanted to try this other guy out. I have a few of my own, but excuses are just that, Excuses. Until he said the realest and most honest thing he's could have let part from his lips in the nine years we've known each other. 

"I mean seriously V what excuse is REALLY acceptable?. None"

So that leads me to ask you.......

Is there ever an instance where cheating is okay and acceptable? If so....when? 

Life as a fat girl Part 3: The relationships and the men that made them....

DISCLAIMER: It's been a looooooong time coming. Not quite sure why I left you hanging, but I'm picking up where I left off back in *turns and coughs* March. LOL Sorry about that. As I raise my glass of Moscato we can get into the stories of life....and the best parts...LOVE. So...let's begin shall we.....

Soooo in August of 1999 I stepped out of my God mother's Cadillac into a hot unbearable heat in a tiny nowhere town called Senatobia, Mississippi. Before that...I had a hard time getting boys to look at me. Wait I take that back. I had a hard time getting boys I LIKED to look at me. I was a college freshman 642 miles away from home. If I didn't do anything else I was going to have a good time. And I did. I had a date damn near every night first semester. This was soooooo new. By Thanksgiving I had settled on a cutie we will call A.H (Almost Husband) I was 18. He was 17. He was a senior who took classes part time at the community college I attended. We worked together at the local Burger King and somehow became inseparable. He was everything I wanted a boyfriend to be (or so I thought). As the days went on I realized Community college wasn't really my bag. We mutually agreed that I would go back to Wisconsin and attend the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. I did however come back to Wisconsin an engaged woman. Yes I was going to marry A.H even though I didn't know a damn thang about life or love yet. I just knew I had found the first boy who really liked me. And maybe...just maybe even loved me. We stayed together. Somehow. Until I met my first love, MM (You remember him fondly as Master Manipulator). That's when everything changed. I broke off my long-distance relationship for what stood in front of me. A strong, gorgeous, chocolate, sexy straight out of prison co-worker. (Yeah I see you shaking your head) Say what you want. He was breathtaking and he wanted little ole' college girl me. To him I was a sexy ass chocolate girl. Yeah I know it's all talk, but when you don't get praise. That shit meant everything.

That relationship was volatile at best. Constant lying, cheating, and of course manipulation on his part. I was dating a man thirteen years older than me. Even being the book smart college junior I was, my book smarts was no match for his street knowledge. I felt trapped. I felt like I had to stay because no one made me feel as special, but then again no one tore me down as much. I felt like I couldn't do any better. We went back and forth for almost five years till finally I realized I couldn't beat myself up anymore. I actually could find better. It wouldn't be the next day, but it would DEFINITELY happen. If I let M.M go.

So I enjoyed about a year of the single life. It was nice. Vacations. Time with friends. Discovering ones self. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Singleness is not my thing. I was left to my own devices and not to mention no regular cuddling and sex. Jeez that sucked, but I made it through with a lil' help here and there *wink* and found myself with a suitor...

Now at 26 the fairy tale of love should have been clean over, but the little girl in me never quite gave up the dream. Enter E.B (Estranged Boyfriend). Massive flirting. Lots of phone calls, one visit, and BAM!!! We were a live-in couple......well kinda. Our bodies were in the same location for the most parts. Well rarely. But our minds were somewhere else. I spent a large portion of time trying to get used to living with a man. He spent a large portion of time trying to get the hell out of the house. Anywhere that wasn't there. Was there love there? Hell yeah. But the differences were too strong. I take pride in saying I loved hard. Harder than I knew I was capable of. I loved him as is. He had issues with me as is. I gave all of me. But.....we all know we can't make people treat you the way you need. It faltered. Even though I gave my all. It wasn't enough. Do I feel bad? No. I did all I can do...It happens that way sometimes.I will never talk bad about him. That love for me was amazing it brightened my life. We just couldn't make that shine last. The famous two words are always....LESSON LEARNED.

 There were some guys in between these three, but these gentleman have yet to be rivaled in the effect they placed on my life. The emotion, the growth, the tears, the love, the anger. Not bad for the little, short, fat black girl with slightly askew hair. Who thought know one would like her...not because of the hair, but the whole short, black, fat thing. The men are still coming and the story still continues..... it's always interesting....in the life of a fat girl

A Case Of The EX

So there's this guy and we used to date. For like 5 freakin years!!! It's what television talk shows call a tumultuous relationship. No matter how horrible things got (and it was pretty freakin' horrible) we would always find our way back to each other. Not anymore. Thank God, but it was what it was. Or shall I say it is what it is. Let's call the ex MASTER MANIPULATOR. Better yet MM for short.

So MM and I kept our distance for at least three years and in those three years I'm happy to say I fell in love with someone else. I love my boyfriend. Like fresh air, sunshine and life itself. But lately he has placed me on this list. This list of importance. I think I place tenth. Somewhere behind family, friends, his music, his laptop, liquor, fresh socks, twitter and discussions about the Illuminati and New World Order. I don't know if it's intentional or just a male oversight, but I have become pretty unimportant. Just recently a very "warped" friendship has been rekindled between MM and myself. Notice I didn't say love, romance, or relationship. Just a very odd friendship. And we both feed off of it.

He gives me advice on my current relationship. Let's me know when I'm just being a girl and overreacting, or when my emotions and reasoning seem on point. He checks on me when things are rough and he keeps it real with me. For the most part. I provide for him the same.

I don't know if any of you have ever been in a predicament such as this, but I notice I get my best relationship advise from MM. Yes he's a middle aged, womanizing, man-whore, jobless asshole. A liar and manipulator at it's finest (thus the name), but he knows me. And that was the relationship that brought me from naive college junior to GROWN ASS WOMAN. Opened my eyes to how hard love really is. Not only love, but life. Not only does he know me. Let's not get it twisted he knows I'm the SugarHoneyIceTea, but he also knows that ship has sailed. But he's seen the growth and changes I went through and he seems to be the best person to give me advice. He's supportive, cool, and on point. When I need him he's a phone call away. And there aren't many I can say that about. Which leads me to ask. Can exes become friends? Not "friends", but friends. It seems like the most obvious thing. Who can know you better than a person that's seen your highs and lows and knows you dare I say....biblically. And can you maintain a relationship and this friendship at the same time?

Or is this just naive wishful thinking????