Chocolate Girl Wonder

What's wrong with being the fat girl???

2012-01-14T18:34:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: Today I have eaten about 1500 calories....not enough do to me sleeping in earlier. I have however taken in a HUGE amount of fruits and veggies. I knocked out 45 minutes on the elliptical and 15 on the treadmill. I faithfully log my eating and exercise victories and mishaps with my Myfitnesspal app daily. Why? Because it's time to get healthy. I need to drop poundage because the weight I stand at at my stature is just not good. Not to mention now that I'm in my dirty thirties that whole time waits for no man statement means a hell of a lot more. I maybe doing it to tighten up some areas as well but my goals are pretty low. I've always been a heavy girl. From childhood on up. I can't even fathom myself wearing a pair of jeans under a size fourteen. And I'm cool with that. I say all that to say this. Dropping your BMI, weight, and blood pressure can be very important to your health and livelihood. But when its not really connected to that....what's wrong with being the fat girl?

Maybe you watch MTV (I really don't because I'm just over that shit) and got a chance to catch the show Chelsea Settles.

It was about a plus size girl who was looking to make it big in the fashion world, deal with an unsupportive boyfriend and lose weight in the process. It revolved around the already beautiful young ladies struggles with her career, relationship and weight. I admit her weight was unhealthy as she did weigh in at 324 pounds and much like myself she has an admitted food addiction.

Honestly I gave this show the side eye. Not because I'm pro-obesity, but much like MTV's Fat Camp show both seemed more about the hip, vibrant, youthful MTV generation image rather than about healthy living. If the weight loss is about being hot well then I'm hot in a spanx, leggings, heels, and form fitting top. I gave this show a whole episode and magically forgot about it. Until I saw these pics earlier this week.

and

All I could say was wholly fucking Hotcakes with butter and Karo syrup!!!! Is that even the same effin dame??? The beautiful Chelsea now looked like a super fashionable Natalie Nunn!!! I mean that in a good and bad way. Her weight loss is phenomenal and I am oh so proud of her, but boy is that drastic. Like Jennifer Hudson, Raven Symone, America Ferrera, and so many others. It kinda made me feel some kinda way. Like it was wrong to be me. And that my friend is a lie. What's wrong with being the plus size girl.

I don't ever want to get rid of my thick shapely hips and thighs. My ass is popular all on it's own. My curves are what I adore. I have my problem areas and issues, but I am content right in the plus size section. I'm ok with double digits stitched in my clothing tags and a butt you can sit a drink on. It's never made me any less dateable (well to the ones I would deem date worthy), or smart or talented. As I drink my 10th 20 ounce bottle of water I must admit I am on a quest for a healthier lifestyle, but the plus size vixen I am is the one I will always be....just weighing in at a lower number. So what really is wrong with being the fat girl? We if my life doesn't depend on it.....absolutely nothing.

.....hotness

2012-01-13T22:43:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to love Melanie Fiona not to mention this song is pretty life appropriate....

I shouldn't admit this but.......

2012-01-11T21:32:00.000-08:00

Right now I am all kindsa digging me some Diggy Simmons. Something about this song makes me feel all warm and gooshy.....all high school crushy and ish..LOLand I love the fact that the love interest was a chocolate girl..... <3 Diggy

....and I know this much is true

2012-01-10T08:52:00.000-08:00

I can say many things about 2011. How great it was. How horrible it was.How much I lost. How much I gained. What I sought to learn, but most importantly what I really took from it. I can take this moment to go into a drastic tunnel of retrospect, but I won't. I won't. I won't dwell with what it was but I can deal with what 2012 it can be.

So as we may (or may not know) I'm 30 now. That's that age where you're old enough to not fuck up anymore, but young enough to still party like a 18 year old as long as you keep your body full of b12. Young enough to still fall head over heels in love, but old enough to look before you allow yourself to fall. When work becomes necessity. And family (or lack thereof) becomes priority. That age where tears take a backseat to creating solutions. The stage where irrational, illogical emotional decisions and thinking will destroy you. Well the age that brings along all those things........that is now where I reside. I want to look back at my twenties and think of all the mistakes that put me in a rut at thirty, but once again I can't do that. All I know is that I have to make this next ten years as amazing as possible. Let all the things that were negative fade into the background of memories. Let all the tears dry on my proverbial pillow and create the best possible life for myself that I can. No heartache excuses, No job excuses. No allowing myself to be my biggest setback. This much I know is true. It's time to take control. The best way I can. The only way I know how. Yes...and I know that this much is true.

R.I.P Heavy D

2011-11-09T07:59:00.000-08:00

I was raised on hip hop.....real hip hop. And the overweight lover, Heavy D was part of that genre. Heavy D, (better known as Dwight Arrington Meyers) died in his home yesterday of what is still to be considered unknown causes. As of yet its been reported that no foul play has been suspected. Just another unfortunate great loss in the hip-hop community. My adolescence was filled with Heavy D songs.....and this one in particular video was part of the first homemade mixtape I popped into the cassette player of my stepdad's car at the age of 16. Still the jam. Rest In Peace Heavy......the overweight lover will never be forgotten.

#random

2011-11-06T13:22:00.000-08:00

30 or not crushes are the shyt.....LOL and for that reason....my little girl giddiness has me going back to my old middle school crush songs...

What the lick read?? The birthday girls' life

2011-08-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

Somewhere someone is saying, "Where the fuck is Chocolate Girl Wonder"? Well....maybe. I'm not quite. Maybe you could probably not give a rat's ass, but let me let you know what's going on in my hum-drum life.

I lost my job. No I didn't get fired. After 6 years of faithful serving, managing, training and exuding divaness throughout my employment my job unexpectedly closed with a 24-hour notice. Two weeks ago to be precise. Yep so I'm searching for work. It blows.

I've been freaking out about the above. I am the most experienced person in the store, but I have yet to find a job. Grrr....girls I trained are already back up and running. *sad face*

And.....today is my 30th birthday. *fake cheer* yeahhhh

R.I.P Amy....

2011-07-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

She gave people a lot to talk about. A lot. That style. That hair. That life. Most importantly to me was.......that voice.

R.I.P Amy

Put a ring on it????

2011-07-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

I've been watching these things around me. Listening to the conversations taking place and just taking in my surroundings. One strange conversation that continues to pop up lately is marriage. As the "dirty 30" soon approaches I look at my list of relationships, romances and the like. I must admit I am a bit disheartened at the idea of being a non-married woman at this stage, but I know I have my reason for being one. It's not that I'm not pretty enough, or smart enough. I'm not ratchet. I don't have a house full of kids. I make my own, I'm honest, faithful, and loyal (almost to a fault) and I am a good woman. I love my man (if I'm with a man at the time), I'm supportive, and I expect the same things that I give. Yet and still my wedding finger remains empty. I have my own beliefs as to why I'm not married, but I got into a convo with a few ladies who are in my boat. There reasons are a tad bit different. Some responses were as petty as: I'm single because I have kids, or because I'm fat. Everyone else believed that they just haven't came across the right one. So the questions still remains.....

What's the road block for you???

I know me. I know what I want. I know what I'm looking for and most importantly what I deserve. I have a realistic view of what relationships are. The happily ever after view I had as a teenager and a young woman has been thrown out with my tennis skirt, my Hi-five, cassette, and sock bun. I used to believe that all it took to make a relationship work was love. Love was the answer to everything. The shyt is far more complicated than that. Men by nature are always looking for better. Even when they don't deserve it. Even when the woman in front of them that is willing to give her hand should be the one looking for better. Women spend that same time trying to make a man whose obviously not on the same page into a husband. Trying to pull a man that's running the other direction into a divine sacred ring of holy matrimony. So in the meantime we as women play the waiting game. Trying to figure out what's wrong with us...why we aren't the marrying kind. By the time we give up or have that magical a-ha moment we have wasted a good portion of our lives. More than likely living in a state that does not consider us a common law married couple. And that leaves us......where exactly.??

Women take this super personal. Men see marriage quite differently than we do. Some see it as damn near the end of their lives. Some see it as the biggest decision they could ever possibly make (which they do have a point). So they take it very seriously. Some just can't think of possibly giving up a world of women so that they could cuddle with the same one...even after she gets crow's feet and her breasts hang to her knees. Some are forever unready and unsure...even down to the seconds before their parched, shaky mouths open and say, "I do". Marriage is the one topic that men tread on very lightly while women jump into head first. Look at it this way. A man can be with the same woman for twenty plus years and after babies and after the changing of office of four presidents still never give that woman his last name.

Case example: Rocker Gene Simmons', his girlfriend of 26 yrs. Shannon Tweed and their two adult children

A woman can marry a lifetime sentence carrying prison pen pal whom she doesn't even get to kiss at their prison house wedding. She will be just as content to carry #214529"s last name as if he was the king of France. Even when there is no hope in it.

Desperate times call for desperate measures when you're a woman with a wedding dream and a biological clock that's ticking.You start to get ahead of yourself and think..."OMG I might never have a husband and family wtf am I gonna do?" You rationalize the situation and feel as if you have to "make it happen". If you're like my friend Chrissy Lampkin here you will run to the hottest jeweler with a large chunk of your savings and get your boo a rock that is to die for. Invite all your friends and fam to the spot, drop to one knee, and with tears in your eyes ask him to make your five year plus union New York state official. And in return being that very official brother he is he will look you in the eye and say something like..."I'm withchu". Excuse my french but, what the fuck was that shyt? Once I step out on the proverbial love limb and offer my all in the form of a high carated piece of finger jewelry and an offer to be with you forever I need a much more solid response. Especially when my family and friends are watching. That's a new form of embarrassment. One I pray I will never have to endure.

Sometimes my desire to have kids gets the best of me and I feel it's time to pull a Chrissy, but I realize that I am not married for many reasons. The right ones. If I married today I nor my mate would be in the best financial position. We wouldn't be at our strongest place in our relationship, or honestly the timing would probably just be wrong. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in the title of it all that we don't appreciate the relationship we have in front of us. Marriage is a beautiful thing if you have it with the right person, but if you don't......smh that can be hell. So I suggest ladies we not worry so much about why we aren't and enjoy the status we have. Acknowledge when you're ready, and be real with yourself when you know that you're not. In the meantime.....yes it takes a lot more than love to make a relationship work....but put your heart into making each other happy. Loving each other and appreciating your here and now is a lot less chaotic than trying to reach out to a finish line that is miles away. Divorce rates are so ridiculousy high now because people don't think about the future. People are so wrapped up in the here and now and the great feeling of love at that moment that they don't acknowledge that there will be a day when bills pile up, he/she will be getting on your last nerves, and he/she will be thirty pounds heavier. That's when you have to forget about all that extra and remember that person is still the same person you loved that special day long ago.

I refuse to take the change of my last name lightly. So I guess in my case he has to do a whole lot damn more than like it to put a ring on it.........he has to be committed to this Chocolate Girl Wonder forever. Forever-ever. Forever-ever.

I'm sorry......kinda

2011-07-10T16:24:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry for the post delay guys. I can give you a hodge podge of excuses, but the fact of the matter is.....it's the summer. Who in the hell has time to sit in front of the computer all day?? LOL Not I said the cat. Well honestly I'm back working 6 days a week, enjoying this great Wisconsin weather, and relishing in my last final weeks as a twenty-something. I must say I am pretty excited to hit the dirty 30. In the meantime here's a pictorial. LOL

I'm having way too much fun partying with these skinny mini youngsters I work with. But they are wearing my old ass out. They seem to have partying energy that goes on for effin ever. *sighs* ahhhhh to be twenty one again. Nonetheless a lot of BS and tomfoolery has been going on around me so trust that I have new topics to bitch and moan about as well as to explore.

Lupe Fiasco - Words I Never Said ft. Skylar Grey [Music Video]

2011-05-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

"First they came for the communists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me

and there was no one left to speak out for me."

- Martin Niemöller

Words I never said

To my star player...happy mother's day!

2011-05-08T05:11:00.000-07:00

You're the blood in my veins, you're the air I breathe, like a hot summer day you're like a shirt with no sleeves........
You're more than a woman to me.

My mother is a trip, but she's my trip. I love her with all my heart and can only hope that she knows how much she means to me. I consider myself blessed, because not only is she on my team. She is the only person on my team. Sometimes I'm not my star player. She is. Happy Mother's Day Vernedia McClain

The Demise of the Ride or Die Bitch

2011-05-06T05:02:00.000-07:00

We all know her. She will rip a weave out the "other chicks" head about her man, bail him out with her gas bill money, hide the white from the feds for him, try to talk her Nana or Big Momma into putting the house up for his bail, she's there every Sunday morning for jail/prison visits, or she'll give him her tax refund to "pursue his dream" or even worse "to flip". We all know her. She is in it for the long haul. She can be a hood rat, a college educated sister, white or black. Hell she can be you or me. She's the main chick, the "one", the "wifey". The Big Tymers called her "a Hot Girl". I tend to love the Ruff Ryders term for her, "A Ride or Die Bitch". It was a song by The Lox feat. Eve. I remember it being my jam my freshman year of college. That is before I really paid attention. Here's a refresher...........

I look back on it now and all I like is Eve's makeup

ride or die chick	613 up, 77 down
	A chick that ain't afraid to be down with her man she'll do anything her man needs her to do.

Anywho. Flashback to Early 2000. At the time I was an eighteen year old college student. Over 600 miles away from home. For the first time in my life I became a hot commodity in my little Mississippi college town. Around me were scores of beautiful, smart young black women. And a very slim amount of attractive, smart, young black men. I believed a woman had to PROVE herself to be a keeper. At that time I saw nothing wrong with the Ride or Die Chick mentality. Not only was it ok. Unfortunately I became one. I wasn't just one for one man in my life, but many.

I cooked, cleaned, paid all the bills, bought his clothes, bought his weed, picked him up, dropped him off, paid OUR way, and fought bitches that "compromised" my position. Don't get it twisted, I wasn't ho'ing around. I was proving my dedication to a man I thought I loved. Later I see most of these situations weren't even about love. It was more so about my relationship validating me. If I kept him that meant I was worthy. If he left it proved what I believed....that I wasn't good enough. And even though in the back of my mind I felt like an idiot. I felt like the end justified the means. He would eventually be my husband. Needless to say, I am not nor have I ever been married. So not only did I not get the ending I would have hoped for. I was left with a naked ring finger and a lot of heartache. Did I put two and two together and got four? Yes. But did I stop immediately? No. It wasn't something I could stop cold turkey. It seemed almost ingrained in me.

Mrs. T.I aka Tiny, being comforted by Monica as they leave TIP's last court hearing before heading back for 11 more months of prison time

But it did eat away at me. Giving one hundred per cent of myself became a full-time job. More than I could handle. Especially when I realized in most cases I hadn't received fifty per cent in return. At one point I felt like I was nothing. My sanity was holding on by a thread. In 2005 I felt my ex was slipping from my hands and there was nothing I could do about it. He demanded that I cut my hair. So the day before my grandmother's funeral I cut off all my hair. To pacify and keep a man not worth keeping. To be honest I hated my short hair. It was hot. But not me. The hair cut was an extension of him.. It just happened to be that I was wearing it. Due to the fact that he lived next door to my salon he kept tabs on when I got it done. As weird as this sounds he wasn't very controlling. At the time I did it willingly all in the mindset of keeping him.

Most women don't realize that they take on the ride or die mentality. We can't make these men seem like the bad guys. Yes they can be sometimes, or good guys that make bad choices, or just current bad choices to be with. We as women however make the choice to stay, support, and pacify these men in there behaviors. I slowly began to realize that this wasn't working for me. While doing everything and being the super heroine I realized I wasn't that man's princess. I wasn't being cuddled and showered with gifts. I had nothing to show for my hard work. So I left that relationship. Still not leaving the mentality.

How I killed my ride or die bitch

So in 2008 I started a new relationship. Taking away some of the things I did , but still keeping a lot of qualities. I accepted less than respectful behavior, got loud and grimey with a chick or two. Rather than see it for what it was. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a supportive girlfriend. Nothing. But this there to the end mentality is no longer for me. I have officially rejected it. I am in it until my common sense and heart tells me to stop. No longer can I be Ride or Die for people who have never been ride or die for me. I can only now just love as a heart and woman loves. And give up when it is time to so. Does that end my dedication? Loyalty? supportiveness? No. No. No. It just ends a hard core senseless dedication to it. I am happy to say I am no longer a ride or die chick. For some women this could end in marriage and a happily ever after. Good for them, but for me....I just can't do it. I'm just Valecia. A good woman. Who has a starting point and stopping point with my love. And I know the stopping point aint death. LOL.

Girl Crush

2011-04-29T05:51:00.000-07:00

“I don’t like going to the gym. I like eating fine foods and drinking nice wine. Even if I had a really good figure, I don’t think I’d get my tits and ass out for no one.” — British pop star, Adele, in the latest issue of Rolling Stone.

That's a diva statement I can backup. LOL.
So I must admit it. I am car less and have been for a while now (10 months maybe). Because I'm never in a car I never know what's playing on the radio. (I know I could be listening to internet radio, but I just don't!) So I am just discovering Plus-size, blue-eyed UK singer-songwriter Adele. This woman is phenomenal. Why did no one tell me about her? Her and Duffy have "the most intoxicating voices" to me. It's official the UK is not only where the stupid wedding is.....it's also where all the soul can be found. She is just amazing and I can't say it enough times. I guess in good ol' twitter language I'm #TeamUK

Girl Crush- Ms. Jill Scott

2011-04-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Isn't Ms. Jilly from Philly looking gorgeous right about now???? I'm loving the look especially those leggings and hair. She always brings it. I'm excited to hear the album. She's even hotter in the Shame video. I never considered sequins.....but she is rocking it. And the big hair *swoons*.

So what do YOU think???

Black girls....trapped in a box

2011-04-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

SCENARIO: Early Thursday morning. 8:30 am to be exact. I walked the streets of W. Wisconsin Ave. in Milwaukee. I felt pretty cute. Nice neutral eye. Cute black sweater. Fitted black dress pants. Brown heels and my signature brown bag cradled in the crook of my left arm. Starbuck's Tall Chai Latte secure in my right. I was headed to an interview. An interview that I felt I had in the bag. I was all smiles. I nodded a pleasant hello to various people walking my way. One young man in particular smiled my way and said, " Well good morning beautiful". I looked up to find a short cropped, messy blond with a beautiful smile and teeth. Was he cute? Gorgeous to be precise. Like David Beckham in a peacoat with a backpack. I smiled and thanked him. "My pleasure entirely sweetheart", he responded. We walked away slowly smiling. Well.....I'll be honest. I was Cheesing, but I did feel some kinda way. I combination of happy and weird. Weird because ummm he was white. And I don't mean that in the ewww he was white way, but the well that was different way. I had to stop and ask myself why is this weird to me? I see it everyday. My answer was: yes, just not really with black women.

R & B Artist Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton

I have been guilty of being that woman. The one with the snide comments when I saw a black man with a white woman. (or woman of any race other than black). Somewhere down the line I stopped caring. I started seeing the situation for what it was. There is someone for everyone. Race shouldn't be the factor. However I wondered...what is stopping sistas from "venturing" out and seeing other men as love interests. I have always seen my life as one daydream or pleasant montage after another. I dreamed what my high school days would be like, what college would be like, how great my twenties would be. I have daydreamed everything down to my possible pregnancies. And I always viewed my wedding cake with two little brown faces on top of the cake. Why? I can't say. But that was always apart of the dream. I actually had a lot of crushes on white boys, but I always felt like my husband would use Dax and a wave brush. *Shrugs* Go figure.

R & B Singer Heather Headley and husband former NY Jets player Brian Musso

As I get older I realize finding the right person has a lot less to do with color and far more to do with your heart. I rarely ever hear a black man say they won't date a white woman. Better yet I hear them give me a list of reasons why they would or why they feel like black women are now the obsolete option. I wont go into detail about that for a few reasons.

That ish is angering
It's disrespectful
And...it's neither here nor there, because we are not discussing exclusion we are talking about expanding options.
I'm not into making generalizations here.

Looking around I see a large portion of African-American men in prison, or have no act right, are married, with white women, are homosexual, or are in hiding where I just can't snatch them up. Because of this a lot of sistas seem to feel as if their pickings are slim. In some cases they are correct. So they choose to take sub-standard relationships in order to be with "the black man". I understand their train of thought, but sub-standard relationships never become what you want. They never flourish into the beautiful wedding and dreams you hoped. It just keeps dragging on into the land of sub-standard-dom. It's not my job to hold my brothers up. It's my job to live a happy, fulfilling, God- filled life with someone who loves me and understands me as much as I love and understand him.

South Park Co-Creator Matt Stone and his wife Angela

We seem to be so caught up in the specifics. Who cares if he's a chicken parmigiana guy and I'm a collard greens and cornbread girl. Those are all things that will work themselves out. The right guy will love me when the sink is filled with shedding remy weave anyway. In the year 2011 we are still trying to figure out one another when there isn't really much to learn. Everyone for the most part is the same. We all just have different life stories.

Grey's Anatomy star Justin Chambers and wife, Keisha

So as of today I vow to keep my options open. I will be open to love from whatever tree it's leaves may fall from. Because the honest to God truth is on my wedding day it doesn't matter if the hand I'm holding is ivory and I'm staring into some piercing blue eyes, or he's a caramel brown brother with a beautiful dark brown pair. All that truly matters is the words, "I do". And the fact that he means them as much as I do.

TAG!!!!!! I'm it.....LOL

2011-04-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

I was tagged recently by the lovely and oh so fly Zakiya of Bigg Badd Wolf: A style Blog with the oh so prestigious Kreativ Blogger award. I believe this to be my first one....(if not *shrugs* sorry memory is slipping) either way I am super excited and thankful. The award rules go as follows:

*State 10 facts about yourself

*Tag 10 bloggers

*Inform them that they've been given the award

No...this is NOT my room, but I wish it was....

Based upon the words I post I come across as a very rough around the edges type broad. That's merely one side to me. I am actually quite girly girly. I like unicorns, glitter, Lisa Frank and all that shit. But above all else my favorite color is pink. I wear it all the time.

I have odd dreams of becoming a plus size model. Don't ask why. Or even how for that matter. I just know I look damn good in photographs. Not all that hot in person, but in photographs...absolutely stunning!!!!

I am in love with wonder woman. I think she is the best super hero (ine) ever made. Hell I love Linda Carter simply because she played Wonder Woman. Oh shit I just had the hottest thought....a photoshoot as Wonder woman.....yeahhhhh...that would be the hotness!!!

I studied Journalism at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. I dropped out as a junior. Life kinda got in the way, but I do love writing. My problem is I write how I talk......so....it's not all that proper. LOL. To be honest I never really had a desire to write. I wanted to have my own talk show. I have an opinion about everything. It's not always right, but it sure is interesting.

Over the years I have grown to be a tad bit anti-social. I don't hate people per'se. It's the idiosyncrasies of people that gnaw at my nerves.

LOL cocaine waitress...not my profession but I liked the pic

Even while being a non "people lover" I am a waitress by trade. Yes I say by trade. I don't care what anyone says waitressing takes a skill and patience that I never knew I had. It's weird I'm not a fan of the public, but I can tap dance and shuffle if cash is involved. I love what I do. I'm just looking to do it in way better venues. Too bad I'm too fat to be a stripper cause I would sooo do it. Nahhhh I'm playing....or am I???? LOL

I am a foodie. Whole Foods, trader joes, and farmer's markets make my day. I have a love of produce that is just weird. I can and will try any vegetable once. So far I have only disliked one......the dreaded asparagus. I may try it again and just cook it differently.

I have super strong legs. The first fitness activity I joined in middle school was....The weight lifting club. I showed up after school all cute in my pink tee, black sweats, and pink and black shoes to find out two things about myself. I was the ONLY girl that was joining. And....I could leg press 120 lbs. at the age of eleven. I do 40 squats and lunges a night......you can only imagine what my butt looks like LOL

well not like this...but dammit it's getting there!

My PC is starting to act an ass. Ol' Bessie has seen some good days but now I think it's time to bid her adieu! Honestly I don't really have new computer money right now so Bessie might have to hold out till I say when. I won't be saying when soo. Hell I have bills people.

Call me a stand up woman with a basic bitch twist. I don't know if marriage and babies are truly in the cards for me. If I never get married I won't feel as if I have been slighted in life and the great experiences that I've had. But here's the basic bitch twist.....I don't really need a marriage. The ultimate love gesture....tattoo my name in a visible spot. *swoons* See I told you that was basic.....very. LOL

Here are the bloggers that I am tagging:

Sunshinestar110 at U don't like my opinion....That's fine

Miesha Mosby at Ms. Phyt..Phat..N..Phyne

Sharona at This is Sharona

Lumi at Glam Doll Lumi: A Girly Blog

Lalanzo at The Tales of The Tru Blu Gangsta/Gentleman

Alee at Alee's Perspective

Jacquelyn at Fabdiva20

Downtown Pepper at More Composition Please

Soraya at Femmes with Benefits

I Bleed Pink at I Bleed Pink

Ladies and gentleman........

2011-04-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am now currently having a real life shoe-gasm...

#thatisall

And you wonder why we call you bitch: Females and friendship

2011-04-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

Scenario 1: I'm in the gym working out and sweating my ass off. It doesn't mean a thing to me that I'm the only black female in the gym. I've been a member for a few months now and I like it. I'm quite comfortable there. I make an effort to smile or nod at everyone coming in even at my hardest resistance in those last few hard minutes. I never asked to be the welcoming committee I just do it, because I'm in a good mood and feeling polite. So along walks in two young black girls. About my age, about my height, and about my build. Lace front wigs blazing, false eyelashes fluttering, and long ass acrylics waving back and forth. Let's not even talk about why you would be in a gym with a wig on. As always I wave. They look at me, look at each other, and Give me a funny ass "who does she think she is?" look as if how dare I have the audacity to smile at them. Well damn.

This look describes how I felt perfectly!

I am almost thirty years old. Which means I have had a lot of time to deal with people. I learn something new about myself everyday, but I have people (for the most part) figured out. I am a people watcher. I generally size people up for months before I really, REALLY begin to let them in. I watch for lies, reactions, opinions. What they say about others, do they take the blame for their mistakes or is it always someone else's fault, are they hard working or are they petty. Do they show themselves respect, do they respect me, and do they hold up their end of the bargain. Are they one dimensional in their opinions and views or willing to look at a picture in it's entirety. This is not what I look at to determine a friend. It's merely what I look at to see if you're even worth being an associate. This doesn't apply with women. Me attempting to build a new friendship with a woman is a thing of the past.

Women are the nurturers of the earth. Emotional creatures that are known to be the most loving sex. But women can be some of the meanest, most trifling, cattiest, backstabbing, and jealous individuals on the planet.

See what I mean????

Scenario 2: In high school I was apart of a clique. Not the mean girls type, but a crew of kids that were all raised in the same neighborhoods, elementary, middle and high schools all our lives. We had all the same extracurricular activities, and attended the same church. I didn't need to go looking for friends. I didn't need them. I had something better. A family. There were only two females in this group of fifteen to twenty. We bumped heads here and there like any other teenage girls did, but till this day she is still my heart. It was the "other girls". The other girls who wanted to date my "brothers". The girls that had crushes on them and saw me and my homegirl as a threat. Or girls who didn't understand why we chose to hang with the guys. So we became all kinds of names. Hoes. Sluts. Nasty bitches. Not because we actually were. We weren't, but because the words helped these chicks sleep better at night. It couldn't possibly be that he didn't like you because your breath smelled like hot garbage. Or he didn't like you because you had a super unlady like cussing issue. Or better yet he didn't even know you liked him. It was always because those two bitches must be fucking him. Really??? I think not. Had you maybe took a moment to befriend me or perhaps get to know me I would have thrown in a good word for you. Now all my "brothers" are either married or engaged to some great stand-up women. Women who accept and appreciate the friendships we share with them.

Scenario 3: I remember being a fresh, happy Sunday school teaching twenty-one year old college junior. I was in love with a man thirteen years older than me. He had seven kids and five baby mamas. (LOL I know that was dumb on my part). I thought we were going to be together forever. So I made a point to get to know his children and family quite well. It was odd and more than I should have gotten into at that age, but I always made sure I showed the mothers of his children respect. Besides whether me and him made it together or not those chicks were gonna be around in some way shape or form forever. So I always said hello, smiled, asked how were they doing. All of them on a face to face level thought pretty highly of me....or so I thought. One day one of the chicks felt as if the conversation she was trying to have with my then boyfriend wasn't as important as the fact that he was currently on the phone with me. "You can get off the phone with that bitch and talk to me please?" Really? I'm a bitch. Hmmm. ok. I had a baby mama (different relationship) once tell my boyfriend that she thought she looked better than me. I dated a guy who refused to bring me around his son's mother because she was that crazy. She knew I existed. I could hear her on the phone one time saying, "When you gonna let me meet ya new girl so I can check this hoe". I snatched the phone and gave Ms. Indignant a piece of my mind. That night was our last date. I don't play that shit. Apparently these are the things that make them feel better about me riding there exes into oblivion every night. Especially when I'm nothing, but respectful to these women.

You can say that I'm exaggerating, but women are vicious creatures. Men don't try to throw a drink on a guy at the bar if he has on the same shirt as him. Men rarely (make that never) fight over women. Men don't give a flying fuck about any of that. Shit like that is such a small part of life and they are more likely to look at the bigger picture. Unless we are discussing bitch made niggas. Then it's a totally different situation. Women have an innate fear of people in better positions. I believe everyone is like this to a certain extent. Females however are more prone to showing this trait. Anytime they see someone doing good, or having something they want, that person (usually another woman) becomes the "ultimate threat". It is too much like right to say, " That's a nice car go head girl". Or "Look at you you've lost so much weight congrats" or ___________________ (fill in space with anything positive that you rarely hear women say to each other). It's a tad bit easier for hater blood to run through female veins. I don't know why. It just is.

Oprah and Gayle--lesbian lovers or NOT these two have done something phenomenal.
Maintained a friendship throughout the years.

The Flipside: I don't think it's impossible for two females to have an honest upstanding good hearted relationship. As long as the two people involved are honest, upstanding, good-hearted women. That is the only way it will work. It's impossible if only one person is. I feel like the friends I have are the ones I have. I don't desire at this age to make any new ones. Respect however is something I give to every woman I meet. I just find it so odd how it kills a woman to give that back in return. I know this isn't the complete way of life, but it's what I've been seeing the most lately. However there are always a few positive people who don't get their just credit.

Scenario 1: While sweating and panting on the stairmaster an older black woman with a neat little afro stopped and smiled at me. She tapped me to signal she wanted to say something. I hit pause on my ipod long enough for her to say, "Baby I see you in hear all the time". "Keep it up you'll be where you want to be real soon". I smiled and thanked her for the encouragement. Oddly enough she walked up and said that right behind the lace front duo. Maybe there is hope after all. Maybe. But I'm not holding my breath.

A me...health update

2011-04-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

Well.....first I am a sucky blogger. I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like, but I do have a lot of ideas brewing in my head that I'm working on. I promise there will be two entries coming this week. I vow. Anywho..... my workouts have been awesome. I'm starting to see the transformation in my body. Muscles are forming where muscles were not before. There is one issue though. The poundage is not really going anywhere. And I know why. Because I eat a lot. Not just more than I should, but a fucking lot. Workouts tend to make me even hungrier. So.....the scale is going nowhere. And I'm pissed. High point. I do feel better. I wonder if I can over come this shit. It didn't used to be an issue. I was all about portion control and drinking water to keep myself full if necessary. It's just not cutting it now. Somebody told me once maybe you're supposed to be the weight you are. Hmmmm I seriously doubt that. I work out 3-4 days a week. Logging in a 500-700 calorie deficit every time. Somedays I add a little extra by walking to work. I try to make fruits and vegetables the main part of all of my meals and snacks. This fat to curvy situation is not as easy as I though it would be. Maybe just maybe I may have an addiction.

Which leads me to the interest of this:

I can't wait to watch this tomorrow. I think I can really learn something. It's truly amazing how much food is an aspect of our lives. It is strange how portions that were once considered the norm and healthy became kid sizes over the years. I just need to get on track with the food. It is going to take some work, but I am definitely in it to win it.

R.I.P Elizabeth

2011-03-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

"I'm a survivor--a living example of what people can go through and survive"

Because this has to be the funniest set of commercials ever.....

2011-03-11T23:01:00.000-08:00

At least to me....LOL

So once upon a time there was this weave.........

2011-03-11T07:51:00.000-08:00

So I thought long and hard about doing a review on the last hair I had installed for a sew-in. Partially because there tends to be backlash from this company when they hear about youtube vids or blog reviews that lean a bit towards the negative. But......eff it I'm me and this is how I feel about it.

Once upon a time a young lady (me) was up at 3 in the morning lollygagging around on twitter. Halley's Curls was having a contest and giving away their newest hair texture, Candy Curls. I'm not even going to lie. I got excited as hell, because I had been eyeballing it for months. I just had no interest in coming out of my pocket two hundred plus dollars. Anyway purse opening became completely unnecessary because I won.

That's what it looked like......8 oz. of 14" in candy curls

I went through the companies instructions of HSC (Hydrating, Shampooing, and Conditioning) the hair. I gave it a few days to air dry and ran happily to my stylist to have it sewn-in.

First complaint: Now maybe this has something to do with my stylists braid pattern or maybe it means I have a big ass head, but I was 2 braids short of all the hair I needed to complete the sew-in. My stylist used two wefts of beauty supply hair to fill in the braids. That slightly irked me because I didn't get the real Halley's experience, but nonetheless it was cute.

Day 1 2/10/11 all that curly cuteness

Second complaint: If you go to the Halley's Curls website they tell you that their wefts are reinforced. Hmmm Really???? My wefts shed like hell. Seriously crazy shedding all over the place.

Third Complaint: And it was necessary to comb through it daily because due to waitressing my hair stayed in a ponytail during work and I have to comb out all the tangles I would get during the day. I understand curly hair gets tangles far more but the tangles were just out of control. And the amount of hair that would come out ???? Child please. P.S. I'm a weave-ologist I know how to properly comb out tangles. So that is NOT the reason for the excessive shedding.

Fourth Complaint: Matting. Is this an issue that comes along with just curly hair???? OMG The back of my hair matted something horrible even when I detangled. I can detangle to a certain point and once I get towards the top of the back weft it becomes obvious that I'm dealing with one big tangle that I will NOT be able to get out.

Week 3 It looks good but.......I'm just no longer feeling it

Plus my workout regimen is not conducive with this sew-in. The curliness of if requires me to spiral curl the front at least once a week. I am really not into putting that much heat on my hair on a weekly basis. Is the hair gorgeous? Of course it is. Am I really glad I didn't shell out money for it? You damn skippy. It kinda makes me said that I gave up six months of transitioning to relax for this sew-in. If I'm doing something wrong feel free to let me know. But all in all this is all bad for me. Makes me miss the Bobbi Boss Ocean wave that I complained so much about in September. Or maybe just maybe I need to go back to braids....hmm who knows......

Products used on hair: Dove Intensive Care Shampoo and Conditioner, Garnier Fructris Curl Sculpting Cream-gel, and occasionally John Freida Frizz Ease Dream Curls Curl-Perfecting Spray.

Girl Crush......

2011-03-10T10:20:00.000-08:00

I don't care what anyone says I love me some Nicole Polizzi aka "Snooki"

She is just freaking adorable to me big hair, big mouth, crazy ways, curvy shape and all. When I saw this cover my girl crush meter immediately went into code red mode. So with all that said....enjoy!

A me recap oh so random

2011-03-07T12:43:00.000-08:00

LOL
*Don't you just love the Rick Ross "I'm a boss" look I'm giving off LOL*

1) Workouts have been going awesome. There is only one massive downside. I eat the way I work out. *with my gangsta grill on* Nigga I goes hard!!!!! Seriously if I burn off 600 calories in a workout as I'm walking out the gym my head is on two things: 1) Congrats girl you did the damn thang! and 2) Now where the hell are we gonna get you something to eat? SMH I know. Conuterproductive like a mutha, but at least I try to eat healthier now.

2) Bills are kicking me in my extra large arse. Like really hard. I just got an awesome raise and still my bills are looking at my check and laughing. I could be wrong, but I could have swore I had my energy bill laying next to my pay role check and heard the bill say to my check, "Hoe you ain't shit".

3) So I've been thinking about this whole issue of 30 being around the corner. Most importantly how I chose NOT to have children yet because I wanted to be greedy. I wanted to do for myself. But as I look back on the situation I have not made an effort to enjoy my life and do the things I want. Or the things I deserve. That shit stops now. Ain't nothing wrong with some selfishness.

4) I have been bored lately. With life. With television. With the internet (especially facebook hoes), even my blog, basically with everything. Nothing seems to be entertaining anymore.... so I have to re-create my entertainment. Or maybe even re-create myself. *clap clap* Dance Geppetto dance.

5) I'm starting to realize there was a reason why in my youth I didn't deal with a lot of females. Hoes ain't bout shit. Don't believe me??? Watch a reality show full of women. Real Housewives of _________, Football/soccer/basketball/Crackdealer wives (or whatever the hell you wanna call it) or those "hook me up with a D-list has been" shows. Women can be some of the most ass backward hatin' ass creatures on the face of the planet. Seriously. I sense it's time that I slap the shit outta a hoe. Not women. Just the hoes. They seem to be getting outta line a lot lately. And that's why I love the company of men....*smirks* and for other OBVIOUS reasons.

6) Who besides me thinks Wiz is overrated? Or Waka is garbage? The sad thing is there is nothing I would love to do more than pull a man's dreads and ride him into the oblivion. Mr. Flocka dried that wet dream out Sahara style. Any man that wants to study geometry in college is someone I can get for all his money. smh Hell I rather be a middle schooler so I can be ok crushin' on Diggy Simmons and Justin Beieber. They both got more game AND money.

7) If you can tell me more about world star hip hop and mediatakeout.com than you can the plight of libyan people under Muammar Ghadafi's rule please kill yourself.

Say whaaaaa????: The Obese America Edition

2011-03-03T16:05:00.000-08:00

You know the America is fat when.........

Case #1

Couples are getting married at White Castle. I had a friend tell me about this a week or so ago. The saddest thing about this shit is when I googled it I got like 3 different other couples. Don't believe me?? View for yourself. I couldn't make this ishhh up if I tried.

Of all the ghetto buffoonery in the land I just can't believe dis ish. This is worse than the couple with the airbrushed Mr. and Mrs. Shirts....smh If yall don't sit yall hungry asses down. You better off getting married at big mama's house and enjoying a plate of collard greens, baked mac and cheese, and fried chicken afterwards. At least that gluttony would be situation appropriate.

Case #2

I love girl scout cookies. To the point where I don't even buy them anymore because I get ridiculous with my love of thin mints. Not as ridiculous as this hoe though.

According to The Naples Daily News of Naples, FL The Collier County Sheriff's Office says that the 31-year-old woke up her roommate early Sunday and accused her of eating her Thin Mints.

The Naples Daily News reports that the roommate said she gave the cookies to Howard's children when the children were awake - and hungry - at 1 a.m., and offered to pay her $10, according to police.

Howard and her roommate argued and deputies say that it turned physical - with Howard chasing her roommate with scissors and hitting her repeatedly with a board and then a sign.

Police say the roommate's husband tried to separate them.

Howard is charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. She was released Monday on $10,000 bail.

Really??? Over some muthafreakin' thin mints????? I'm so done....just done.

Girl Crush......

2011-02-20T17:17:00.000-08:00

Ms. Amber Riley

and the pictures explain it all!!!

Gold digging 101

2011-02-17T11:19:00.000-08:00

You've heard the term tons of times. Hell Kanye made a song about it. Gold digging is synonymous with prostitution (kinda) they go hand in hand. On several occasions I have had exes date questionable women. When I say questionable I mean when I think of what the hell he could see in her I'm stuck with this face.

You know the type. Sloppy. Unattractive. Dumb. Uncouth (yes a bitch said uncouth), basically just a run of the mill (insert Lil' Duval line here) basic bitch. I can't speak for any other woman, but that shit bothers me. To no end. To the point where I have to be me and pick up the BB, facebook, hop on twitter or whatever way hell pigeon if need be and contact this lousy ex. The convo generally goes like this:

ME: hey I'm sure you don't wanna talk to me and I really don't wanna talk to you, but I gotta quick question

EX: Nahhh it ain't like that what's up ma?

ME: Since there is no better way to put it...what the phuck do you see in this bitch???
EX: What bitch??

ME: You know what bitch ya girlfriend the ugly, dumb one. It must be good sex or good convo or something!

EX: *laughs* Nah it ain't none of that. Honestly She buy me whatever I want.

ME: *after a 5-10 second pause* Well damn I can't compete with that. I was just wondering bye.

There is a skill to everything. Golddigging included. Most women have it all down pat. I have been blessed with gifts by many male "courters" as my grandma would say. But I have never asked for anything, nor did I ever come to the table expecting anything, or did I have to "pay" for the things given to me. It's the male gold diggers that are fucking the game up. "Falling in Love" with these hoes the week before they get their W-2's and falling out of love with them right as them steak dinners transform back to hamburger helper dinners again. When the H & R Block card runs outta steam so will Lil' mama's love life. Men tend to get hearts and emotions all involved. When emotions get involved people get hurt. Emotionally. If it's me....hell maybe even physically. I bust heads about my feelings. Shid. In this being Gold digging season (tax time). A refresher course seems fitting. Take a pen and paper and let me show you how it's done.

Rule #1 Have an understanding.

I am a chronic dater. I date when I'm single and I date when I'm in a relationship. As in date others. I don't like to be stuck in the house all lonely so if some guy wants to ask me out to dinner and some drinks and my boyfriend is being an ass will I turn him down? No. Will he think he has something coming in return? Quite possibly. Will I set the record straight? Ya damn skippy. And I will still have a great date. Why cause I let them know what the situation is. They respect it. Not only do they respect it. I have never had a man ever get mad and refuse to pay or catch an attitude and bounce. Why? I make it clear from the gate that I don't need or want a damn thing. So them not footing the bill won't make or break me. Hell so you took me to Dave and Buster's? What the phuck do you expect? I create a balance of honesty. Either you want me for my great company and infectious personality or ya don't. Point Blank Period.

Rule #2 Don't ask for shit!!!!!

A dumb broad will tell you a closed mouth won't get fed. That's some bullshit if I have ever in the history of life heard some bullshit. Go ahead and ask for something. Whatever your heart desires. But be prepared to pay back in some kinda way. So don't be shocked when he or she pushes your head down and tells you to get to work. And don't jerk back up looking all shocked and overly pious. Just open your mouth and get to work. Ya did it before now it's time to do it again. Bet next time you won't ask for shit. If you're okay with that then....you're just a hooker. Besides I don't want anyone asking me for shit all the time. Why would this person? That's the quickest way to make a person stop fucking with you. Don't believe me? Start begging. Folks will bounce before you fill in the blank on, "Can I have ________?"

Rule #3 Be gracious and thankful about what you do get

Last year on Valentine's day a gentleman I casually dated out of boredom ran into me at the mall. Right as I was about to pull out some hard earned dollars to buy myself some pink Air Force Ones he struck up a conversation with me. While chatting about my lack of Valentine's excitement he snuck and paid for my shoes. Awwwww utter sweetness. Did I tell the world? No. (Well now I did) I just called him. Thanked him and moved on. And I never brought it up again. Even after more dates.Why? Because continuously talking about it makes it look like you ain't never had shit. Somebody who ain't never had shit is bound to beg for more shit. Feel me???

Rule #4 Don't expect a damn thing

I am a princess.....in my on mind. I deserve the world. As a child my father cemented that thought process in me. He was also smart enough to tell me that I would have to go out in the world and get that shit for myself. Men love a hard-working woman. They will give her their last. No doubt. After two weeks of working fifty five hours I was tired as all hell. A guy friend took me out for my favorite meal, the movies, and out to my favorite martini bar for the night. As I thanked him for an amazing night with a little lip action (kissing you dirty pervs) he said, "You work hard you deserved it". "Had you been one of these lazy begging hoes I wouldn't have bought yo ass a McDouble". Harsh as phuck right? True? Yes indeedy.

Please keep in mind these rules apply to each specific situation. Class is now

Dismissed

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2011-02-14T16:36:00.000-08:00

With all the relationship drama I've had the past few......~~years~~ eff it DECADE I decided to enjoy my singledom and love of my damn self this year. No crying or feeling bad for myself just enjoying a seasonably warm day of Wisconsin weather and doing for me. A great morning of waitressing. A great afternoon of high intensity cardio and weight training. And a nice evening of laundry and blogging. Life with myself is just as fulfilling as life with a great guy. That's not something I tell myself. It is something I truly believe, but even with that being said.....

This seems oh so appropriate.....LOL

The art of the upgrade

2011-02-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

"But your dynasty ain't complete without a chief like me"

So for a lack of better things to do this morning I found myself on youtube watching music videos. Not recent hot shyt, but circa 2003-2008 type shyt. The kinda jams that made you think of an old vacation, a goofy ex, or just a different maybe happier time in your life. Lo and behold I came upon Mrs. Jigga and this video. My first thought was....

Ummm damn can I get her workout plan and.....second...

Have I ever in life upgraded a man?

Not a Hermes bag, Purple label type of upgrade, but a conscientious one. Do the men I leave in my wake leave better or worse because of me? Does my presence better or worsen his situation???

And if you get the same answer I did....by all means you are a bad ~~bitch~~ chick! So feel free to sing along LOL

Sometimes ladies....and gentlemen...we just need a reminder...

2011-02-05T15:21:00.000-08:00

It's been a rough few weeks.....and when things hit the fan sometimes we forget exactly how beautiful and great we really are.....and for those days and reasons...

Mars and Venus: Is there a good excuse???

2011-02-02T13:13:00.000-08:00

It seems lately like a lot of my blogs center around relationships. Or the lack there of. That's not all I am about, but it's the topic that always seems to rear it's ugly head into my life. I just find the relationships between men and women amazing.

I don't lump myself into categories with other women. I'm special. Not better just cut from a different cloth. I was raised the youngest and only girl. I spent my young days climbing trees with the boys. Rolling to the football games with the guys. Hanging out with my God brothers. Even now when I date men. I find more enjoyment hanging out with my guy and his friends than I do the women they are dating. It's opened my eyes to so many different things. Yet and still the male mind never fails to confuse the hell out of me.

I have a touch and go friendship with one of my exes. I have brought him up in this blog before. I refer to him as Master Manipulator. MM for short. Anyway this touch and go friendship is that way because he.....well he's him. He always wants another shot...that doesn't exist. It makes things weird. Who the hell wants a weird friendship? So I jet. Last night I called him to say hello. Give a little support for a family loss and basically just catch up. The convo was light until he blurted out the craziest thing. "I cheated on you because you were too good for me". Five seconds of silence. "And that was my way of telling you to move on without me I'm sorry".
My response? I hit the little red end button on my phone and put it back on the charger. So I sat there on the end of my bed looking bewildered. For lack of better words. Who the fuck does that?

Then of course. I called back and let him have it. I asked, "What kinda excuse was that?" Through mumbles and apologies he tried to explain hisself to no avail.

We all have excuses for what we do. I have had friends use them all: I was drunk. He doesn't do what he used to. He cheated on me. I just wanted to try this other guy out. I have a few of my own, but excuses are just that, Excuses. Until he said the realest and most honest thing he's could have let part from his lips in the nine years we've known each other.

"I mean seriously V what excuse is REALLY acceptable?. None"

So that leads me to ask you.......

Is there ever an instance where cheating is okay and acceptable? If so....when?

Random Midnight thoughts....

2011-01-30T23:01:00.000-08:00

Real love can't be turned off or on. It exists and shines forever. It may dim sometimes, but never EVER does it die out. Lust flickers off and on like club lights they will be on for awhile, but eventually the party will end. An nothing will be left but, darkness and smoke.

So what position is your light switch in?

???

2011-01-28T19:13:00.000-08:00

T-Pain's new tattoo. Ummm well He does have a point here and it's far better than the ice cream cone on Mr. Psych ward Gucci Mane's face, but no matter how you look at it....smh yall' doing too much.

The deal breaker

2011-01-28T08:51:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: I like to ask questions about relationships. I'm big into being apart of a great, loving, dedicated, faithful, and honest relationship. So I ask a lot of questions. Of almost everyone around me. Even at the age of twenty nine it amazes me on how much opinions differ. One thing remains to be true. We all have needs. Needs that if aren't met will send us looking for "the one" who can meet them. So just recently I asked my friends of facebook, "What is considered a deal breaker in relationships for you?" Me personally. I don't like a man with long hair. Well at least not longer than mine. But what is the one thing (or many) that will make you say, "Oh hell nawww" and pretend to be sick on the first date?

First let's flashback to hmmmm 1997, maybe 1998. I was a very impressionable high school student whose life revolved around my friends, school, my job, and MTV. My favorite show being The Real World. Boston to be precise. There was a black girl named, Kameelah on there that had a list of what her perfect mate would be.

It was extremely long. She wanted the best. Made sense to me. So I discussed it during bible study and sunday school with my sisterfriends. As a group we decided to make our own lists. And our Sunday school teacher would keep them until our wedding day. Needless to say....my list is still in her possession. Actually only one of us has received our list. *shrugs* I however made two copies. As the years go by I review. I noticed the things that mattered to me at 17 didn't matter at 21. Or 25. Or 29. It makes me wonder. Am I just drifting out of my idealistic stage? Or am I just settling?

So back to my facebook responses. Everyone wanted someone with a job. Or at very least an education. And that makes complete sense. I will admit that my longest relationships were with men who didn't have the same hustle and drive in the job keeping department that I had. It made for issues. Serious issues. Next was smokers. I have dated my fair share of smokers. I even momentarily became one. It is something that I don't like, but unfortunately I have learned to accept. My twenty-two year old nephew informed me that too much makeup and a woman equal to his weight or beyond is a turn-off. Some said lack of Common sense. Many women explained how a man not being able to accept their child(ren) was a no-go. I even heard things as simple as basic hygiene. And as complex as religious issues. "He doesn't have to be a church going man just open to a relationship with Jesus".

That's when I started to realize. What are deal breakers really? It's something we use to put a wall up between ourselves and another person. A reason to stop getting to know someone who for all logical reasons seems like a good person. Every person has a "flaw" something that is just a tad bit different about them. Let's just say that the men I dated chose NOT date me because I was a plus size girl. Or not date me because I was darker-skinned. Or not date me because I was a blue-collar girl. They would have all missed out on the ride and adventure that is falling in love with Valecia. I don't say that to toot my own horn, but honestly every man I have dated leaves that relationship a far better man because of my love. And just think me and these gentlemen would have missed out on a profound moment in BOTH of our lives had we stuck to the petty notion of whats's a hell no. I have dated them all. The man who wanted me to cook, clean, stay at home, and push out his babies. The man infatuated with my ass. The ex-con with seven kids. The broke southern gentleman. The jealous white boy. The Extra tall working bum. And The OCD Atheist.

All of which had a "hell no huge deal breaker" sign on them from the gate. Most girls would have ran. But I didn't I stayed for the sake of the adventure. And perhaps my desire to find the one. And even though I'm not sure if I may have found him or not I do know that being so quick to say no just might leave you alone in life.

No one is going to fit everything on my list. Not even the 2011 revised version. The goal is not to focus on what things they don't fit. But decide how important are the things/characteristics that they do fit. When you think about it. Suddenly a sexy dread doesn't sound so bad.

Butt.......

2011-01-25T15:57:00.000-08:00

Yep.....my butt is.....BIG

??

2011-01-20T16:23:00.000-08:00

So apparently your sister "almost" getting raped in the projects, allowing you to be on the news, somehow making you a viral internet video star makes you famous enough to buy ya mama a house, get some high quality indian hair and a louis vuitton bag. This is not hate...just mere...confusion

Congrats Antione Dobson you are on the come up!! You are a star!

*steps of soapbox and drops mic*

smh Hide ya kids, Hide ya wives....oh...and ya husbands cuz apparently they rapin' errybody out there!

2011-01-18T10:08:00.000-08:00

Workouts have just gotten underway and I am doing pretty good. I am busy trying to perfect this mess that is Valecia. There are so many topics I have in my head that I would love to discuss on my blog, but I have a lot on my hands right now. My emotions are all over the place so once I get myself in order I will be back 100% I will be getting to all of them each fairly soon once I start some sort of schedule and regularity to my life. As for right now I just want to post a video. That is a bit different, but means a lot to me. It speaks of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going.....have a great day everyone.

??

2011-01-13T15:13:00.000-08:00

I mean seriously??? Really?? Umm sir are you for certain??

Ahhh eff it *drops mic and walks away*

1.11.11 The Game

2011-01-11T07:22:00.000-08:00

Are you guys ready???? Cause I damn sure am....can't wait for tonight. Kettle Corn. Beater and boyshorts and my favorite California football team. Is Melanie and the baby mama gonna have drama? Are things really patched up between Kelly and Tasha? What is gonna go on??

The single girl Chronicles

2011-01-10T08:50:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: As of this Friday I am now a single woman. For all logical reasons please don't feel bad for me. These past three years went from bad to worse and being the hopeless romantic I am I believed that love will conquer all. Love does not conquer all. Common sense does. Is it somewhat painful? Yes. But it was necessary. Did I cry? Yes, but I believe that phase is quickly over. Now I'm on to the most important part. Focusing on me. The woman I lost. The woman I hope to gain. I made my fair share of mistakes. The biggest being not walking away at the first sign of chaos, lies, and deceit. I won't go into the sordid details. I will just motivate, uplift, and love what remains. ME. So I introduce my new segment: The single girl chronicles. The journey from my low point as I strive to get as high as I possibly can.

And to celebrate this new found singledom I want to dedicate a song to my ex. A song that is really helping me through this right now. My Chocolate girl Wonder followers probably remember me posting this a few weeks ago, but this live performance of the song is much better. Enjoy!

Tell me why I'm living? some days my work seems so in vain.
I talk to you, you dont here nothing I say
What's up with this game?
Why am I so forgiving?
Why am I always checking for these fools?
If he ain't hearing none of home girls rules
Why do I play?

I'd rather play alone
Oh, I can't play a fool anymore, no
No, I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you go be a zero
Ohhh, I'd rather play alone, Oh, I can't play a fool anymore
Noo, no I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you goin be a zero
I'm playing the goodbye game,

Hit the highway, call you a cab, gimme back my keys
Goodbye to baggage you ain't bagging me,
I'm gonna smile when I wave, goodbye baby
I'm gonna take the low road,
Ain't got no pride I ain't putting up fight
Get out the boxing ring it's T.K.O tonight.
walk that way,

I'd rather play alone, Oh I can't play a fool anymore
No I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you go be a zero Ohh, i'd rather play alone,
Oh, I can't play a fool anymore, No, no I don't need a game anymore
You can play the fool, i'ma play my hero, you go be a zero
I'm playing the goodbye game,

We play the game until we lose it
I'd rather leave you before I do. I'd rather say I left a cheater and be a quitter, I'm still a winner

Ohhh, Ohh sing oh oh oh oh oh Ohh Ohh if it hurt so bad say oh
Oh, Sing one more time with me,
Oh, oh, oh, I just can't say the way I feel right now
Say oh, oh
One more time, oh
i'ma play alone
Oh,I can't play the fool anymore
No, I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you gonna be a zero
I'd rather play alone, I can't play a fool anymore
I don't need a game anymore, you could play the fool
I'ma play my hero, you go be a zero
I'm playing the goodbye game

yes...We play the game until we lose it
I'd rather leave you before I do. I'd rather say I left a cheater and be a quitter, I'm still a winner

Sharing is caring???

2011-01-06T17:18:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: A few days ago I had a conversation with one of my facebook/twitter/blog pals about relationships. I love to hear the male opinion. It helps me understand them a tad bit better. After long chats with him I walk away with a little enlightment and just a bit less anger or disappointment in my own love life. This time however I walked away with that hair blown back look they so often use in the Trojan commercials. The things that come out of men's mouths are so confusing and hilarious. He informed me that he is a consistent cheater. He has almost always cheated on his mates. And informed me that if I wanted to do so as well (which I don't) that the person I was cheating with...as well as myself had to follow the cheating rules. Rules?? There are rules to cheating??? Ok I have fuckin heard it all. That led me to another thought. How I am unwilling to knowingly share a man. But deep down inside I believe we all have. So is sharing......really caring??

I live in a fairly small.....uhhh we'll call it a city. It's far bigger than a town, but it is not a metropolis by any means.As a matter of fact U.S. Census Bureau has a calculated at a whopping 199,150 sad ass people. With all that being said dating picks are very slim here. They fall into these categories: You have slept with them already, you tried to date them and they are "undateable", your family member or friend dated them, they are a hoe, or they are related to you. After you ensure that they aren't one of those five you begin to feel them out. After a few long phone conversations, (you know the great ones where you don't want to get off the phone until the sun comes up) a couple romantic dinners and movie dates you have found yourself in a relationship. An honest relationship. Congrats hun. You now have a boo.

Then the changes kick in. The routines begin to change. He never leaves his phone up anymore. His friends seem really uncomfortable around you like they are watching their words closely. Dates are canceled. Arguments ensue. And then you become.....the female Inspector gadget. With a little investigatory work you start to see things. He doesn't even show a relationship status anymore. The mutual friend you guys have on FB that refers to him as "Boo". You start to watch her statuses closely...wait a fuckin minute....she is claimin yo man....and all hell is about to break lose. Or is it? Well where I'm from not a damn thing happens. You might have a couple heated convos referring to each other as bitches and hoes. You might post a childish status that reads: "Fuck you bitch he tells you what you want to hear, but he comes home to me".It's quite common in my area to have two female friends on your status claiming to be Mrs. Bryan (hypothetical story and name yall). So without actually saying it you have both accepted that he is a shared boo. You would rather share him with "that bitch" than not have him at all. Really hun? You've just put fuel on his already blazing fire. You just told him without saying it "sharing is caring". And that he can keep fuckin off and you.....yes YOU will accept it.

So the question is...when did we begin to lower our standards so damn much? I'm not talking polyamory, or relationships that aren't deemed exclusive or serious. When did we allow Mr. Zero to think that he was such a hero that he could save every woman within a thirty mile radius and still lay in the sheets with us. Without so much as a question? When did being in a relationship become more than self respect?

Now lets get something straight. Mama aint makin' fun of you or looking down on you. I've been there. Done that. Refuse to be so low that I'm willing to do it again, but I know from experience there is a certain low you are at when you accept less than your best. I've been there. Everyone else was at fault except that person. He was not being held accountable. And until I opened my eyes and held this man accountable for his actions I wouldn't be doing myself justice.

I was raised with two older brothers. They were fifteen and seventeen when I was born. Therefore I kinda consider myself to be an only child. This has helped me be just a tad bit selfish. A trait that I will never apologize for. The person I choose to make my mate will never have to share me with another man. Therefore I refuse to share him with another woman. Is sharing caring??? Maybe for someone.You're just not caring for yourself.

recap of me......

2011-01-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

So hey sexies! How has twenty-eleven been treating you all?? I've been working on a few me projects lately and thought it would be nice to let you all in on a few:

* I'm currently fighting with myself HARDCORE about going natural. My natural hair is however a bit difficult to deal with. I am almost five months post relaxer, but I flip flop with my opinions on it so much that there is a huge chance I will relax within the next three weeks. Either way it has put me in a position to pay better attention to my hair....even if I almost never rock it.

* Next week starts my new workout regimen. Me and a couple of girls I work with decided to band together and be workout buddies. It helps me be far more accountable than I would have been alone. I don't really have a weight goal in mind. I'm aiming to just be healthier, a little more *cough* flexible, and regain some of my fine-ness that was lost behind some of this excess flab. I'm starting with thirty minutes of cardio and thirty minutes of weight training three days a week.

* I'm working on strengthening my relationship with God. It takes time. Of course not on his part. Solely on mine. I have this part time bad girl thing going on. I need to shake it ASAP. SMH.

* Scared as all get out about turning thirty in August. It just reminds me that the list of things I wanted to have accomplished by now have very few things scratched off. *shrugs* I'm working on it. In due time I guess.

* My new place. Outside of the master bedroom it is fairly empty. I need to get to antiquing, rummaging, and Ikea shopping ASAP.

* Some of my relationships are growing by leaps and bounds, others are at a stand still, and some are are malnourished and slowly dying. Time for me to get real with myself and determine what's worth keeping.

* My blogging has been ummmmm sporadic at best. Working on locking it down a bit. At least two posts a week. Can't make promises about the content though. This is my playground of expression and my thoughts are all over the place. Yep. Straight scattered.

Hope you will partake of this interesting journey with me. Until then......take care! *MUAH*

A new year........

2010-12-31T17:14:00.000-08:00

Like this picture...let all the past of 2010 wash away and begin to write a new chapter in the sand...that in 2012 we will again wash away. Let the past be the past. Look forward to the future. And relish in the present.

God Bless!
Have a happy and prosperous New Year!

Are you there God it's me Valecia

2010-12-30T09:26:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

I'm not exactly sure what I need to do to get this body, but I am more than willing to do it. Can you please help create and mold this for me please. This woman's name is Anowa Aadjah. She is referred to as the Nigerian Powerhouse. Now there is no need to make me Nigerian. I just want the body. Or one quite similar. Apparently she weighs over 200 pounds (such as myself), but we all know my body looks nothing like that. I am sure that my 5'4" stature will make this no easy feat but I am willing to work on it. Since you created me you already know that I have a little over eight months until my 30th birthday. I need to be at least 50% there by then. Asking a trainer to do this for me would be stupid. But I'm not. I'm asking you. I mean really. You are God. You can do anything. Thanks in Advance. Here's another pic to get a full understanding of what I'm looking for.

Thanks....I love you!

I Resolve????

2010-12-28T17:45:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: We all do it. We tell ourselves every year around this time that we're going to run. Become vegetarians. Stop smoking. Spend less money. Go to church every sunday and become the best person we can possibly be. I've done that every year for at least twenty of my living years. I have told myself every year since I knew what a New years' resolution was that I will lose weight. Ummmm in my defense...sometimes I do. I just don't keep it off. I lose 35 and then gain 50. *shrugs* It's all a very difficult process. I save a thousand in my savings. Then blow it all on some bull shit that when it's all said and done I can't even show you what I spent it on. Resolutions are things we tell ourselves we are going to do in the upcoming year. I'm done telling myself what I will do next. Let's just start slow. How about I just tell the fat girl in the mirror about some of the wacked out shit she did in 'da ten that won't be tolerated once the ball drops.

Things that are NOT welcome in 2011

(aka leave dat shyt at the door on 12/31/2010 at 11:59 P.M)

1. Stop losing yourself in relationships.
   Ain't nothing wrong with putting one hundred percent of yourself into your personal (friendships, romantic, and family) relationships, but when shit hits the fan (and it can AND will) you should not be standing mascara running, teary eyed, with a pill bottle in one hand and an empty bacardi bottle in the other. There is a reason these relationships started. And a reason they end. Rather than feel bad for yourself acknowledge how great you are and feel bad for the OTHER person. They may meet a lot of people before they die, but they will never EVER meet another princess. Another perfection. Another Valecia. If you really must feel a sense of loss. Quickly mourn the loss of someone in your life that wasn't fit to be there. R.I.P to the square that didn't fit your circle. You are no longer allowed to destroy yourself over a person when their are so many people who have yet to partake of the joy of knowing you.

2. Stop feeling bad for saying NO.
   You got that angry black girl facade down pat, but the fact of the matter is you let too much go to heart. If you've given all you can give and decide to tell someone NO say it and keep it moving. Don't say no and give a muthafucka an explanation. Or say no and feel bad about it. How many times has someone told you no? You think they nappy headed asses lost sleep about it? Hmm....all signs point to NO!!!

3. Stop belittling yourself.
   No. You don't call yourself ugly. (Because that would be a flat out crime and sin) you do however wake up with just enough time to shower, jump your still half-wet un-lotioned body into work clothes, wash face, brush teeth, and bounce. Just barely making it to work. Standing at the bus stop with your foot half in your shoe. No eyeliner, no mascara, no lip gloss. Wig still needing some adjusting (but we'll take care of that at work in the bathroom). Looking like plain Jane's......older sister. Or worse. Her mama. After work coming home and changing into a holey pair of sweats, with matching holey tank top and let's not forget every black woman's favorite possesion......the infamous silk night scarf. And before you know it, you're headed to bed. Only to start the perpetual cycle of hot mess-ness for a new day. No one is going to love someone who doesn't love themselves. Stop acting like Hot mess when it's quite obvious you are Hot-ness.

4. Stop being the victim.
   You know the motto. You don't have time to wait for things to happen to you...when you're making things happen.


I could have added a lot of shit. And not meant it. Like stop drinking. Stop eating red meat. The harsh reality is. The things in this list might be a hell of a lot harder to do than that. Whatever happens the tears and negativity that wrapped so much of this past year is being dropped. Thrown to the side to never be picked up again. A new adventure awaits. Blessings........

Chrisette Michele - Goodbye Game

2010-12-25T17:03:00.000-08:00

Not sure why this hit my heart today, but it just touched me on an already emotional day, during an extra emotional moment. I love Chrisette. Her voice is soooo real and heartfelt.

I'm playing the Goodbye Game........

That's what Christmas means to me my love..........

2010-12-24T06:56:00.000-08:00

Wishing you and your family a Happy Holidays

Line 1.

2010-12-22T16:43:00.000-08:00

The phone......*ahem* the mobile phone. One of the best creations ever made. I won't lie I damn near live and die by my ability to use my blackberry. If I put my hand in my purse and I don't immediately feel it my temperature sky rockets. I like the majority of cell phone owners am addicted to the connectedness that comes with mobile access. I can text, chat, BBM, video chat, Facebook, tweet, and all kindsa shit. My ability to remain in constant communication with the world is endless. I can connect with anyone. ANYONE. The world wide web coupled with the cool things these new fangled phones do is pure heaven for sneaky people and cheaters. The internet and a phone doesn't make a good person a cheater. It does however make a cheater a better and much more sneaky one. So with all that in mind.....I asked a few friends (by text of course).....

If you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/boo/sex thang traded phones for twenty four hours would you still have a girlfriend/boyfriend/boo/sex thang?

A few of my friends responded with the happy cheery...."oh but of course". Those are the kinds of responses that made me roll my eyes and almost throw my blackberry. You know what I'm saying. Those are the responses I got from girls whose men ain't about shit. You know we all got a friend with a sorry ass man. She knows it. Hell, the world knows it. But she expects you to pretend like he's reformed and pretend like he's a stand-up guy. Those responses......I all out ignored. Then the REAL responses came. Some said yes....and I believed them. My married friend said her and her husband sometime mistakenly take the wrong phones in the morning. And never has she had an issue. No passwords hidden. No locks. No nothing. And then there were other answers, "Hell no! All my girls think they the only one" said one of my whorebag male friends.

The most interesting response came from a coworker. She informed me that her boyfriend isn't even "allowed" to own a cell phone.

That's when I gave the WTF face.

This required more than a back and forth text rapport. This was damn near a face to face interview. Or at least an after work drink session the next day. So over Linguini and Strawberry Limoncello Martinis she explained herself. " He isn't allowed to talk to bitches" she stated. "What does he need to have female friends for?" I already knew it was a question I need not answer. She controlled the relationship and his ability to go any further than 100 feet from his house or job. But she wasn't a saint. Her list of male suitors were lined around the block.

I won't lie. I thought hmmm seems like a good idea. But honestly what real warm blooded brother (or man of any race) is really okay with being strapped with crazy rules and regulations. Honestly what woman of maturity and normal functioning brain capacity would be okay trying to set those kinds of restrictions on a man? Trust is a questionable thing. I don't toy with it. It's fragile. In today's day in age trust and relationship boundaries are far more gray than than the black and white way that seemed so much easier. On one side unshakeable trust makes an unshakeable relationship. But then again when did having a romantic relationship with someone mean that was an end to any possible personal space? I'm sure my booski wouldn't be pleased at EVERYTHING in my phone. Or me with his, but that's why my phone is mine. And his is his. So...who knows what would happen if we switched phones. I just know for now......we won't.

If you don't........get in the corner!!

2010-12-18T18:13:00.000-08:00

I'm just having one of them days yall' I wanna tell a few people this. I know there's consequences and repercussions to stuff like that, but I mean if it don't get said.....these folks are gonna keep walkin' around thinking being a dummy is ok...these words speak to the masses if they hurt a little don't say anything to me. Simply straighten up and fly right.

I am a server. The old school term is waitress. That does in no way or language translate to slave. If I'm busy and sweat is pouring down my face Do not. I repeat do not ask me to go get little Bethany a red crayon because she doesn't like orange ones. Do I look like the mutha *bleepin* crayon wrangler??? That's the kinda thing that will make my curly wig stick straight!! Here's a corner take a seat!!!

So I am "friends" with this former plus size porn star on facebook. Apparently she has changed her doggystyle ways, lost weight, and has a WHOLE lot on her mind now! Seems like she forgot who she was. You don't have a gang load of friends on FB because you're a super cool popular chick. You have friends because you used to do PORN sweetie! PORN!!! Ummmm girl please only two years ago you were eating 16 double whopper's with bacon before doin' the Akinyele (aka puttin it in ya mouth) on camera. Now you're talking about black women can't keep men because they are fat and sloppy and ranting and raving about women being hoes?? I mean seriously?? Obviously your mind set ain't very *cough* Crystal Clear! *throws her a dvd* here's a refresher of what you used to be bae!! Go watch that in the corner!!

Relationships are never easy. But if you find someone you truly love no matter what you're going through you should constantly show them that you love them. If not the next person will. Give them the good on the regular. Or the next person will. Compliment or the next person will. You have been warned. You could either cum with someone you love by choice or cum alone because you have NO other option. Ugh Go sanitize your hands and get in the corner!

Don't complain about what you can fix. Fix it or wallow in the despair that is that situation. One of my co-workers goes on and on about how horrible her *cough* (oooh I hate this term) "baby daddy" is. They are almost NEVER together, he doesn't actually "live" with her he's just there to watch the baby (yeah right), he hasn't had a job since 2007, and even then he was only the weed salesmen. Now with all the whining what does lil' miss do??? She gets knocked up again!! Ummm to the corner you go!!!

*Locks door with the dummies inside* wonder how long it will take for them to kill each other with their stupidity?? *walks off*

I've been missing you............

2010-12-17T13:55:00.000-08:00

I know *extends hand for light hand spanking* I've been a bad blogger. However in my defense I have been working like a Hebrew slave, I moved, and I just got internet access to the trusty PC again. I will make every effort to NOT take this long ever again between entries. So.....enough groveling on my part. Let me recap my life!

* I am in love with my new gorgeous two bedroom (very empty) apartment. Everything is falling into place bit by bit. It took no adjustment to walk in. I immediately felt like I was at home. I finally got something I wanted and deserved. Valecia: 1 Disappointment: 0

* The braids are out. I have been contemplating and playing with the idea of going natural. I am currently four months post. Not sure what to do next. So many options. So many possibilities.

* 244 days, 5858 hours, and 351496 minutes until I turn 30. I have a workout regimen to begin. A career to chase. And a destiny to fulfill. Hope you follow in the meantime.

* Work. Slinging pancakes as always. Looking gorgeous in the process.

* Beginning to work on my book. Yes my book. It's a dream I've had since I was a child. Time to fulfill it.

Nicki and Em-Roman's Revenge

2010-10-31T12:06:00.000-07:00

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly excited about the release of Nicki Minaj's first album, "Pink Friday". Yeah in ways I am sooo over her, but this track right here brought me back to life. I don't know what it is; the beat, the punch in the flow or just Em alone (cause honestly Mr. Shady can do NO wrong), but whatever it may be it has me reluctantly on the bandwagon again. Waiting with baited breath for November 22nd. ~~Even thinking about rocking pink toes and fingers on release date.~~ Eff I'm thinking....I'm just gonna do it. LOL Anyway without further chatter check out Roman's Revenge:

Confessions of a bitter Bitch: Should fatties get a room??? My response to the Marie Claire article

2010-10-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I am not all that fashion forward. I purchase magazines that represent women like me. Like me meaning: African-American, young, working-class, and plus-sized. In my humble opinion Marie Claire doesn't represent the woman I am....therefore I don't purchase it. I do however feel a need to respond to what I consider is an attack on my person and persons like myself. I am aware everyone has an opinion, but that seems pretty effed up and hurtful. So I have no choice, but to respond.

First and foremost if you have no clue what I'm talking about please read this first.

Marie Claire's Mike and Molly Article

First I'm not sure who irritates me more in this situation. CBS for making this show, Mike and Molly which isn't a look into the romance of an overweight couple, but merely a vaguely veiled excuse to make fun of plus-sized people. Or Ms. Maura Kelly who simply described the overweight population as lazy asses who have put forth absolutely no effort to change their lifestyles. Or should I be mad at Marie Claire for printing this BS for the world to see? Eff it. I'm mad at all three. So let me break it down into sections.

CBS

It would be one thing if you chose to make this a romantic drama or something worth watching, but a couple that meets at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting??? ummm seriously?? Filled with fat jokes??? are you serious?? Maybe ideas like this is the reason why I stopped watching CBS in like......the late eighties. This is a complete fail on your part. 97.1 Million people in the United States Of America are overweight. I'm sure out of that large number of people you are poking fun at one is at the very least the son, daughter, mother or father of someone on that set. Hell we know there is at least two overweight characters on set already. The two who chose to take the leading roles *rolls eyes* and I can't possibly begin to imagine what they were thinking. Well CBS I'm disappointed with you, but then again I don't really expect that much from you anyway. I'm not quite sure why I even acknowledged you. This either won't make it to the lineup or will be off the air quicker than you can say Walker Texas Ranger.

Ms. Maura Kelly

I'm confused as to why I even found this on your blog. From the side excerpt explaining it this blog was made solely for you to catalog your search for love. It also read that you are in your thirties and have never been in love. Hmmm I wonder why??? What does berating people have to do with you finding someone?? My fat ass has never had to catalog my lack of love life and datelessness. Wanna know why??? Because that has never been the case for me. I've always been wanted. Even if it was the wrong damn guy. I never searched for love. It came to me because I am a good, uplifting, positive kind hearted person. I care about the feelings of others and respect people's differences. Whether I weighed 185 or 265. There is some young beautiful plus size teenager who read those words and you could have very well crippled her self-esteem. I think what really rubbed you the wrong way was seeing two fat people kissing and in love. While you watched the episode while picking at a salad with no dressing, doing tricep dips on a chair and squats during commercials......ALONE. I understand health is important, but open your eyes. Everyone is supposed to be different. No one has to meet your requirements. And if I must say so myself I may be fat, but I look a hell of a lot better than you. According to all the comments left for you on your blog I'm sure the hurtful things said to you stung, but not as much as what you wrote. Maybe before you turn forty you'll get it right until then....I'll just pray for you.

Marie Claire

If you are looking for new and exciting ways to ruin your readership keep Maura Kelly around, but if you want to tap into the wide market of overweight women and our hard earned dollars you need a new approach. Shame on you for giving such a bigoted woman an outlet to spew her BS.

*steps down off her soapbox* So readers tell me what you think of her. Do you agree with her? I do understand everyone has an opinion I am just really turned off by her use of words.

Weather, NOTW, and other randomness

2010-10-26T15:51:00.000-07:00

So as we all know I broke up with my nail salon. Our tumultuous relationship ended when he could no longer produce the quality I so strongly desired....soooooo...I checked out another place. For the most part they did a fairly decent job. But the fact that I was the only chick in the salon minus the people that work there was a little strange to me. "Why yall jiggas ain't got no customers?" I was thinking in my hood girl mind voice. So far I give them a C. Can't quite explain why. They just didn't wow me. And it's a recession honey. For me to open my wallet and give you these hard earned waitress duckets the wow factor better be there. (And yes I did just use the term duckets, lol) So my NOTW (Nail Of The Week) is a color thats been hiding in my cabinet for about a year now. Worn maybe twice *shrugs* but it is the hotness........

China Glaze Tempest

a blue-silverish purple

It's a cute color, but then again not my signature color. I'm still in search and I'm not giving up. I actually wish I could find OPI's "You don't know Jacques" (The Suede Version), but *sigh* alas I think that was just a beautiful game played on me. I think that was Limited Edition. *sad face*

Tomorrow I go sign the paperwork on my new place. So excited I wanna scream. I actually contemplated buying a new outfit to go there in. Don't laugh I didn't. I simply said contemplated.

If I haven't spoke a lot on it I live in Wisconsin. A nice place to live, but I have one huge complaint. Our weather. It's like sex. There's the nice, sweet, playful kind. The rough kind. And then the straight up rape. At 5:55am I left the house this morning to sixty degree weather and light rain. I didn't complain hell, it felt great. And I absolutely love rain, especially when the droplets were soothing the pain of my braids slightly pulling at my poor scalp. By 6:40 am wind was whipping at my face and I had been caught in a pretty damn hard rainstorm. By the time I left work at 2:00 pm. I t was a very windy, and a cold fifty degrees and a tornado had touched down just a mile from my job. Weather rape. The worst kind. Yet you will be a regular victim if you live in the Dairy state. Fall is tipping it's hat in these parts. And is making room for the dreaded winter. I just hope our move is done before the snow hits *fingers crossed*

I have 1000 blog topics floating in my head. Just have to get my thoughts together be patient with me. *muah*

Memories brought to you by Pandora.....

2010-10-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

So as I headed to work this morning..Pandora played this little Gem for me Eagle eye cherry- "Save Tonight"......oh the late 90's.....how I miss you so.

b-b-braided up

2010-10-25T15:32:00.000-07:00

Kinda like tatted up...only I can remove this ishhh whenever I's gets ready!

well I like them...correction love them, but ummm they kinda hurt a bit AND it took too long for an on the go chick like me AND I am NOT looking forward to taking these mamacitas out in January (That is if I keep them in that long).

I'm moisturizing my hair with my hodge podge concoction of ingredients all pushed into one spray bottle: Wave Nouveau Moisturizing Lotion, EVCO, Lavender JBCO, Grapeseed Oil, Herbal Essences Long Term Relationship Leave-in Conditioner, Peppermint Oil and Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine Leave-in Conditioner It smells like heaven....hopefully all that moisture is making my hair underneath feel like butter. This will be the look until the new year...maybe. After that???? Another Sew-in perhaps??? The Halley's Curls Candy Curls has been calling my name, but we'll see until then..

LOve, Peace, and Hair Grease..lol

Family Matters.

2010-10-23T14:57:00.000-07:00

I am not family-oriented. It's sad, but it's an honest statement. I don't have an unwavering bond with my family. Not like some. I mean we aren't strangers either, but I see the family bond quite differently from most. "Family is simply friends God picked for you", is what I would normally say. And honestly I truly believe it. The closest bond I have is with my mother. A relationship that with time has become strained and stretched to it's maximum. We are both stubborn, and headstrong and though we both love each other we can not and will not ever see eye to eye. It is what it is. I don't even know if I want to change it. I'm happy living this life semi-secluded. The older I get the bigger the wedge is in our relationship. My mother has changed. Drastically and not for the better. Don't get it twisted. She doesn't have a chemical dependency or anything. I just really, really dislike the person she has become. And rather than boost her show's ratings by sticking around and watching. I rather turn the TV off and let that shit get canceled. Soooo..... does that make ME a bad person?

.....love-whipping???? LOL

2010-10-20T04:16:00.000-07:00

Between this.....

and this........

Little black girls and their hair are having the best week ever!!

I love it !!!

What's going on.....

2010-10-16T15:27:00.000-07:00

So I've been blabbing so much about whatever has been on my mind lately that I haven't just updated about the "joy" that is my life.

*So the sew-in has been released from my head. LOL. I enjoyed it, but next time we'll upgrade the hair. I'm sure you're slightly confused by the pic to your right. No I did not chop my hair off and resort to a Teeny weeny afro. My hair is merely hiding in a ponytail and getting a bit of moisture and rest before it goes into micros next week. Pretty excited about the braids. I am however NOT excited about sitting on my ass for eight hours or more to get them done. But as I've posted before we all know Valecia is not a real fan of her own hair. I get excited to tuck it away, but I also get excited to see it's progress. *shrug*

* Ask the booskie I own a LOT of MAC Cosmetics. I mean an awful damn lot. But currently I'm in love with the Maybelline Natural Smokes Smokey Quad. (Used in the pic on the right) Who figured? I'm sure I could have saved a pretty penny had my makeup addiction started in the drug store first. Lately that's all I wear anyway.

*My current addiction is China Glaze Frostbite. Seeing that my life damn near revolves around working at the pancake house I thought it was cute that my nails matched my uniform. It was cute in the summer. Now I'm looking for a darker fall color. And I'm kinda mad at myself for not rocking for Audrey this spring/summer when I had the chance. Hmm.... any rustic fall color suggestions ladies? Also nail related....I'm breaking up with my nail salon. You may remember this haven of nail drama from my post Confessions of a bitter bitch: The Nail Salon Edition on my last visit they did a extra scandalous half-assed job!! Mr. Old ass man did my nails this time. *sigh* he had the audacity to do my design while gabbing on the phone in some language unbeknown to me. That's service??? Not to mention I wasn't happy with the design. I can't stay where I'm not happy. So the break up was inevitable. Hmm like all relationships I'm sure he'll miss me when I'm gone.

* Fall is gorgeous isn't it?? Beautiful colors, cool, crisp, but not yet blistering cold. Pumpkins, apples, squash, brussel sprouts (laugh if you want to, but get the best sprouts this time of year), cute fall sweaters, and boots. This is also the time of year where I spend a bit more time in my beloved Starbuck's...lol Everything looks pretty in the fall. Even the hood. LOL. As seen in the above pic.

* Speaking of the hood..... Adios BITCHES!!!! The place Booskie and I wanted the most we were accepted for!!! I was so excited I cried. Literally. Big fat crocodile grown woman cry baby ass tears. I'm sooo ready to leave this crappy apartment. The new place is near my job, so much nicer, closer to my mom (without being too close), and.......close to the mall LOL. Due to the 30 day evacuation rules, guidelines and blah, blah, blah we can't move until December 1st. It's a bit of a wait till move day, but I see the mountain top. :) It's pretty fuckin' pricey. I mean I gotta sell a lot of fuckin pancakes for this bad boy, but it's worth it. Now the question is......whose hiring for holiday employees??? LOL

Throwback Thursday

2010-10-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

In high school I was the token fat girl. Cute, funny and somewhat.....mean. But I had a fashion sense like none other. I rocked the grunge look. The B-girl look. The Diva look. I looked damn good everyday. The flyest fat girl J.I.Case High had seen. But ya know what?? I didn't have a lick of self-confidence. I had some girls in my clique that were lighter than me and quite questionable in attractiveness. Guys loved them. Fat, skinny, homely, smart, dumb as rocks, etc. I assumed it was because I was a dark girl. A black ass girl to be exact. It put a dent in my already low self-esteem. And then....foxy brown came out.

She was pretty, chocolate, sexy and just two years older than me. And every word that dripped off the "Ill Na Na" album were my freshman through sophomore. Something about that album made me walk taller, strut a little more and feel a little better about my dark chocolate self. The one that put the biggest sway in my step was.....

"Love thyself put no one above thee 'cuz ain't no body gon' love me like me"

The Grown folks Chronicles: If you don't stop lying....

2010-10-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: "I can't stand a liar and a thief", is one of the many repeated statements I heard from my mother as a child. I guess with time not only did it become obvious to me that she had a really good point, but I too began to live that motto. I can't stand to hear someone lie. Especially about shhh that they have no real reason to lie about. You know what I mean. The kind of lies that as soon as they finish the statement you give them that side eye and twist your lips and say, "Really?" when you wanna say, "Bitch stop lying". If you have a bit of tact you control yourself and simply think it. On a rather gutter hood day you may even speak it. But either way the shhh is very, very unnecessary. It causes you to tense your face up. You usually look something like this sista on the right. Which leads me to one lie I am soooo tired of hearing........

"Ugh that's nasty I don't go down"

I better not hear this come out of the mouths of anyone over the age of twenty-five who considers themselves to be partaking of a healthy and normal sex life. I just can't stand to hear this mess so stop. You mean to tell me that something that has been going on before cars existed and phones rang you don't do? Something was okay for your Big Mama and Paw Paw to get down with, but you're too good for it??? Trust me fellatio and cunnilingus (look it up boo!) is ancient. Don't believe me???

Men learn a little something.....

See???

Ladies get off that damn high horse....

Not to mention with a world as hyper sexual as ours who feels the need to hide such things? If you rather not divuldge of your sexual antics and prowess that's one thing, but to front like you're too good to take one for the team and drop to your knees???....*rolls eyes* child please. The fact is what you do is just that. What you do. But some of you just aren't going about it right.

Case #1

A former co-worker (we will call him Dante) worked with me at the local Supercenter back in the day. He was tall, southern, dark chocolate, somewhat attractive (in a Young Buck kinda way), early to mid thirties, and cornrows (the cornrows for me is an immediate no-go) he made it very clear (as sex was the normal conversation at work amongst blue collar employees) that he didn't go down on women. It wasn't that he was picky about the women he tongued down. He just flat out refused to go there. He also lived in his married cousin's basement. Well like all new meat he got passed around "ho-mart" and the female consensus was all the same......"ehh.... you can have him" From what I gathered his D-game was mediocre to okay. And his request for females to drop to their knees was not taken kindly. "But if he would have licked it...I might have called him back", was the response I got from my female co-workers who dared to test drive him. And because he didn't he stayed his grown ass in another grown ass man's basement. I wonder did the sounds of his cousin getting it in with his wife regularly ruin his sleep. LMAO.

Case #2

I must be honest. At 21 I was a college junior, full-time employed, had a cute little Cavalier (smh yeah I know), and my own apartment. By all means I thought I was the ishhh. Somehow I became entangled in a relationship with man thirteen years my senior. He had a body like an Adonis, but enough kids for his own basketball team with two subs on the bench. He lived with his mama and watched 106th and Park like he was on the JV football squad. For all logical reasons he was a loser and we weren't even close to being on the same level. But he gave me the tongue lashing of a lifetime and he couldn't get rid of my ass for years. And dammit I was more than willing to reciprocate. The sex to me was spectacular (then), but of course I was twenty-one and didn't know any better. Now I look back on it as mediocre sex. But spectacular head. Apparently it was so good it all just kinda mushed into one good event.

See what I mean?? See how much head can make a difference??

Enough about those that straight up do or don't and are honest about it.

If you don't your sexual life will never be as fulfilling as it could be. Fight me on it if you want, but the truth is the damn truth. If you do then.....keep doing it. Just please be selective.

Now to those that do and lie. Ummm why? No one believes you. I mean no one. Not even your minister, a judge, hell yo mama and Jesus don't believe you. So just admit it. It's not about telling your business. It's about being honest. It's not necessary to say, "I suck better than Lethal Lipps". You could just keep your fucking mouth closed. No grown ass man/woman has to deny what they do behind closed doors. And as my gram used to tell me..

"If you gotta lie about it you ain't got no business doing it"

Get Big Remix

2010-10-13T16:16:00.000-07:00

I must admit I was NOT effin' with Dorrough until I heard Get Big....but the Remix??? Yeah Baby!!!

Day 30

2010-10-12T18:07:00.000-07:00

Your favorite song

I have many many many favorite songs, but when I tried to think it through this came to mind first.....

Fragile by Miss Chrisette Michele feat. Wale

I think it safely describes my take on love, dating, and relationships.

Day 29

2010-10-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

In this past month, what have you learned

communication is the key. When I stopped yelling and getting belligerent things started going my way a bit more.
I have one of the greatest traits in life. I bounce back easy. I don't let anything get me down. For long.
I have a tendency to want to argue a person down when they are wrong. This month I did something that's normally not me and it worked. I ignored the @#$% the ishhh out this chick and that got my point across much quicker. LOL. That broad wanted to pull a serious Justin Timberlake (aka cry me a river) and that's exactly how it should be.
That loving Valecia is a full-time job. I can't expect anyone to take it on, but me. Punching in at times is rough, but the check is so fulfilling.

Day 28

2010-10-09T17:53:00.000-07:00

A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

October 2009

I have seen a year of heartbreak, tears, falling down, picking myself up and redemption. The woman I was twelve months ago is quite actually the SAME woman I am today. Just with a little bit more of a story to tell. My experiences are like that of any other young woman. I have learned in this year that I have the hardest shell at times, but I am a very emotional being. I will give my all, but when I give up. I give up.

As far as the slightly trivial. In this past year I have been Suze Orman "god-like" with my finances. Not a day of struggle, need or want. Even when I was trudging in the cold and snow last winter in public transportation my bank account was bigger than it had been in like....EVER!

I will say the girl in the above picture is a bit healthier than the one pictured below. November of last year is when my doctor diagnosed me with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) I must admit since then I haven't done much to make my life in connection to this "issue" easier. I didn't ask about possible hormonal medications or start a weight loss regimen to subside some of my symptoms. I just continued to live my life. Ignoring it. Needless to say that hasn't made the situation better. I have actually gotten heavier. I'm working on those issues. I's all about self-control and drive.

Other than that. The girl above and below are truly blessed. Every good or bad thing that has taken place in my life these past twelve months has only made me that much more stronger, better, smarter, and beautiful for the next 12 months. So to respond in my normally twisted way. How have I changed in the past year???
By leaps and bounds. But yet very very little.

October 2010

Cee-Lo.

2010-10-08T08:30:00.000-07:00

LMAO Cee-Lo Green is da ishhhh and this video is too! Only this man could sing a eff you song that is this pleasant.

"Although there's pain in my chest I still wish you the best, but Fuck you"

Day 27

2010-10-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

I love to blog. Honestly I do. But sometimes I run out of ideas or I get in front of the computer and forget the kick arse idea that I came up with just hours ago at work. Then my blogging goes from daily, to weekly, to monthly and that is not good. I did the 30 day challenge to keep myself on a schedule (though I didn't stick to it the way I would have liked) . It has allowed me to be more consistent with my blogging. And be consistent with a purpose. And I have taken time to get all my thoughts and blog ideas ready for after these thirty days are over. It has really helped. I suggest all bloggers do it.

Day 26

2010-10-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

What you think about your friends

I love my friends I wish we were closer, but then again the space between us makes it that more enjoyable when we do spend time together or talk together. We have all grown into different women with very different points of view. But that's what makes us so interesting.

In search.......

2010-10-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

I have been on the hunt for the perfect apartment for weeks. Grrrrr.....it has NOT been easy whatsoever. With my sad little car going to car heaven after only owning it for four effin' months I am now clean across town from my beloved job and family at the pancake house. The beau wants a crazy amount of space. I want quiet and a peaceful neighborhood. Or at least where police are close-by and willing to come in seconds...not hours. And.....in our price range. Being a waitress is.....so topsy turvy. I can make an arse-load today and just enough for a fill and design tomorrow. So it's easier for me to say I make ehhh about $500.00 a week. But it scares the beelzebub out of me to pay $600.00 for rent or more. I know you're thinking Huh??? But what about after the holidays when everyone is broke and no one wants to eat in restaurants...will I be able to pay then? I have never bitten off more than I can chew. But it's far time to NOT have a crappy, subpar, or even okay apartment. It's time splendid grandiosity I'm just scared to get over my head it in all. So the search continues and .......we're down to the wire.

Day 25

2010-09-30T10:58:00.001-07:00

What I would find in your bag (this line make no sense to me)
I assume they meant what you would find in my bag

1. Orbit gum
2. Maybelliene Falsies Mascara in Blackest Black
3. Rimmel Special Eyes Eyeliner Pencil in Black Magic
4. My work keys and swipe card
5. My Black berry
6. My pink ear buds
7. wallet
8. Blistex Complete Moisture (heavenly)

Day 24 (sorry for the delay work has been kicking my arse)

2010-09-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

A letter to your parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

So twenty-nine years after giving birth to your little dark chocolate drop I hope you're as proud as you were that day. I'm fully aware that I was a handful or even two handfuls, but I'm so glad that things worked out exactly the way they did.

Dad

I am so glad that I had the time I did with you. Those six years were the best of my life. Our family was far from conventional, but a family is what we were nonetheless. I remember when you would dress up like Santa Clause and embarrass the daylights out of me, by giving dollars to all the neighborhood kids. I would cringe. But the kids loved you. So many of them were missing a father in their life. I was lucky and didn't even know it. Now I see what greatness I had. Even in the short six years we were together before God took you away, you showed me how I should be treated, and what kind of man to look for. You will always be the number one man in my life. I love you with all my heart.

Mom

We are so much alike, but so different. We annoy each other to no end, but no one on this earth has my back like you. You give unrequested advice. You push your opinions on me. And you're almost always digging off in my business. It boils my blood and I thank you for it everyday. After dad died things got rough. Really rough. But we made it together through it. And we can make it through anything. I remember the year after dad died you left for work one morning headed to work. It was five and you headed out into the dark cold winter to walk across town to work. As soon as you locked the door behind me I came to a scary epiphany. You were all I had left. I put on my winter gloves, scarf, hat, grabbed the meat cleaver and my coat. I followed behind you for five blocks. Keeping a blocks distance. It was solely my job now to protect my mother. And I was going to do it. Suddenly you turned around. In the midst of the snow, dark, and distance you knew it was me. "Valecia I'll be fine now go home and don't be late for the bus", you yelled. Maybe it was just your motherly intuition or just how well we we're in sync with each other. So I turned and ran back home. Small events like that have taken place my entire life. We will always be each others' number one cheerleaders'. Remember when we used to lcok each other out of the house for fun? Or the hiding game? LOL. Thanks for being my best friend. I am forever indebted. You are truly the greatest.

Day 23

2010-09-23T21:42:00.000-07:00

Something you crave for a lot

This one was pretty hard so I had to ask my booskie to name something I craved. Initially I wasn't going to use his answer because I thought of all the negative connotations that come along with it, but then I realized. It's the truth. And a part of who I am. Soooo......

I crave attention.

Not look at me my clothes are too tight, my cleavage is too much type attention. I was my father's only daughter (that we know of lol) and I was always his princess. I was my mom's only child so....of course I was her princess. I treat myself like.....you guessed it..a princess. So Ms. Princess Valecia expects that same treatment from the man I love. I'm not a whiner. I'm not all high and mighty with my behaviorisms. But I will pout a bit if I don't get the proper amount of hugs, kisses, and cuddle time that I feel I need daily. I don't consider it to be a bad thing. And I won't stop it. It's far better than me craving cheeseburgers or crack. And far less expensive or self-destructive. Yes *stands up* my name is Valecia and I crave attention. Admitting it is the first step. But then again I never want to change. Everyone wants to know they are loved. I'm no different. I just want my assurance...daily.

Throwback Thursday

2010-09-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

I am a music freak. Most importantly and R & B freak. I can attach a song to almost every important part of my life. Exes. College. Jobs. Friends. It all is connected to a song. So I thought what better way to go down memory lane than start a new feature simply entitled, "Throwback Thursday". Now this isn't the 106th and Park tacky ass Throwback Thursday. This just a time to reflect on some of the best music and times of my life with my followers. Well the first TT goes to one of my faves RL (from the 90's R & B group NEXT). I recently just started following his very sexy arse on twitter and it reminded me how great his music was. That lead me to pick this video.

June 1, 2002 I moved into my very first apartment. I lived in a third floor studio in old historic set of gorgeous apartments. I felt so....confident. Between my car, new apartment, pending junior year of college, and full-time job I felt unstoppable against the world. I still had a lot to learn, but at THAT moment I was on top of the world. Almost every night that summer I would step out on my fire escape merlot in hand and listen to Midnight Love on BET (if you're old enough you know, if not don't bother). One warm summer night there was a thunderstorm, but I sat out there anyway....I turned around to see this beautiful video and song.

By the time the video was over my face was mixed with raindrops and teardrops and since I have been in love with him and this song.....Throwback Thursday. RL. Good Man. *sigh* Real Music.

Day 22

2010-09-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

What makes you different from everyone else

Hmmmm what an interesting post topic. This seems so easy. Yet the most difficult one yet. What makes me different??? The answer is hard to communicate. The same things that make me different are also the same things that make me the same.

I'm a woman that has aimed for the stars and in my humble opinion landed right on the grass. At the age of nineteen I was a journalism major with dreams of being "bigger than Oprah". Fast forward ten years later and I'm a waitress that is literally bigger than oprah. And as earth shattering as that may have been to my ego it hasn't stopped me. I don't do what I want to do. I do what needs to be done.

I'm nice. I'm a bitch. I'm very serious. I'm a goofball. I'm a hardworker. I'm lazy. I'm a lover. And a fighter. I live a working woman's life, but I have an aristocrats mind. The first person you ask for honest and good advice, but the last person to take my own. I am a plethora of things all at once. An anomaly if you will.

What makes me different from everyone else?? The fact that I'm the same as each and every person I meet. No matter how different you all may be.

Day 21

2010-09-22T18:35:00.000-07:00

A picture of something/someone that makes you happy

My little cousin Kosheda .I am so proud of her. She is currently studying elementary education in Alabama and she is is the sunshine of my life. Honestly I am blessed to have a little cousin like her and hate the idea of being so far away from my favorite person on earth. I love the fact that somewhere down the line in her past twenty years some of my funny cynical, sarcastic ways have grown on her. However she is still a sweetheart. Kind and goodhearted as the day she was born. Now if some of that could rub off on me.

The Countdown to 30.......

2010-09-21T12:58:00.000-07:00

So I have discussed it many times before. Just last month I celebrated my 29th birthday. The great years of careless twenties are almost behind me. As my thirties loom around the corner in just a mere:

332 days
10 months, 29 days
47 weeks (rounded down)
7968 hours
478,080 minutes
28,684,800 seconds

Yes I went into THAT much detail to discuss my fear of the looming three oh. I've come to the conclusion lately that with such an exciting and scary milestone coming I need to re-evaluate my princess-like ways. When thirty comes knocking I don't want to look anything like it. So it's time adjust my health. Time for healthy hair, skin, body, positive vibes, and just an all-around better view of things....So welcome to my new feature "The Countdown". As I strive to use this section to discuss my fears, emotions, and changes and I head toward a new stage of life. Because contrary to what Jay-Z said thirty is NOT the new twenty. Thirty is the same old damn thirty.

Day 20

2010-09-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Our lives together have NOT been easy. Actually loving him has been one of the most difficult pleasures I have ever had in my life, but the ride has been sooooo exciting, so nervewrecking, so painful, and soooooooo worth it. Some days I wonder if there is anything about us that is even slightly compatible. Then there are days when I wonder if anyone else in the world will get me like he does. He puts the brightest smile on my face and I only pray it lasts.

July 2008

We are so different and such major opposites that we frustrate each other to no end, but when we come together we are a force that nothing in this world can penetrate.

His creativity and easy going ways.

My black and white business view

His psychotic cleanliness

My uncontrollable messiness

He plays hard

I work hard

But.....

when it all comes together we have something special

even when the relationship seems at it's very last thread one thing still remains

our....

love.

August 2010

Day 19

2010-09-20T19:26:00.000-07:00

Nicknames you have; why do you have them

My name is Valecia. I generally like to go by that. At work I'm V. I became V simply because the generally manager (five years ago) hired me and couldn't say my name to save his life. So I became V. It stuck and I kinda like it. I'm occasionally called Baby, sweetpea, or whatever cute names we throw at each other at work, but all in all I'm Valecia. Vernedia and Jessie's baby daughter.

Day 18

2010-09-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

Plans/dreams/goals you have

Honestly the plans I had for my life at 19 are far different from those I have now at 29. Now rather than all the grandeur my goals are rooted in a sense of normalcy.

Marry the love of my life. I don't need the wedding march, a cathedral of people, or that symbolic (unnecessary) white dress. Just me and the man I love.
A middle class income. Being a part of the working class blows large chunks of hail ice!!!! I work six days a week just to sleep soundly knowing all my bills are paid.
Just One baby. I am on a constant day to day battle with my PCOS (which I will discuss in a later blog). A battle that if I don't win will inevitably leave me childless. That's a scary thought. I want a family. Bitch or no bitch I'd be an excellent mother.
Find happiness. Not on the street. In finances. Or even in a man. But right in the mirror. Total. Complete. Never ending happiness. Found right within my own self.

I mean really......

2010-09-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

I know I'm kinda late on this, but hell this is my blog and please believe in this part of the galaxy no matter how late my opinion counts. Okay maybe I'm not fashion forward enough. Or maybe it's that Lady Gaga annoys the effin daylights out of me. Ugh. Like seriously just irritating. She's the girl in high school I would have attempted to trip going up the stairs simply because. Or I would have thrown gum in one of her many outrageous wigs. SMH. But uhhh a meat dress with matching shoes!!! Boo what the eff are you on?! I can't imagine that laying against my skin all cold and raw and shhhhhh.....YUCK!!!! Yeah you took one for the team on that one (Even though I don't have a clue what team that would be), but honestly I thought long and hard about vegan-ism after looking at this shhhh so so so so unappealing!

Day 17

2010-09-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

No one.

There is not a soul I would like to trade places with. Just think...who would then take over my life?? God gave me this life because no one past, present, or future would be able to live it better than me. No one could bring the normalcy, grandeur, excitement, and mundaneness all at the same time to this life like I do. God knew exactly what he was doing and I need not get in the way. LOL

Day 16

2010-09-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

Another picture of yourself

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius

Day 15

2010-09-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

1. Sean Kingston-Fire Burning
2. Ne-Yo-Stop This World
3. Maxwell-Help Somebody
4. Sheryl Crow-The First Cut Is the Deepest
5. Tank-One Man
6. Raheem DeVaughn- Mo' Better
7. Marvin Gaye-Hitch hike
8. Trey Songz- Yo' Side Of the Bed
9. Isley Brothers- I Got Work To Do
10. Iyaz- Replay

Day 14

2010-09-15T21:42:00.000-07:00

A picture of you and your family

One of my favorite family pics...the Class of nines...

Me (class of 99'), My little cousin Kosheda (Class of 2009), and my mom (Class of 1969)

I love how I'm the tallest girl in the family and I'm only 5'4" LOL

Beauty Survey

2010-09-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

SKINCARE -

How many times do you wash your face daily?
I am for twice, sometimes I even do three I'm a greasy little girl LOL

What skin type do you have? (dry,oily,combo)
Since oil slick wasn't a choice I'll just say oily. :)

What is your current facial wash?
The clinique IV Liquid Facial Soap (booo no-go)! Going back to the Clinique Acne Solutions foaming wash that cleared up hella shine!

Do you exfoliate?
Honestly not often...

What brand do you use?
St. Ives Apricot Scrub

What moisturizer do you use?

Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel

Do you have freckles?

Nope.

Do you use eye cream?
Nope, but I am 29 I probably should be

Do you or did you have acne prone skin?
No even back in the days of the care free curl (yes I had one) I had luck with the skin! Well except the shine issue.

Did you ever have to use Pro-activ?
I'm blessed to say no.

MAKE-UP
What foundation do you use?
i rarely use foundation when I do it's Studio fix Powder NW50 or Mineralize Skinfinish Natural in Deep Dark

How about concealer?
No

Do you know your undertone color?
Mmm...I'm darker skinned, so a little red...maybe more yellow actually

What do you think of fake eyelashes?
Cute I just can't apply them

Did you know that you are supposed to change your mascara every 3 months?
Yes. And I kinda do LOL By the third month I've moved on to a new brand or ran out anyway LOL

What brand of mascara do you use?
Maybelliene Falsies= <3 True Love!!!

Sephora or MAC?
Sephora they have tons of stuff you don't have to stick to a brand!

Do you have a MAC Pro-card?
Nope

What makeup tools do you use in make up application?
Brushes, q-tips, and the occasional finger

Do you use make-up base/primer for the eyes?
I have a few colors that I will use a base for, but not always..as far as primers UD Primer Potion no ifs, ands, or buts!

For the face?
Don't laugh Monistat Anti-Chafing Gel works wonders as a foundation Primer I swear

What is your favorite eyeshadow (color or shade)?
neutrals and purples

Do you use pencil or liquid eyeliner?

Liquid eyeliner on top, pencil on bottom.

How often do you poke your eyes with an eyeliner pencil?
I haven't in a really long time.

What do you think of pigment eyeshadows?

I like them they last for like.....EVER!!!!

Do you use mineral makeup?
Nope, not really. I have a few mineral eyeshadows and I seldom turn to them.

What is your favorite lipstick?
MAC Icon

How about lipgloss? Hands down MAC Dazzleglass in Blue Comet (LE)

What is your favorite blush to use?

MAC X-rocks (LE)

Do you buy your makeup on ebay?
Never, not yet at least.

Do you like drugstore makeup?
I do!

Do you go to CCO's? (cosmetic company outlets) Yes LOVE Them!

Did you ever consider taking make-up classes?

Yepp, but don't know if I will

Are you clumsy in putting on makeup?
No, but I do have a tendency to make messes with many things I do. I'm working on preventing that.

Name a makeup crime that you hate? black lined lips...ewwwww stop that shhh immegiately (yes I said immegiately)

Do you like colorful shades of makeup (lipstick,eyeshadow) or neutral ones? I'm a combo girl I like neutral shadows w/bright liner or a nude lip with a glittery gloss

Which celebrity always has great make up?
Kim Kardashian, Toya Carter (from Tiny and Toya) LOL

If you could leave the house using just ONE make up item, what would you use?

Eyeliner -> completely changes how you look while barely doing anything.

Could you ever leave the house without any makeup on?
Yeah. Natural beauty is wonderful as well.

Do you think you look good even without any makeup on?
Yeah. Makeup is to enhance and occasionally correct, not to change.

In your opinion, what is the BEST makeup line?
I haven't quite decided yet.

What do you think of Makeup??
It's amazing and so much fun. I adore it!

Day 13

2010-09-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear _________,

I will never say I am easy to deal with. I am far from without fault. I can admit that. But I love. I love you. Real. Hard. And with everything this woman has inside. So acknowledge that. Respect that. And reciprocate. I am an adult. I am not a young girl who just began to understand what life and love is about. I don't want all of your time. But the time I get should matter. I look forward to seeing your face after a long work day. I want to laugh, joke, and unwind with you. I don't want chaos, silence, or arguments when I come home. I simply want.....you. Hugs, kisses and all. Like it used to be. Personally I don't think that's too much to ask for. And it hurts that I'm still asking.I will never say I am easy to deal with. I am far from without fault. I can admit that. But I love. I love you. Real. Hard. And with everything this woman has inside. So acknowledge that. Respect that. And reciprocate.

Day 12

2010-09-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

I originally come to blogger looking to read weight loss blogs for inspiration. Suddenly I decided to track my own journey with pounds so I started my own blog. The royal transformation it was all about my bouts with workouts, weight loss, food and the like. Then one day I realized that my weight loss goals were just a small maybe even tiny portion of what I wanted to talk about. I had a whole lotta questionable, dare I say adult things to gab about that had nothing to do with weight watchers and salads. And behold Chocolate Girl Wonder was born....lol. BTW The royal transformation will be back very, very, very soon!

Day 11

2010-09-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

Another picture of you and your friends

Time for some honesty:

I am my own best friend

whenever I call I'm there and we will never ever part

Get my point????

Day 10

2010-09-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad..........

My musical taste is pretty eclectic. I have at least twenty songs for every emotion, but currently I feel a bit sad and my soundtrack of choice is..........

Maybe not the best thing to listen to when you're sad, but when I'm feeling emotional I want to hear something that caters to that emotion. And that's where I am today. And for me...today..tonight...at this moment.....it works.......

Day 9

2010-09-09T16:52:00.000-07:00

Something you’re proud of in the past few days

I have been really good with my money. Me and the booski got sick and I spent $24.00 bucks on OTC medicine, but outside of that I've been holding my wallet, purse, and check card quite close to my chest. My life has revolved around moving and work. I haven't made a lot of time for extra-cirricular activities. I notice when I do is generally when I spend an ass-load of cash. So I guess..Yayyyyyy to having no social skills and no life. Whatever gets me out of my crappy neighborhood where I order pizzas on for the poor delivery guy to get robbed. SMH Oh that was so not a joke or over-exaggeration. Moving on to a better, more peaceful place to call home, by any means necessary. No cash spending here. Even though *sigh* I can think of thousands of things to do with this cash besides save it. Grrrrrr......

My curvy girls stand up

2010-09-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Just a reminder that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes

Tara Lynn

and....

Ashley Graham

Day 8

2010-09-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

Short term goals for this month and why

1. Save more money. 10% of everyday's tips go straight in the savings account. No unnecessary purchases. It's all now about the new apartment and (fingers crossed) the new car.

2. Eating better. My eating habits have become CRAP. I have went from your favorite Chocolate fat girl to "that fat ass girl" uhn uhn that shyt is a no - go! I must get myself together immegiately!!! (yep you read that right) IMMEGIATELY

3. Blog more often. That's why I decided to do the thirty days of me. It forces me to create a blogging schedule (daily) and to be consistent. Now if the world would pay attention to what I had to say.........

4. Have more sex. I aim for daily, but life gets in the way...a lot. Four to five times a week isn't asking too much..or is it? Reason being?? Umm who doesn't like sex??

5. Read a book. I haven't done that in a long time. It angers me to admit that.

6. Finally use my crock pot. My mom bought it for me for Christmas last year. It hasn't even left the box.

Day 7

2010-09-07T18:48:00.000-07:00

A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

My grandmother Ms. Hattie L. Barbee. She exemplified what it meant to be a lady. I am still trying, but I know she would be proud. She always wanted the best for me. And in her later years she became not only a grandmother, but a true friend and confidante. I miss her like crazy and she lives in my heart and the person I am daily. I only hope in time I can be more like her.

Day 6

2010-09-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

Favorite super hero and why

Wonder Woman of course!

How could you not love her??

I only wish I had a lasso of truth and those indestructible bracelets. Let's not even get into the invisible airplane. I think I was wonder woman for three years for Halloween as a child. Might even do it again.

Day 5 sorry guys I've been sick :(

2010-09-07T15:45:00.000-07:00

A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

New Orleans Baby!! Ain't nothing like it!

Day 4

2010-09-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

A habit that you wish you didn’t have

I am a procrastinator. I wait till I have one pair of underwear left to do laundry. I drop my rent check off on the second. If that early. I pay bills the day AFTER they are due. I wait till the last possible moment to cook dinner, complain that I'm too tired to cook and go to bed hungry. Yep that's me. Valecia Ann Price. Ann was my birth middle name, but with time, my middle name has become PROCRASTINATOR.

Chocolate Girl Wonder

What's wrong with being the fat girl???

.....hotness

I shouldn't admit this but.......

....and I know this much is true

R.I.P Heavy D

#random

What the lick read?? The birthday girls' life

R.I.P Amy....

Put a ring on it????

I'm sorry......kinda

Lupe Fiasco - Words I Never Said ft. Skylar Grey [Music Video]

To my star player...happy mother's day!

The Demise of the Ride or Die Bitch

Girl Crush

Girl Crush- Ms. Jill Scott

Black girls....trapped in a box

TAG!!!!!! I'm it.....LOL

Ladies and gentleman........

And you wonder why we call you bitch: Females and friendship

A me...health update

R.I.P Elizabeth

Because this has to be the funniest set of commercials ever.....

So once upon a time there was this weave.........

Girl Crush......

A me recap *oh so random*

Say whaaaaa????: The Obese America Edition

Girl Crush......

Gold digging 101

Happy Valentine's Day!!

The art of the upgrade

Sometimes ladies....and gentlemen...we just need a reminder...

Mars and Venus: Is there a good excuse???

Random Midnight thoughts....

???

The deal breaker

Butt.......

??

??

1.11.11 The Game

The single girl Chronicles

Sharing is caring???

recap of me......

A new year........

Are you there God it's me Valecia

I Resolve????

Chrisette Michele - Goodbye Game

That's what Christmas means to me my love..........

Line 1.

If you don't........get in the corner!!

I've been missing you............

Nicki and Em-Roman's Revenge

Confessions of a bitter Bitch: Should fatties get a room??? My response to the Marie Claire article

Weather, NOTW, and other randomness

Memories brought to you by Pandora.....

b-b-braided up

Family Matters.

.....love-whipping???? LOL

What's going on.....

Throwback Thursday

The Grown folks Chronicles: If you don't stop lying....

Get Big Remix

Day 30

Day 29

Day 28

Cee-Lo.

Day 27

Day 26

In search.......

Day 25

Day 24 (sorry for the delay work has been kicking my arse)

Day 23

Throwback Thursday

Day 22

Day 21

The Countdown to 30.......

Day 20

Day 19

Day 18

I mean really......

A me recap oh so random